Lady Gaga in Dior

As an opening act, I thought this was REALLY shockingly weak. The song didn't show off Gaga's pipes to their greatest effect, and she isn't a great dancer, so she mostly just wiggled.

It also looked a little sad because they built this makeshift set on a random corner of the Seine, and the musicians didn't fit in the shot all the time, but SOME of them did SOMETIMES, and is that a pile of extra feathers? It feels like getting a peek backstage. And there was NO ONE watching, so it also had no crowd energy. It fell really flat.

A closer look.

The whole beginning of the show was rough, honestly -- the can-can dancers were really bad? I wonder if the rain impacted it, or if their earpieces were on the fritz, or something. None of them were on the music and several of them couldn't even really kick. They're lovely though!

Also, optically, this was not a very thrilling location. NBC clearly knew this was not working out, because they cut away from them REPEATEDLY/went to a wide shot as often as possible.

HOWEVER. This was REALLY neat.

If perhaps a little unsettling once the smoke really started to billow. Actually that is still neat...

... but if I were across town, this would probably have given me pause for a minute until I remembered.

Then all the boats started coming in -- we'll get to the athletes later -- under the Austerlitz Bridge, which has this groovy skin on it for the festivities (it did not appear to be CGI).

Mezzo-Soprano Axelle Saint-Cirel in Dior

We did not have a closer shot of her. She sang the French national anthem -- twice, if I remember correctly? -- and sounded incredible. Unfortunately, her dress looked like she wrapped her sheets around a longline bra.

Aya Nakamura in Dior

She was fun -- she's one of France's biggest artists -- but she was also the first person for whom it was very obvious that everyone was lip-synching. (Variety reported that they all sang along with a pre-recorded version, which organizers said was weather-related, but I think they would've had to do it that way anyway.) She looks gilded and Grecian; apt for the Olympics.

And then we got the Phantom dude -- I truly wish it had been the actual Phantom of the Opera the whole time -- who started the torch shenanigans with some children. He appeared periodically to do parkour and cause trouble. I assume they had like 12 different ones.

The problem is, we all kept waiting for the Phantom to rip off his/her mask and reveal a celebrity, but no.

The fact that he can do this at ALL, much less in the rain, is impressive! They also had BMX bikers doing tricks, but I didn't have any shots of that. The rain was SO perilous but they all delivered.

This was sincerely anxiety-producing! It was WET, dudes.

Nathan Paulin

Absosmurfly not.

NOPE.

Okay this is more like what I would be doing. If you could get me up there, I would be like AAAH and immediately have to lie down.

Place du Trocadero

The athletes had to walk across that bridge once they got off the boats, I believe. Then they filled in the stands and around the stage, which they shaped like the Eiffel Tower. It looked neat from above.

Just pausing to show you Centre Pompidou.

The torch at the Tuileries garden

On the broadcast, they concealed the location of the torch until the very end, but it was sort of disingenuous that all the hosts pretended they didn't KNOW. I'm SURE they knew! This is how it looked while it was waiting for sunset.

THIS GUY. Causing trouble! This whole bit with getting the Louis Vuitton trunks and then wheeling them through the streets was so cringey, though. I know LV forked over a lot of money, but that shit is not even remotely the most interesting thing about French culture.

Aw. Paris, j'adore.

The art from the Louvre poking out of the Seine was HILARIOUS. Unintentionally, maybe? This woman has so much ATTITUDE about it.

They also did a fashion show with specially designed outfits by up-and-coming French designers, but I don't have any shots of that EITHER unfortunately. Luckily, I have the pole dancers. Har, har. They were awesome.

Logistics: Yes, there were screens for fans!

the Institut de France and the Pont des Arts bridge

PYROTECHNICS YES. Take note, Eurovision.

I did like that they tried to do stuff in the middle of the Seine so that the athletes could engage with SOMETHING while they rode to the end point.

I think I missed this part of the light show! It's so neat. The whole atmosphere felt more and more like a party the duskier it got outside.

Opening Ceremony - Olympic Games Paris 2024: Day 0

The windows of Maries are amazing. Is this the Conciergerie, aka the prison where she was kept until she was beheaded? We went but didn't approach it from the river. I know some of this was the Palais de Justice but they are adjacent.

I hope the teams at least got leaflets explaining what they'd be seeing. Can you imagine stumbling on this and being like, "Is Marie's severed head trying to SPEAK to me? And is that meant to be... blood?

Gojira

METHINKS YES.

Here's a closeup of the boat. Just because.

I mean. The HEADS.

Pause for a beautiful view. And look at that RAIN bucketing down. France must be bummed out that they couldn't dial up perfect weather.

These guys had their work cut out for them, trying to keep the surfaces dry. Wow.

Light show!

French singer Juliette Armanet and French pianist Sofiane Pamart

I was not mad at the flaming piano.

The metal horse "galloping" down the Seine looked outstanding, but went on for too long. like, we could've added a motor to that thing, no?

There was something almost sinister about it at times.

the Iena Bridge to the Place du Trocadero

As the flags came out, the horse and rider emerged, with the wings lit up behind them.

I LOVE how from this angle, it looks like the Eiffel Tower is flipping its skirts around, like a can-can dancer.

"Here, I brought you some fresh linens."

Truly wanted this to be SWINTON. Alas.

Zinedine Zidane

He is a famous footballer, and he was the first to take the torch from the evil Phantom.

Listen, I was not too sure about the Phantom's story arc. WAS he evil? He SEEMED evil, like a mischievous sprite hell-bent on stealing the fire. But then he just gave it up. Couldn't Zidane have kicked a soccer ball at him first?

Rafa Nadal

Then it went to noted Frenchman... Rafael Nadal?!? This IS a nice nod to how hard he owns Roland Garros, and the fact that he's retiring, but the number of non-French participants in this part was odd.

Like, I LOVE Nadia Comaneci, but why was she in this boat? Carl Lewis is incredible, but...? And Serena Williams was also in there. I don't think they specifically have connections to Paris. (We'll see Serena later. I didn't realize she wasn't also in this pic.)

Amelie Mauresmo

We did at least get Amelie Mauresmo, a French tennis player.

Ahem: "French Basketball player Tony Parker (1st R) hands over the torch to French Para triathlete Alexis Hanquinquant (1st L), French para athlete Marie-Amelie Le Fur (2nd L) and French para athlete Nantenin Keita (2nd R)." Tony feels very much chosen for the American TV audience. I LOVED the inclusion of the paralympians, though.

Charles Coste

Okay, this was awesome. Charles is, I believe, the oldest living French gold medalist, at age 100. He won for team cycling in 1948. Seeing him do this was quite special and moving, even if this part took way too long. The torch had already spent 100 days on the move!

Torch bearers French Athlete Marie-Jose Perec and French Judo Practitioner Teddy Riner

What an honor this would be. I have erred in not living a life where I will ever be asked to light a torch, or bear one.

And then they lit it...

... and then LIFTOFF.

You know I love photos of things through other things. There are also some incredible ones floating around of the moon visible through the rings on the Eiffel Tower.

The Louvre

I do NOT get tired of these pics.

HOW COOL IS THIS. Sort of ominous, again, also, but nifty.

This photo is captioned "Celine Dion." Do you see that tiny white blur there? That is Celine.

Closer...

She's wearing Dior, and she looked perfect. She sang Edith Piaf's “L’Hymne à l’amour” and it was just... emotional as hell. She was clearly singing SOMETHING -- her throat movements were very obvious -- even though her mic was likely off and they were using the recording, as they did for everyone. But who cares. She's been through it. She triumphed.

This is exactly the drama I wanted from Celine.

GOOD NIGHT, SWEET PRINCE.

The Stars of the Opening Ceremony: Lady Gaga, Celine Dion, and Paris Itself

Here are some pics from the event on Friday.