J.Lo and Cameron Diaz

J: It is so adorable how you put your assets next to mine! C: Well, it seemed funny at the time... J: The joke is on you! On many levels, Cameron Frye. This is like a Puffy buffet. A puffet! C: Actually he goes by Diddy now. J: That is ridiculous. C: Oh, like Puffy was such a sexy name. J: It does not matter. I made him who he is and then got bored. Enjoy my sloppy thirds and bow down to my buttocks. You cannot squat on my block. You will get arrested.

Cameron Diaz

J: I mean, look at you! It is so nice how you tried. C: I don't know -- I thought this was pretty good, dude. I mean, it fits, and my hair is brushed. J: Your bar is low like Marc's platelet count! C: Shouldn't you stop making fun of him? J: Should I? And how is your boyfriend Mr. Timbersnack, eh? HAHAHAHAHAHA. C: Well. Fine. I think I look nice. But look at YOU.

Jennifer Lopez

J: Yes, look at me. I am exquisite. I am a candy tent at the fair that sells only fresh caramel. C: You are wearing tricep windows. Or are those pads? Like arm jodhpurs? J: Well, my boyfriend is a stallion... C: Ew. J: But look, Cameron Crowe. My hair is done, my makeup is perfect. My dress hugs my curves like a little tiny Fiat hugs the roads of the fake place we made in L.A. to look like my block. You might be able to see my nipple. You are TANTALIZED. You are looking, you are looking, and then you are stopping... to look MORE. C: Looking doesn't mean loving. J: HAHAHAHA you're kidding!!! "Looking is loving" is what I would have tattooed to my block, if I had one with me.

J.Lo and Cameron Diaz

C: Let's just give out this trophy then. Oh, my, my back hurts, let me just rest my arm... just-so...

J: Yes, flex it up, Kirk Cameron. It will not help you out-Lopez the Lopez. You do not scare me.

J.Lo and Cameron Diaz

C: And look, the winner! I see him over there. Over THERE. THAT WAY.

J: Now you are becoming tiresome, Cameron Mathison.

C: Oh, come on, now.

J: Just had out the trophy and take your bedspread and leave, Cameron Bancroft.

C: You know Joe the Quarterback from Original 90210, and you won't say my name?

J: Who are you, again?

C: All right, it's on. I will flex until you CRY.

J: I feed three of you a day to Steven Tyler. Bring it We'll see who cries.

Oscar Fug or Fab Carpet: J.Lo and Cammy D

J: HOLA LOVER. C: HOLA LOVER. J: Nice try, SO CUTE, THANK YOU FOR COMING, but you wouldn't know how to HOLA LOVER if it hit you on with a surfboard. Do not even attempt it, James Cameron. C: No, no, I'm Cameron Diaz, not James Cameron. J: I care about that as much as you cared about your makeup. HAHAHA. I GOT YOU, CANDACE CAMERON. Don't mess with my block. C: You're a nutjob. J: Lopez for president! LOPEZ 2013! C: There isn't an election in 2013. J: YOU SAY THAT NOW, CAM NEWTON. C: I... never mind. [poll id="6362"] [poll id="6372"] [Photos: Getty]