Natasha Poly
She is a model who... models? I don't know much about her. And yet somehow, now I also know everything.
Lady Victoria Hervey
This photo of formerFug Madness contender and anonymous-to-us English socialite Lady VH was captioned "Charlie Sheen," which is delicious. Charlie SHEER I could certainly believe. Natasha Poly went to this party, too and it just has to be so awkward when you're in NEARLY identical barely-there embarrassments, and yours looks like the clearance-rack version of hers.
Molly Sims in Tadashi Shoji
MOLLY. You're too famous for this, aren't you? (Poly and The Herv, not so much.)
Ashley Graham in Bao Tranchi
This is all I saw of Ashley's dress at first, because she appeared at the end of E!'s broadcast -- the part where ABC kicks everyone off the red carpet but there is still an hour to go before the telecast starts -- and she was sitting at a table. That is A FACEFUL OF BOOB. I'm glad that she's having a Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Cover moment for plus-size ladies everywhere. Truly. But that dress is just a hideous mistake. Don't wear something that looks like you are bursting out of it. That's a REALLY GOOD RULE, y'all.
Ashley Graham
The rest of it wasn't even that naked, and fit her very well. But the top betrayed her.
Emily Ratajkowski in Stephen Khalil
Someone may be feeling forgotten after briefly triumphing in "Gone Girl" last year.
Emily Ratajkowski in Alexandre Vauthier
She wore this to the other post-party. I don't know why she bothered with two. What is it about the Vanity Fair party that made her think, "Oh, yeah, let's go WAY more naked here." My darker heart suspects it's because much more famous people -- and producers -- attend that one, so she wanted to catch more eyes. I don't know. The thing is, neither dress is great, so I can see her not wanting to commit to one for the entire night, but... if THAT'S the case, choose better.
Emily Ratajkowski
You could tell me she decided she wasn't showing enough leg and altered this with scissors and tape in the car and I'd be like, "Oh, yeah, true."
Rose Bertram
Rose has the very specific distinction of being the first Belgian model to be in the SI Swimsuit Edition, and thus possibly the first Belgian model to appear in a see-through dress on GFY. One of those is more exciting than the other.
Miranda Kerr in Kaufmanfranco
I am not a Miranda Kerr person, but even I have to admit her head looks really, really dreamy here. So do her abs. I just feel like this is more of a bikini in the making than a legit gown.
Miranda Kerr
It also weirds me out how clearly I can see her fingers through the fabric. That is some THIN stretchy stuff, is my guess. Very precarious.
Chanel Iman
This isn't as naked as some, but I think it wants to be, and is sad that it isn't.
Chanel Iman
She made up for that -- retroactively, unless she has a time machine -- at a pre-party over the weekend. That dress just looks exhausting to me. I don't want to have to keep track of so much of myself.
Chanel Imain in Death by Dolls
AND ANOTHER ONE. So much skin wrangling.
Olivia Culpo
Olivia is a former beauty queen (Miss USA, I think) who was until recently dating a Jonas. Nick, I think. Anyway. She's all over Fashion Week now, because that's what those front rows have become, and she's trying REALLY HARD, and... good luck to you kid. But we already have a fine-featured brunette Olivia of dubious talents and low-level renown -- Palermo -- so it might be a tough slog.
Petra Nemcova
And here's Petra, dressing like it's Cannes and we're at the amfAR ball.
Sara Sampaio
Another great face -- that lipstick is significant -- and the gown itself would be beautiful if it were not only sporadically opaque.
Meta Golding
Meta is an actress, not a model -- she was in some of the Hunger Games movies -- but that dress makes a Random Model at the Oscar Afterparties kind of statement, so I'm having her make it here.
Bai Ling
And here's Bai Ling, back again to be our big finish. As it once was, as it ever may be.