Cameron Diaz

I mean, if I had her body, I'd be tempted to wear this too. But don't you think we would all still be in awe of her rockin' body if she weren't painted into this tiny microbe of an outfit?

Cameron Diaz

It's SO tight that it's giving lumps to a body that I'll wager doesn't have any. Of course, jamming her hand into the apocalyptic pocket isn't helping.

Cameron Diaz

I mean, come on, she is not a kangaroo; ergo she should not look like one.

Cameron Diaz

Okay, I'm not saying that I think Cameron Diaz needs to run around town wearing every ounce of Cover Girl she can buy at Target. But someone needs to explain to me why she often seems to forget she has a head. Yes, technically there is foundation there, and probably some lipstick, and maybe some mascara, although that issue is in doubt. But none of it is working for her. Maybe she doesn't need different makeup so much as she needs a better makeup artist. But I mean, clearly Cam was super excited to flaunt the iron body she's developed after all those training sessions with A-Rod. So if you're that hot for people to see the fruits of your labor, why get all dressed up if you're going to show up looking like you rubbed on some slap after a whiskey-fueled afternoon delight? And if that IS what happened, at least learn to fake it. You're an actress, Cam! PRETEND.

Oscar Party Fug Carpet: Cameron Diaz

Cameron Diaz appears to have caught High And Tight Syndrome (possibly from Heidi Klum, who has grappled with it all her life and should really start a foundation). This is a dress that screams, "BUT DO YOU GET IT?" and we yell back, "WE DO, AND WE WOULD STILL HAVE GOTTEN IT WITH AN EXTRA FIVE INCHES." Because guess what this dress originally came with? An extra five inches. Which she sawed off just to underline It, highlight It, circle It, and then put squiggly Cathy sweat lines around It. Between that and the bad pocket and the whiff of desperation -- it smells like astroturf and sweat -- I can't help being disappointed. Cam was so flawless last season -- for the ceremony and the post-party -- that I really wish we could get a do-over here. There is more fabric on her chest than on her thighs. Also, did she forget makeup, or am I just being overly hard on her? In the close-up... I don't know. It's there, but it's not. I just want some false eyelashes up in this thing, you know? Just to see. Just to TRY. Instead all her effort went at reminding you that she's totally cut. Cam, you could've spread it around a bit.