Zachary Donohue and Madison Hubbell of USA

If I asked you what these two looked like they were skating to, I think you WOULD say Janet Jackson. These costumes are perfect.

Nikita Katsalapov (R) and Victoria Sinitsina of Russia

Johnny Weir HATES his costume and can barely conceal it when he speaks.

Maria Kazakova and Georgy Reviya of Georgia

Ah, another entry in the "Carry Your Partner Like an Awkward Piece of Furniture" sweepstakes. They were skating to "Yeah" which continues to be a real banger. This is also how I used to dance to "Yeah" in the club.

Misato Komatsubara & Takeru Komatsubara AKA Tim Koleto of Japan

They opened the show and this number was very feisty and disco-y -- which I think you do get from this photo.

Katharina Mueller and Tim Dieck of Germany

YES she's wearing like a super high-cut leotard situation and this skate is WILD, I think it's about a toxic relationship? (At one point, they literally skate to "Toxic.") Johnny said something very sly that was basically, "this routine is CRAZY because their skating isn't actually that good but they're trying to cover that by being distracting." He also called it "aggressive." He's not wrong but also it WAS compelling.

Wang Shiyue and Liu Xinyu of China

They skated to Elvis and honestly were incredibly charming and look so perfect. His hair is PERFECT FOR ELVIS.

Marco Fabbri (L) and Charlene Guignard (R) of Italy

And I think you can sense that they are skating to Michael Jackson, via this choreo. This is a HUGE missed opportunity for both of them to wear one sparkly glove????

Piper Gilles and Paul Poirier, of Canada

My friend Lauren texted me when these two popped up that she thought these outfits were insane until Elton John started playing and then they made perfect sense, and she is right. I feel this is a missed opportunity for wacky glasses, although I guess they'd be an ice hazard. Johnny noted that he felt the costumes were doing a lot of heavy lifting here. (Johnny is getting more and more like Dick Button and I love it. Soon, he'll sniff that someone's spin is "adequate.")

Natalie Taschlerova and Filip Taschler, of the Czech Republic

I was like, "WHAT IS THIS HEADBAND" and then the music proved to be Madonna and I was like "OF COURSE CARRY ON." Ice dancing is fun!

Mark Kondratiuk of Russia

The men are comparatively dull but it's hard to follow a glitter headband. He is meant to be the Russian's weak link and yet....he is also very very good.

Jin Boyang, of China

You can see how fast he is spinning by the effect of centrifugal force on his face! This blouse is lovely.

Morisi Kvitelashvili, of Georgia

I actually really liked this costume, and Georgia did quite well, I thought, in this competition so far. Considering they're not really a Skating Power House...YET.

Michal Brezina, of Czech Republic

I must confess that this man's costume made me assume he was Canadian. Sorry to this man.

Roman Sadovsky, of Canada

Also sorry to THIS man, as he IS the Canadian.

Daniel Grassl of Italy

Johnny was like, "HE IS SO BORING," except more diplomatically, but did not mention that he looks like he could be on a CW show in like 1999. (That's a compliment! I'm old!)

Shoma Uno of Japan

Thank god, someone brought some sparkle!

Nathan Chen of the USA

I was like,"Nathan got a new outfit!" but he did not. It's the same outfit. Well, if it works, it works! I'm so glad he did so well here; last Olympics, he sort of whiffed his bit of the team competition and I think it got in his head.

Riku Miura and Ryuichi Kihara of Japan

This was fine -- they are very cute together -- but also it's to "Hallelujah" and honestly at this point I would rather hear "Carmen" again.

Brandon Frazier (L) and Alexa Knierim (R) of the USA

I think I can speak for all of us, including them, when I say that I am SHOCKED that they nailed this as completely as they did. WAY TO GO! Also, these costumes are terrific. (They skate to "The House of the Rising Sun," which is a great song for a short program.)

Matteo Guarise (L) and Nicole Della Monica (R) of Italy

This skate went very badly and I assume this is what they're doing to each other now.

Michael Marinaro (R) and Kirsten Moore-Towers (L) of Canada

Canada also did really well! KMT's got a FANTASTIC ponytail. Tara said her look was giving Elle Woods and that is....not wrong.

Alexksandr Galliamov (R) and Anastasia Mishina (L) of Russia

I just had a visceral negative reaction to this routine (and I hate their costumes, especially his). It's very twee and mannered and doll-like and the whole thing feels sort of uncanny valley? Both Johnny and Tara agreed that they didn't give much emotion and it did to me feel robotic (if technically incredibly adept). You know it hurt Johnny to admit this, as he is generally obsessed with Russian teams.

Cong Han (R) and Wenjing Sui (L) of China

First of all, these costumes are gorgeous. Second, this was a tango (essentially) to music from Mission Impossible, and it was...so good. EXTREMELY good. It had so much feeling! Johnny and Tara reminded us many times that they lost the gold medal at the previous Olympics by half a point and they are here -- at home! -- to settle a score for sure.

Cong Han (R) and Wenjing Sui (L) of China

This is the lift at which I shrieked.

Olympics Skating Team Competition Began Yesterday on Day -1

So far, the costumes of the 2022 Winter Olympics figure-skating team competition have brought spangles! Headbands! RUFFLES!