Madonna and Lourdes
Um. Lola looks cute. You look INSANELY DESPERATE FOR ATTENTION.
SIGH.
You are NOT SHARON STONE. Although I would pay money to watch the two of you arm-wrestle. You could take her.
Madonna
You know those are hot pants, right? And you're over 50? I mean, yes, your body is great but HOTPANTS OVER 50 is not okay. Honestly, I think hotpants are not okay over 15. Unless you're about to go on stage in Chicago or something. ARE YOU? That would be a good excuse for this. THINK ABOUT IT.
Madonna
You know you can still be awesome without dressing like Taylor Momsen, right? You're MADONNA. You're SMARTER than this. YOU DON'T NEED TO WEAR THIS FOR ATTENTION. I can't believe I'm going to suggest this, but if you're going to do the Britney thing, perhaps you should just carry a snake everywhere instead? It worked for Lord Voldemort!
YE GADS.
But no. Instead we all had to suffer through your old butt cheeks all night. I don't care how firm said butt cheeks are. The only cheeks I want to see on ANYONE outside the house EVER are on located on people's faces.