Rodarte - Runway - Fall 2013 Mercedes-Benz Fashion Week
You guys, I have no idea what was going on at Rodarte. NO IDEA. This is a clown's most intimate mistake.
Rodarte - Runway - Fall 2013 Mercedes-Benz Fashion Week
And this is a clown's most intimate mistake after accidentally running it through the wash with its Terrible Towels.
Rodarte - Runway - Fall 2013 Mercedes-Benz Fashion Week
The people who wear Rodarte -- your Natalie Portmans, Elle Fannings, Kirsten Dunsts, etc. -- would surely sooner eat a bucket of nails.
Rodarte - Runway - Fall 2013 Mercedes-Benz Fashion Week
This looks like Kim Kardashian for Rodarte. They'd call it Kardarte.
Rodarte - Runway - Fall 2013 Mercedes-Benz Fashion Week
You know how in every ballet movie -- by which I mean, Center Stage, primarily, because it is THE ballet movie -- all the girls are always wearing a mad cacophony of layers? That's this.
Rodarte - Runway - Fall 2013 Mercedes-Benz Fashion Week
Princess Leia discovers running tights.
Rodarte - Runway - Fall 2013 Mercedes-Benz Fashion Week
Remember that time Woodstock got attacked by a giant molar? This dress does!
Rodarte - Runway - Fall 2013 Mercedes-Benz Fashion Week
This isn't that bad, by comparison. WHAT DOES THAT SAY. (Maybe it's fine on its own merits; I don't know. I can't tell. I'm blind right now.)
Rodarte - Runway - Fall 2013 Mercedes-Benz Fashion Week
If you fell down the endless curving ramp at the Guggenheim, this is the headache you'd have.
Rodarte - Runway - Fall 2013 Mercedes-Benz Fashion Week
You know, that skirt pattern isn't terrible, especially with the idea of a plain white bodice. But that PARTICULAR plain white bodice looks so SLOPPY. It's making me crazy.
Rodarte - Runway - Fall 2013 Mercedes-Benz Fashion Week
I like to think they totally cocked up the top of the dress, and just went, "Screw it," and stapled a piece of white felt to it.
Rodarte - Runway - Fall 2013 Mercedes-Benz Fashion Week
Surely Miley Cyrus already owned this in 2011.
The Blonds - Runway - Fall 2013 Fall 2013 MADE Fashion Week
The Blonds is one of the best times at Fashion Week, because it is a PARTY. It's all costumes, not clothes. This is one of the designers, and she always closes the show in one of their best creations -- one year, it was a dress like a Chinese dragon, and this year, it was this catsuit. Now THAT is a finale. Why am I showing it to you first? Spoiler: JACK NICHOLSON.
The Blonds - Runway - Fall 2013 Fall 2013 MADE Fashion Week
It's a wearable noose.
The Blonds - Runway - Fall 2013 Fall 2013 MADE Fashion Week
This is sometimes what the belt rack looks like at The Gap. Except less artful. I am seriously fascinated by this.
The Blonds - Runway - Fall 2013 Fall 2013 MADE Fashion Week
The best part, though, is that hidden amid all the weird, there is some real, serious atristry here.
The Blonds - Runway - Fall 2013 Fall 2013 MADE Fashion Week
If I'm going to end up in a straitjacket, I do hope it's this one.
The Blonds - Runway - Fall 2013 Fall 2013 MADE Fashion Week
She did not break a sweat. I would have.
CND For The Blonds: New York Fashion Week Fall/Winter 2013
I miss Bai Ling, you guys.
The Blonds - Runway - Fall 2013 Fall 2013 MADE Fashion Week
I think Janet Leigh would be pleased.
The Blonds - Runway - Fall 2013 Fall 2013 MADE Fashion Week
My friend Grant gave me a knife off our registry when I got married, and his note was, "Every great marriage starts out with a good knife. And many end that way too." I love him. I should buy him this.
CND For The Blonds: New York Fashion Week Fall/Winter 2013
But this one made the night. It's the ACTUAL KNIFE on her chest that sells it.
CND For The Blonds: New York Fashion Week Fall/Winter 2013
This is, in fact, exactly how I felt about Rodarte. Thank you, Jack. You made a wonderful emotional button to this slideshow.