Leona Lewis

It's unclear why Leona has this attraction to bra tops and high-waisted Spanx skirts (although at least the bra is, you know, bra-shaped). And so bright! And so giant! It's like American Apparel for Ladies of a Certain Age.

Leona Lewis

And now, the formal version. Apparently Leona is really, really attracted to that one strip of skin on her torso. It is her prized rib flesh. My question is, this is the fourth of this style that she's made -- how many others did she do? It's like wondering whether we are alone in the universe: WHAT IS OUT THERE?

Leona Lewis

Here she is at the Streisand tribute. I've decided this is her Prince of Tides tribute, because of how everyone went all nutso about how great Babs' legs supposedly were in that movie. (I never saw it.) But she also looks like a low-rent version of when a girl pops out of a cake -- like, she just climbed out of a very premature Easter gift basket, or something.

Leona Lewis

I forgot to look up who the dude is, but to me, he is forever The Guy Who Is Blocking Me From Seeing The Rest Of This Dress (there were no other photographs of this). It is a measure of how cracked out her clothes have been lately that I might like this -- I am having an impossible time looking at it and NOT saying, "Hey! No tube top! SUCCESS!" Has it really come to that, Leona? Or did you deliberately hit sartorial rock bottom with those lips just so everything that came after would seem so much easier? Bold move, Lewis. Let's see if it works. Bring on your next.

Non-Grammys Fug Carpet: Leona Lewis

After all that hullaballoo about Leona Lewis following up The Lips and The Bow by designing her own Grammy outfit, it would appear that Leona was being overly optimistic, because she did not attend the Grammys -- although she did show up at some of the pre-parties. So we do have something with which to work here, and even if it's not as exciting as tube tops in the shape of body parts, it's still not super attractive. Hunker down and let's check out what she did.