Justin Bieber
This is so ridiculous. He looks like the leader of a boy band called Space Invaders, in which all the members have slightly bastardized (read: misspelled) 80s technology names like Beta Max, Asteroidd, Atary, Miz Pac Man, and of course, Wactivision.
Shakira
Shakira clearly didn't get the memo about the NRJ awards. This is far too normal -- and I say that knowing she looks like she's wearing a swanky gift box.
Pascal Negre
This guy is apparently the head of Universal Music France. He is also the chairman of Versailles Wallpaper and Pants-tisserie.
Anggun
This lady is slated to represent France in this year's Eurovision. I'm guessing this gown ,with its illusions of nudity and groin-high faux-slits,is a warm-up. I am already getting excited.
Mylene Farmer
I do realize that I told you "gentler nonsense" would come before the crazy outfit. But the thing is, by comparison, this IS gentler nonsense. I feel like someday, not too far from now, somebody is going to invent tights painted to look like jeans. We already have jeggings. Jights can't be far behind, and then will come the locusts.
Shy'm
AND THEN.
Shy'm here, in addition to having been a singer for a number of years, apparently just won Dancing With The Stars in France. And she's evidently decided that people are in danger of forgetting that, so she has gone, like, The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe crossed with that semi-terrible X-Men prequel, seasoned with Grace Jones and then tossed in the freezer to set. It's post-apocalyptic SWINTON.
Shy'm
AND IT'S TERRIFYING ME. Seriously, a breastplate shouldn't ACTUALLY be made of breasts.
Shy'm
She also decided to create a global shortage of hair extensions by wrapping them around an Olympic-size-pool lane marker and then gluing it to her head.
Sofia Essaidi
This girl was the runner up in French Dancing With The Stars. Maybe the two of them sat around the makeup trailer there discussing how much they like fake hair.
Sofia Essaidi
Maybe these two gowns were performance pieces together. I can't think what they would actually be SAYING... this one isn't anywhere near as wackadoo as the other one, obviously, although the bodice does seem to be Crown Jewel themed. I guess if you're going to dress up as a museum exhibit, you might as well pick that one, instead of Etruscan Artifacts, or Fossilized Excrement from Viking Warriors.
Patricia Kaas
Patricia Kaas is an ex-Eurovision entrant and is currently working on a collection of Edith Piaf songs. By the looks of things, she's also Karl Lagerfeld's staff minister.
Veronic DiCaire
I guess this lady is a singer and "imitator." She appears here to be imitating a parachute.