84th Annual Academy Awards - Arrivals

Heather noted on the live-blog that the detailing on her boobs looked like eyelids and now that's all I can see.

84th Annual Academy Awards - Arrivals

The back is interesting and by "interesting", I mean "a salute to scoliosis." That is not a compliment.

84th Annual Academy Awards - Arrivals

I actually think this looks better in the long shot than it did on camera, but I still want to go over there and sort of nip and tuck everything. This sort of thing needs to be perfectly tailored -- you can't just toss it on and hope for the best. BECAUSE THEN YOU DON'T GET THE BEST.

Oscars Fug Carpet: Rooney Mara

On one hand, this is like the Platonic Ideal of what Rooney Mara would wear to the Oscars: colorless, architectural, a little weird, and best suited for someone with minimal cleav. (Minimal Cleav, by the way, is the name of my new band. You're going to love our new single, "Don't Hate Me (Because I Don't Need a Sports Bra).") On the other, WHY DOESN'T IT FIT HER BETTER?