Heidi Klum in Versace
Of course it's Versace. VERSTOPIT.
Heidi Klum
Just so you know, it wasn't JUST in the front. It never is.
Irina Shayk in Versace
Donatella AGAIN. Do you think Donna Karan (perpetrator of Rita Ora's) bumped her head and woke up misremembering her own first name?
Irina Shayk
GET OVER YOURSELF.
Lady Victoria Hervey
Of course Lady V would participate. She rode this last year straight into Fug Madness. AND MADNESS IT IS.
Lily Collins
You can do better than a fly strip over your crotch. You just can.
Zoe Kravitz
It's a very furry mesh produce bag. She attended with her mother, Lisa Bonet. I can only imagine the conversations if I went anywhere in this with my mother.
Cody Simpson and Gigi Hadid
Billy Bob Jack Bob's first trip to the city sure was rootin'-tootin'. Just wait 'til he tells Jack Billy Bob Bob about the girl parts!
Kelly Lynch
This looks just as idiotic as one could have expected when looking at it on a hanger.
Toni Braxton
This is not as naked as the rest. I'm shamelessly trying to unbreak your hearts here near the end. ZING.
Sia
But PUT SOME CLOTHES ON, Sia, my GOD, I can see your chin AND your wrists and ankles.
Although, while we're on the subject: This whole performance art of hers is so exhausting to me. I know she's claimed social anxiety, and I'm not saying that's impossible, but I AM noting the following...
Sia
This doesn't really LOOK like someone who's super socially anxious. Maybe she's a good actress, but she posted for the media very cheerfully by herself, with Heidi, with Christian Louboutin, with Beck, with her husband, with some other rando I didn't recognize... all looking extremely happy and not at all concerned about being seen. Plus, this whole hide-her-face thing is new to this album; as recently as December she was at the Annie premiere with the "Chandelier" kid, no disguise, happy as can be. AND FINALLY, I don't know that many people who handle their crippling social anxiety by wearing things SPECIFICALLY designed to make you look more and longer and harder at them.
SO IN CONCLUSION: While she may well have these feelings, and maybe it's gotten worse in the last month or three or whatever... I also don't feel bad registering my impatience with her enormous wigs and singing with her face to the wall and whatnot, because it seems highly conditional, and smacks way more of Gaga-style performance art than anything else. We'll see. The thing is, Sia, you have a great face! We've seen it before! Let us see it more.