Marchesa - Runway - Mercedes-Benz Fashion Week Fall 2014
This is for those days we've ALL had where we think, "I just feel so freaking SLIM today. How in the world can I add bulk?"
Marchesa - Runway - Mercedes-Benz Fashion Week Fall 2014
This is nifty -- it's like a cross between a bandanna and a black-and-white movie about marine life.
Marchesa - Runway - Mercedes-Benz Fashion Week Fall 2014
This feels like something Jessica Brown Findlay should wear in that movie with Colin Ferrell, where she plays a consumption-riddled version of Lady Sybil who ALSO gets deflowered by an Irishman, except instead of Lord G being disapproving, it's Russell Crowe.
Marchesa - Runway - Mercedes-Benz Fashion Week Fall 2014
Katie Holmes was at this show, and I feel like this was aimed at her. I don't know that she'd take the bait, necessarily, because it's VERY froofy, but sometimes I think that girl could stand a little froof. You don't see her reverberating with fun very often, and I don't even think that's because she's not a groovy person; just that it's hard to have much fun under a microscope.
Marchesa - Runway - Mercedes-Benz Fashion Week Fall 2014
That probably looked like liquid gold in person, but in pictures, it's just nips with a lace crown.
Marchesa - Runway - Mercedes-Benz Fashion Week Fall 2014
And here are the obligatory ACTUAL nipples.
Marchesa - Runway - Mercedes-Benz Fashion Week Fall 2014
Oh, lord, and this version gives her boobs like a Tylenol caplet.
Marchesa - Runway - Mercedes-Benz Fashion Week Fall 2014
I legitimately don't know if that's a skirt or a GIANT handwarmer.
Marchesa - Runway - Mercedes-Benz Fashion Week Fall 2014
That might be a drape too many, but it's certainly doable.
Marchesa - Runway - Mercedes-Benz Fashion Week Fall 2014
Seriously, why is everyone into dumping extras across the abdomen?
Marchesa - Runway - Mercedes-Benz Fashion Week Fall 2014
That looks super comfy, at least.
Marchesa - Runway - Mercedes-Benz Fashion Week Fall 2014
This will be tough to resist, and it's definitely one of the more wearable pieces.
Marchesa - Runway - Mercedes-Benz Fashion Week Fall 2014
And THERE IT IS, the grenade we all knew was coming. I think those are pants. It's Sexy Yeti.
Marchesa - Runway - Mercedes-Benz Fashion Week Fall 2014
Lace isn't as sexy to me when it's so obvious. And gold chains aren't that sexy to me when they're beating my pelvis like a drum.
Marchesa - Runway - Mercedes-Benz Fashion Week Fall 2014
This one looks like the weather felt.
Marchesa - Runway - Mercedes-Benz Fashion Week Fall 2014
It's an okay idea, but it might shave inches off the wearer's height. Choking up under the boobs isn't usually a flattering idea. Indeed, the word "choking" in fashion rarely portends good.
Marchesa - Runway - Mercedes-Benz Fashion Week Fall 2014
Sarah Paulson, who was present, is going to have a field day with something that severe.
Marchesa - Runway - Mercedes-Benz Fashion Week Fall 2014
Paulson would like this TOO. She's way into Mary Had A Little Lamb couture.
Marchesa - Runway - Mercedes-Benz Fashion Week Fall 2014
Strangely, this is one of the more reasonable ensembles. It doesn't really scream Marchesa to me, though, which may be why.
Marchesa - Runway - Mercedes-Benz Fashion Week Fall 2014
Interesting choice to pair that with aggressive, cacophonous booties.
Marchesa - Runway - Mercedes-Benz Fashion Week Fall 2014
I want to start unwrapping the satin, from the top, and see what happens.
Marchesa - Runway - Mercedes-Benz Fashion Week Fall 2014
Another one that looks TP'd by someone with high-end tastes in loo paper.
Marchesa - Runway - Mercedes-Benz Fashion Week Fall 2014
This is a slightly better version -- and full of gorgeous elements -- but it reminds me of when you pull something out of the closet and something else gets caught on it and tries to come along.
Marchesa - Runway - Mercedes-Benz Fashion Week Fall 2014
Of these styles, the two fabrics in this one play the best together. But she still looks like the prizewinning pledge at a sorority toga party for people whose trust funds are Trump-sized.
Marchesa - Runway - Mercedes-Benz Fashion Week Fall 2014
That top is so muddy. This one looks like the weather after the sun and rain melted some of the snow and then cars drove around on it and turned it into polluted slush.
Marchesa - Runway - Mercedes-Benz Fashion Week Fall 2014
That version is better, I think. But... I may change my mind in a minute. And then change it back. Best to press onward.
Marchesa - Runway - Mercedes-Benz Fashion Week Fall 2014
That is SO HIDEOUS on her crotch. NOBODY WANTS LABIAL FOLDS OVER THEIR LABIAL FOLDS.
Marchesa - Runway - Mercedes-Benz Fashion Week Fall 2014
The walk of shame from a VERY expensive hotel penthouse.
Marchesa - Runway - Mercedes-Benz Fashion Week Fall 2014
Leggings, nipples, AND a Walk Of Shame bum wrap. It's EVERYTHING WE LOVE.
Marchesa - Runway - Mercedes-Benz Fashion Week Fall 2014
"Oh, shit, we have an extra model and nothing to put on her. Um.... just fine me my glue gun and we'll think of something."