Joan Collins
As if we weren't going to begin this slideshow with our once and future queen, Alexis Morell Carrington Colby Dexter Dexter Rowan. She looks just as she ought.
Patricia Clarkson in Alberta Ferretti
I suspect this is Patricia's own, off-the-rack Alberta Ferretti, since it's from a few seasons ago. I actually love that. (She looks very pretty in it, as well.)
Aubrey Plaza in Vionnet
I was all set to hate this, but I actually think the whole 1930s bias-cut slip actually works on her -- which is a miracle. This was a high degree of difficulty, aided by her hair and makeup.
Sarah Lancaster
This is totally fine!
Bellamy Young
This looks vaguely EVIL, somehow? That might be what she's going for, though. I don't know her life.
Patricia Arquette in Marina Rinaldi
I actually really love this neckline on her. Is the dress maybe a bit tight? Yes -- but overall, this feels good.
Sarah Silverman and Michael Sheen
My brain CANNOT hang onto the info that they're dating. It just refuses to remember.
Erin Wasson
This feels about right.
Dita Von Teese in Zac Posen
This ALSO feels about right. (I actually quite like this. Those shoes! That clutch! My heart!)
Aja Naomi King in Maiyet
This dress is, I suspect, prettier in person. It feels a little Formal Bridesmaid in photos, though.
Maria Sharapova
Just in case a formal tennis match breaks out.
Michelle Rodriguez
I saw a headline this week that said, "MICHELLE RODRIGUEZ: 'I SHAVED MY ARMPITS, BUT NOT FOR THE OSCARS'" and that just reminded me that Michelle Rodriguez is a very good interview. Even if I don't always like her taste in gowns.
Gillian Jacobs
This is really lovely.
Mena Suvari
I actually like this, but might like it MORE if the darker stomach netting wasn't there.
Caitlyn Jenner in Zac Posen
She looked a tad uneasy in most of the photos, but I actually think this is lovely on her, and well-accessorized.
Kelly Rowland
This is pretty. I think... on women with larger chests, these deep plunges end up looking nearly as severe as the slicked down middle-parted hair. I think it's because of how tamped down the goods have to be.
Rhea Seehorn
You might recognize her from "Better Call Saul." This funky-weird sleeve-cape thing actually looks nice on her. It manages to have personality without also being complicated. Well, it IS complicated, but... you feel me. It's a simple dress with some unusual flourishes that still don't manage to overwhelm the overall experience.
Jon Hamm
Couldn't leave you Oscar Hamm-less!