Oscar de la Renta
I don't know if you've heard, but apparently Natalie Portman is pregnant. I KNOW. Nobody ever talks about it! This cut would be perfect for her bump. Although maybe she'd want something clingier, so that she can show the pics to her spawn in future years and say, "See? You're napping RIGHT THERE."
Oscar de la Renta
It is extremely, extremely unlikely that anyone will go cocktail-length at this event -- but if Hailee Steinfeld wanted to, this would look so cute on her.
Oscar de la Renta
I'm mildly concerned that the seam on this looks like the result of a really clumsy surgery by a trainee doctor. If it were a different color, I'd say Amy Adams might suit it, but in fuchsia, not so much. Maybe Helen Mirren could kick shit up in this.
Oscar de la Renta
Y'all know we can't resist sequins. Neither can actors. They're all magpies just like we are.
Oscar de la Renta
I kind of want Crazy Melissa Leo to show up in this. Is that wrong?
Oscar de la Renta
The wrap gives it big drama, but the skirt carries enough of that on its own. You know who would totally wear this, if invited? Olivia Wilde. Because she wants you to see the HELL out of her at all times.
Oscar de la Renta
This looks like one of those sexy but severe things Hilary Swank likes to bust out for formal occasions.
Oscar de la Renta
This would take cojones. Anne Hathaway has them, but I don't know that I'd want to host the telecast in a celestial second skin.
Oscar de la Renta
This is the more likely of the animal prints. Anyone from Amy Adams to Annette Bening could wear it.
Oscar de la Renta
I am ACHING for someone to wear this. I preferred the cocktail version of this myself, but the boldness of a plaid evening gown would be delicious at the Academy Awards. Sarah Jessica Parker, are you coming?
Oscar de la Renta
Another dress I could envision on almost anyone over the legal drinking age. I would not kick that thing out of bed for being slightly hairy.
Oscar de la Renta
Another strong contender. Come on, Johnny Depp, surprise us all! And keep the fur turban!
Oscar de la Renta
This cut is very similar to the Prada that Hailee Steinfeld wore to the SAGs, to the point where even though it'd look cute on her, I can't see it happening -- and she's been a real Prada/Miu Miu devotee lately anyway. Who would you put in this? Nicole Kidman would rock it.
Oscar de la Renta
Jennifer Lawrence has a penchant for bold colors...
Badgley Mischka
Drama! Rumer Willis is Badgley Mischka's new model, and we totally see her vamping it up on the red carpet in this, alongside mom and her step-Kutcher.
Badgley Mischka
Lovely. I wish Julianne Moore would wear something this simple and elegant, just because THE SLEEVE really fried my brain.
Badgley Mischka
Hmm. Jacki Weaver? It might be too much dress on someone so petite, though. I could also see Melissa Leo going this route.
Badgley Mischka
If anyone wears this without the gloves, then I SWEAR TO GOD...
Badgley Mischka
Anyone wearing this would be really brave, because it so strongly evokes what Jennifer Lawrence wore to the SAGs. We shall see...
Badgley Mischka
This is totally basic sauce -- which, not a bad thing. I can only really see it on someone kind of young, like if Dakota Fanning showed up, although for some reason I also think Naomi Watts would pick something simple like this.
Badgley Mischka
Pregnant Hollywood, this one's for you. Kate Hudson LOVES to wear white, y'all. And we really need her to walk the red carpet with her bump, because when she gets pregnant, she EATS, and it is awesome.
Carolina Herrera
Paging Renee! It's not strapless and it's not sparkly -- and it kind of reminds me of when she's taken other crazy Herrera-related risks. Would I LIKE it? I may have to reserve judgment.
Carolina Herrera
This has Bening written all over it. Herrera's oeuvre is totally Classy Older Lady -- with apologies to Renee Zellweger, her most loyal customer -- and this would suit any of the Women Of A Certain Age in attendance.
Carolina Herrera
Delish. I sort of wish Sandra Bullock would wear this. She needs to do something that's decidedly NOT what she did last year, when she had her man-slut husband on her arm and then had her heart stomped on two days later.
Carolina Herrera
These sleeves crack me up. Another moment for Renee to maybe look like somebody's pretty but weird auntie.
Carolina Herrera
Another sort of modest, caftan-y one. You know Jolie would wear this, if she weren't getting all her caftans custom-made by, like, Karl Lagerfeld or whatever.
Carolina Herrera
This is what you wear if you are the date of one of the nominated directors or sound editors or whatnot -- simple, flattering, and guaranteed not to get you caught on camera biting your nails or sneaking Cadbury Mini-Eggs out of your clutch.
Monique Lhuillier
For some reason our image provider doesn't have all the Lhuillier dresses -- weird, since that person was obviously AT the show -- but this one seems like a fancy and likely choice for a younger actress.
Monique Lhuillier
Drama! You know someone will be tempted.
Monique Lhuillier
Monique showed a bright red gown with straps and a red petal skirt that isn't in our sub -- different than the one in the previous slide -- but Splash News ponied up with this photo of a similar dress. I'm not in love with the khaki hue, but make it up in something jewel-toned, and I will be begging somebody to steal the show in it.
Marchesa
YET MORE DRAMA. Russell Brand is presenting; if I didn't think Katy Perry would be wearing Armani, or something equally fancy, I'd totally pick her to wear this translucent feathery confection from the Marchesa ladies.
Naeem Khan
If Kate Mara comes on the arm of The Social Network's Max Minghella again, she needs to make up for that Globes atrocity. This might do it.
Naeem Khan
Hmm. Kristen Stewart?
Naeem Khan
It will never happen -- nothing against Naeem Khan, or any of these talented folks, but the only one who can likely compete with couturiers is Oscar and MAYBE Marchesa -- but this dress is so Cate Blanchett.
Naeem Khan
I don't know who should wear this. So maybe I'll step up and do the job. I have a carpet in my house that might have some red in it, or at least, some red lint from an Elmo doll.
Naeem Khan
Bring it, J.Lo. BRING IT.
Naeem Khan
Much like Oscar's plaid gown, I'd love for someone to wear this -- which reminds me of Natasha Bedingfield's Persian Rug gown from Grammy week, to the point where I would look up if that was a Naeem Kham, except that I am lazy. Who should do it? Bullock? Another option for the F You Jesse, I Am Taking Risks Now And Loving It tour?
Naeem Khan
Mila Kunis, maybe. Although she already did a flowy red pattern at the SAGs. But not that many women are brave enough to wear one.
Naeem Khan
Whoever wants something slinky and see-through should really do some flashbulb dry-runs with this before choosing her -- or his; let's not discriminate -- underwear.
Christian Siriano
The first time through I apparently forgot to write about this dress (which I am remedying right now). Maybe that's because it's a little dark. But it's also the closest thing he showed to a potential awards season gown, unless you include the giant skirt with the see-through shirt, which... I don't until you can promise me I'm not going to see, like, Rooney Mara's nipples on my TV screen or something.
The Blonds
PAGING BJORK. We miss you. And this needs to be worn.