Emma Stone
Our story begins with Emma Stone, a young actress who is becoming a household name, but might not yet be a household face -- on account of how she rose to prominence as a redheaded Lohan 2.0: Way More Insurable For Your Fine Movie, now looks like a blonde Lohan 2.0: Now Less Grabby (damn you, Spider Man: The New Class), and here has the ocular dubiousness of Aubrey Plaza from Parks & Recreation. All of which is to say that if people are totally confused as to who Emma is, or what they know her from, we would understand why, and we blame: The Hair.
Emma Stone
This is eating her head. She looks like a totally different person to me.
Emma Stone
It's not much better from this angle -- it's like a Taylor Momsen wig, from season two of Gossip Girl, crossed with that time Kate Hudson had bangs. What kills me is that Emma is apparently a natural blonde, but she was clearly BORN to be a redhead, so why are we messing around with this? Spider Man: Man of Spiders had better not be wretched, because this kid deserves a payoff for wearing this hair. And I think she knows it. I think she is hoping the wig shoves her through a hole in the floor. Because not only is she seeming a bit self-conscious about the bangs, but she is still not selling the outfit.
Emma Stone
She seems, in fact, to be apologizing to us with her eyes. Whether it's for the clothes or the hair is up for debate. In fact, I wonder if she's kind of hoping nobody recognizes her. Because then she can skulk out of awards season more closely associated with her Globes high than with any of the strangeness that came after. Like this train.
Emma Stone
It looks like somebody TP'd her with stuff they found in Karl Lagerfeld's attic. Snip that off, and we might be in business. Leave it on, and it's going to get sucked into a space heater and cut to ribbons. Which I guess she could use to decorate her hair, which needs the help.
Also, Dear Emma: If you worked this like you meant it, we might believe it. But when you make jokey faces and then walk off with your head hanging down, we have no choice but to conclude that you are headed to the ladies' room to hide in a stall all night playing Angry Birds. Love, Heather
Changing tacks for a second, let's see what Emma pulled out for a pre-Oscars event.
Emma Stone
This is BETTER hair -- proof that it doesn't have to look like an artless shag plus bedhead plus teen rebellion. I am not sure I'm wild about the dress, though. It's kind of like what Helena Bonham Carter's ladies-in-waiting would wear. And, it's strikingly similar to a look January Jones sported at this same party.
January Jones
I almost want to switch their jackets -- denim would suit Emma's more casual vibe better. January's also has this sheer component with a short metallic underlay, which... gosh, they could both be in HBC's employ. I think I like the length better on January's, the shoes better on Emma, I'm not sold on either jacket, and in general I think maxi dresses need to be in mothballs right now. I'm leaning toward Emma working this style better, but it's kind of a case of choosing between stale Ritz crackers and stale Saltines: Neither one is really jiving with my Jif.