Charlize Theron

This doesn't even fit that well, does it?

Charlize Theron

It's better from this angle, but it's still just such a giant dark nothing to me. And the train has a window. It reminds me of the Dior that J.Lawr wore where everyone thought the back had ripped, but actually, it just had a mesh panel. This is a better train than that one, but ugh, Charlize is too statuesque for such a matronly bodice and a forgettable design.

Charlize Theron

I'm not sold on her makeup, either. Can i blame Sean Penn for all this?

Charlize Theron and Sean Penn (Oscar weekend)

I'm just really not sure about this, y'all. Or, perhaps I am sure about it, and what I'm sure of is that it's weird to me and I think she might have moody taste in men.

Sean Penn, Charlize Theron, and Pharrell

They seem HAPPY, but... I mean, even Pharrell agrees with me, right? Yeah.

Oscars Fug Carpet: Charlize Theron in Christian Dior

My first impression of this was, "Why does the bodice look like giant dancing Champagne bottles?" That only works if they are ACTUAL giant dancing Champagne bottles, and they are in my house. [Photos: Getty]