2015 in Valentino

This has just the faintest whiff of Milkmaid Formal about it.

2015 in Mugler

That's sexy and I want those shoes. Badly.

2015

I keep thinking, "Oh, maybe this is good," and then falling slowly out of like with it.

in Proenza Schouler

The Black Plague comes for us all, in the end.

2015

This is merely the FIRST bird Nicole will wear in this post.

2016, in Louis Vuitton

This is such a weird one. It's like she's wearing a flesh breastplate. This is all so waxy.

2016, in Gucci

I thought this was clownish at the time, but again, I've warmed to it over time. I may not ever LOVE it, but those colors look beautiful on her, and it's a successful kind of adventurous.

in Gucci

Bird number two! But not Bird the Last!

2016

I think I see a bird on this, too? Or am I just looking at a migraine?

2016 in McQueen

She looks like the cosmos. It's not a bad thing at all.

in Rodarte

"No, ni fact, I DON'T know what I was thinking."

2016

Nicole must be fun to style, though, because honestly it seems like she will wear ANYTHING. No rhyme or reason.

2016 in Nina Ricci

This looks like stripey candy.

2016

Half her dress is doing ballet on top of the other half.

2016

Was this also Gucci? It's... a lot of ruffles on the top.

in Giambattista Valli, 2016

That's lovely, but we need another crack at the hair and makeup.

in Rodarte

Wait, are those... does she have tearaway sleeves that she can... customize? Was one arm colder than the other?

in Brandon Maxwell

That's great.

in Dior, 2017

Ugh, I did not like these Dior dresses with the ugly drawings on them. I cannot be swayed, not even by her lipstick.

in McQueen, 2017

The perfect storm is happening on her torso. Somehow this dress is doing THE ABSOLUTE MOST, and yet in some parts, not enough.

In Gucci

ARE those actually parrots? Are they macaws? Sorry, birds. I have made it my life's work not to look too closely at any of you. This one was divisive, but I think it's a hoot.

in Armani

That's good, too. I can't tell if she's just... cold? It looks like she has been crying. Let's go with the former.

2017

I can't tell if that's QUITE the lipstick shade it needs, but that gown is quite amazing.

2017, Giambattista Valli

I'm not mad at it!

in McQueen

I'm not mad at this either, actually!

in Rodarte

I am a bit mad at this, but not as much as I first thought.

in Calvin Klein

Twirl, Nicole!

This is unexpected and fun.

in Armani

That's one of my favorites of hers -- it's a standout in this batch, for sure.

This has a slinky appeal, too. I have used a lot of words on her and I am running out of them.

Okay well that's kind of a wacky Muppet of a gown, right?

in Alessandra Rich

Put that one near the top of my list, too.

in Erdem

Erdem is too much for me, but it has a Modern Glinda the Good Witch appeal. I could see her casting a loving hex.

2017

What is with the knee dot? I'm not mad at this dress; I'm FEUDING with hit.

in Carolina Herrera

I am having serious sunburn flashbacks.

in Dior

That belt is a bit of a silly flourish.

MY EYES.

in Calvin Klein

Okay, my eyes are healing.

2017

That is a hot pairing.

in Dior

Can we count this as a bird? It's... sort of a flappy cartoon human.

I like how badass the boots are.

2018

I find this to be downer.

2018

This bronze/brown is surprisingly great on her.

in Armani

I can handle the giant groin bow; it's the goofy middle slit that's ruining things for me.

in Valentino, 2018

Too much. Too much.

in Michael Kors

Just right, but maybe with a different coif.

in Dior

This is REALLY not a happy hair phase. I get it. I'm in a bad one right now.

in Oscar de la Renta

HECK no.

in Valentino

She is sincerely not afraid of ANYTHING overwhelming her. She will wear IT ALL.

I would like to erase whatever this dress's top layer is.

This is nice, and she's still in a rough patch with her hair.

2018

The dress is at least better than the movie! Actually, it's good even on its own merits.

2019 in Michael Kors

What a GREAT pick. The lip might be a bit too bright?

in Miu Miu

That's probably the most sensible thing Miu Miu has made in a long time.

in Armani

Gorgous, and again, WRONG HAIR, right? It's like her hair and makeup team is feuding with the stylist, and they're all clashing ALL the time.

2019

I think that's Rodarte. It looks like one of their more unfortunately ubiquitous designs.

in Versace

HAH! This is such a party.

in Saint Laurent

That is a VERY smart suit.

She's pulling off the yellow way better than I thought she would, but I keep wishing we could see it on, like, Jodie Turner-Smith.

2020 in Versace

I've said it a hundred times, but: Donatella REALLY knows how to fit a dress. I think I said it about Margot Robbie just the other day, actually.

2020 in Armani

Another nice offering from Armani. They often do well by her.

in J Mendel

This, on the other hand, was my argument that she should not wear white. I just don't think it brings out the best in her or in her head-stylists.

in Michael Kors

The difference is so stark! She comes alive in this blue.

in Armani

Ah, yes, April 2021, when everyone's "red carpet photos" were taken in their backyards. Or SOMEONE'S backyard. This looks like a nightgown.

in Rodarte, in 2021

THIS was her re-emergence at an event post-Covid, looking VERY dramatic and good and also like she was giving her hair a welcome break from straighteners during the lengthy life hiatus.

in Armani

She went back to straight pretty quickly. I like this frock a lot.

in Chanel

This is BETTER styling of a white outfit on her, at least? I don't really like the dress itself -- specifically, the top. That part looks like a leotard.

in Armani

I am not in love with this bodice. Am I wrong?

in Etro

I MIGHT be in love with this, though.

2022, in Saint Laurent

This is really prim, but the contrast with her hair's soft curls is selling it.

in Armani, 2022

THAT is an Armani that does very little for me.

in Prada

When Prada attacks, it REALLY attacks. Yeesh, Nicole.

2023, in Schiaparelli

This feels like a quick compensation for that split-pea madness.

in Armani, 2023

That's quite sexy. We've seen those shoes on her before, too. It's like... the one tiny relatable piece of this.

in Chanel

Ah, yes, she rewore a gown from a 2004 Chanel ad to the Karl Lagerfeld Met Gala, which was a smart archival touch. Her hair looks so lank, though. It's like she forgot to deal with it.

Is that also Chanel? It's... trying to hard to be Chanel, if it isn't, and if it IS, it's just maybe trying too hard, period.

in Saint Laurent

It really looks like someone airbrushed her sternum to have Major Abs. They might NOT have, as she does HAVE toned abs? But something about it feels enhanced. Like they've been redrawn as tiny lungs.

in Balenciaga

And here's when she got back together with Balenciaga. I'll give her that it's dramatic. It's honestly pretty good, except the inky gloves might be a bit harsh.

See? Tight abs, but not as... lung-y.

I wonder if this is also Balenciaga. It feels very Satine, if she had survived consumption and joined some kind of sexy resistance fight.

in Balenciaga

And this of course would be Satine's ancestor, who has grown up to run a software company that is secretly a CIA black-ops org. And that is where we leave the Tale of Nicole Kidman: at the end of 2023, standing on an LA neighborhood street, at a Balenciaga show that was sponsored by an absurdly expensive grocery store. This is life now.

The Jumbo Fugtrospective of Nicole Kidman: Latter-Day Nic

It's expansive, and it ends with a lot of black.