83rd Annual Academy Awards - Arrivals

I mean, he's not even pretending that he's not staring at her cleavage here. Did he not learn from Seinfeld that cleave is like the sun -- you can't look at it directly? Although I suppose that rule is null and void when you're talking about your own wife. Personally, should I one day be wed, my husband is cordially invited to look at my boobs as much as he likes.

83rd Annual Academy Awards - Arrivals

"HAHAHHAAHHA we're INCREDIBLY GOOD LOOKING PEOPLE."

83rd Annual Academy Awards - Arrivals

And all that aside, she looks SWELL in this dress. She's still got the baby weight on -- obviously, since she JUST HAD the baby -- and she looks GREAT with it, and I love that she's owning it in something so body-conscious. The color, also, is fantastic on her. In short, I might write some fan-fiction about them later.

Oscars Well Played: Penelope Cruz

This woman just had a baby. And I think Javier Bardem is buying what she's selling. Don't believe me? YOU WILL.