Miley Cyrus
I feel like nobody told Miley that "Behind The Candelabra" was not the aspirational story of a scrappy young fur-and-glitter addict who took a chance on an unknown kid.
Rihanna
It takes a lot to draw focus from the fact that she's wearing the monster from the planet Hoth, but that veil is doing it. That veil is the most absurd craft project. That veil just made Martha Stewart's entire magazine staff throw up in unison. That veil is why you should need a license to carry a glue gun.
Rihanna
And those pants are pajamas that need tailoring. Or, that need not to be worn outside the house, bceause PAJAMAS.
Miley, Ryan, Debbie Harrie, Macklemore, Ryan Lewis
Miley's head looks tiny. Debbie Harry looks hilarious. Macklemore looks dapper. Ryan Lewis also looks dapper but kind of like he wished he'd known it was going to be so hard to get to a bathroom.
Jenny McCarthy
At this point in the telecast, 2014 was about twenty minutes old, and already this is the most embarrassing thing that's going to happen to anyone this year.
Jenny McCarthy
And these people are totally like, "Let's pose with the most embarrassing thing to happen to anyone in 2014." She is dressed as Miley's tongue, she pretended to lick people, and she was generally being Jenny McCarthy. That's a trifecta of trouble right there. Donnie Wahlberg was next to her the whole time after midnight, except for in this moment.
Jenny McCarthy and Donnie Wahlberg
This is how my husband found out that Donnie Wahlberg and Jenny McCarthy are dating. He was very disappointed in Donnie.
Ariana Grande
And then this girl came out and sang wearing a tutu made out of Christmas wrap.
Ariana Grande
I genuinely think she went to Hallmark, bought the biggest silver bow she could find, and poked her legs through it. It's a wrapping diaper. She. Looks. Ridiculous.
Ariana Grande
SHE. LOOKS. RIDICULOUS.
Fergie
She SOUNDED ridiculous, but she looked great. Her patter included the following introduction to The Fray: "You don't often hear of a rock band WITH A PIANO!!!!" Also: THE FRAY. Playing 'How To Save A Life," or whatever that song is called. That song is nine years old. It's not even the tenth anniversary of that song. It's very confusing. Was Nickelback busy?
Steven Tyler
Steven Tyler in facial hair is a very strange experience for me.
David Cross and Amy Poehler, and Amber Tamblyn
I just wanted to share Amber Tamblyn photobombing this picture.
Melissa Etheridge
It was a night of furs, I guess. Melissa sang "Imagine," which we saw on CNN, and it was really terrible. Great song, but she sounded like she was putting a cat in a blender.
Kat Graham, Cottrell Guidry
And earlier in the day, Kat Graham and her very cute fiance Cottrell Guidry rang the NASDAQ bell, for which she wore a cute coat.
Kat Graham
And then a totally seasonally weird dress underneath.
Kat Graham
But she looked lovely on the night, even though she HAD to be freezing. Happy new year, you crazy kids.