Common
Are Common's pants just a weeeee bit too short? (You should know that I spent, like, a LOT of time looking at this photo before I even glanced down at his feet.)
Common and The Weeknd
And LOTS of people took their pictures with Common -- can you blame them? LOOK AT HIM -- from The Weeknd here, to Jennifer Garner, who took a selfie with him. Please God, let Jennifer Garner and Common start dating. (Oh, wait. Common is dating Laura Dern, and I like her. Hmm. Let me workshop this.)
Leonardo DiCaprio
Thank god our long national nightmare is over, and this ancient actor -- surely on the doorstep of the end of his career, if not grim death -- can rest knowing that at last his legacy is assured. (I actually have nothing against Leo. As I have ranted here before, I just find the narrative that it's unfair that he never won an Oscar before the ripe old age OF 41 to be absurd. Talk to Susan Lucci, you guys!!) But he looks handsome here and also now everyone can shut up about this! Including me!
Michael Strahan
This is groovy. Do we think the vest is a bridge too far?
Abraham Attah
This kid is so handsome and charming. His shoes, by the way, are velvet Toms slippers -- VERY formal, sincerely; see the footwear stylings of Prince William, for example -- and the brand is donating 10,000 pairs of shoes to kids in Ghana (his home country).
Chris Evans in Prada
HANDSOME. A lot of men went very, very classic last night. I approve.
Jason Segel in Prada
Here's my question for you: Does Jason seem like he might have a secretly ginger beard?
Jared Leto
Understated as ever, Jared Leto.
Eddie Redmaybe and Hannah Bagshawe
Eddie looks very nice, and although Hannah looks a bit like a deer in headlights here, she also looks really lovely. I LOVE that neck piece.
Finn Wittrock in Prada
This is subtly navy, and I really like it. (Prada dressed some foxy dudes last night.)
Naomi and Liev
We looked at Naomi earlier -- she looks AMAZING -- but Liev isn't too shabby, either.
Lee Byung-hun
Lee Byung-hun, as I noted during last night's telecast, is sooooooo goooooood-looking.
Will Poulter in Prada
There was a surprising lot of velvet on the red carpet on men last night.
Roger Federer
You guys! Federer went to the Oscars! (Why? I have no idea. I'm not complaining.)
Kevin Hart, Eniko Parrisj
Kevin Hart is bejeweled. I like it.
Mark Rylance
Mark Rylance! I hope he and Michael Strahan chatted about their somewhat similar looks. I was sad Stallone didn't win last night, but delighted that Rylance did, if that makes sense.
Michael Keaton
Michael Keaton appears to be achieving Peak Michael Keaton.
Henry Cavill
I'm relieved to note that Henry Cavill -- who so often looks like a wax figure -- here looks like a proper human. (He's always handsome. He just doesn't always seem...alive.)
Benicio del Toro
I just noticed: This man has looked EXACTLY this age for about forty-five years.
Slyvester Stallone and Jennifer Flavin
Stallone looks handsome! One of you noted on Twitter that "he's gotten his old face back," and I think that's true.
Robin Dearden, Bryan Cranston
I would not have pegged Cranston as a man who'd decide to go shiny.
Tom Hardy, Charlotte Riley
Tom Hardy, of course, goes all Everyone Looks Hotter In Sunglasses for the Oscars red carpet. This is sort of obnoxious and sort of amusing, in equal parts.
Sunrise Coigney, Mark Ruffalo
Mark Ruffalo, I apologize for the fact that this is a semi-awkward picture of you. You are handsome and snazzy.
Matt Damon and Luciana
"Hello! We're not going to win tonight!"
Michael Fassbender
"Hello! I'm also not going to win tonight! But my girlfriend will."
Dave Grohl and Jordyn Blum
She looks lovely, I think. Dave Grohl always looks, to me, like he'd rather be wearing jeans. (Which is probably true.)
Pharrell and Helen Lasichanh
I feel like they got all the way to the venue before Pharrell realized he looked ALMOST TOTALLY NORMAL and swiftly rolled up his trousers.
Louis Gossett, Jr.
I am not sure who Louis Gossett, Jr.'s date is this year -- he's not currently married -- but they both look nice.
Jason Sudeikis
Very basic, very classic.
Steve Carell and Nancy Walls
This particular pocket square was VERY much the pocket square of choice last night.
Chadwick Boseman
What did I tell you about the pocket square? (Is his blazer a different color than his pants? Do we even care? He's so handsome.)
Orlando Jones
This blazer sort of looks as if it might be a decoupage of other awards statuettes.
Forrest Goodluck
He looks super handsome and relaxed for his first Oscars.
Jacob Tremblay
I am going to be very sad to have to go through next year's awards season without a Jacob Tremblay. Can we get him a new job immediately?
Jacob Tremblay
Big finish!