Natalie Portman

The other interesting thing about this dress is how, due to the vagaries of flashbulbs and ambient lighting, I could not pinpoint what the exact hue was. Here, it's kind of a ... muted purple.

Natalie Portman

Here, it is a more vibrant royal purple.

Natalie Portman

Here, it's a hybrid, with kind of a dark pink undertone.

Natalie Portman

And here, a deep aubergine. I'm not sure what about this photo made it look so dark -- I'd guess this is the furthest from the truth, and that either the first or third picture is the closest. Splitting hairs, though; I love it regardless.

Natalie Portman

The sideswept hair, I was divided on -- for some reason watching people with these hairdos always stresses me out, as if I am putting myself in their shoes, imagining having to adjust it every ten seconds to make sure it stayed put.

Natalie Portman

Somebody e-mailed us about this outfit and said, "It looks like she threw up all over herself." But I think it's kind of cheerful, if slightly trippy (my eyes just crossed looking at her skirt). Am I crazy?

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Natalie Portman

I WILL say that the belt appears to have been a late add -- like, "Oh, shoot, we need to make SURE people know you're pregnant and not just bloated," in case there was one person left out there -- like, someone who has been camping for the past three momths -- who totally had no idea Natalie Portman has fruit in her loom. The cinch strap (I can't bring myself to call it a belt again, since that insults belts) doesn't seem to know where to lie. Although maybe that IS because it came with the dress, and dress itself just wasn't born ready for Natalie's jelly. Either way, I think SHE looks sort of cute, but can't decide if it's pregnancy-related goodwill or legitimate fashion affection.

Natalie Portman

Apparently, this dress is from H&M's Conscious Collection, made of recycled polyester. Which is a wonderful idea, but the fact remains: It looks it. There has to be a way to come up with cruelty-free fashion that's also attractive, right? At least she was only out $50 for it. (Something tells me that a girl who once made vegan shoes, and has "a conflict-free diamond" in her engagement ring, probably did not make H&M spot her this dress for gratis.)

Oscars Well Played; Rest of Weekend, Less So: Natalie Portman

This was easily my favorite of Natalie's awards-season gowns -- a crowning moment for her bump, if childbirth puns are your thing. To go from a sucking chest wound in the shape of a rose to this lovely, graceful Rodarte is sort of like going from, say, the fire swamp to Westley's hot pirate love boat. Even her speech was better, with fewer cutesy references to how badly her fiance has, historically, wanted to nail her. Although we were half-expecting a discourse on the unexpected joys and struggles of suddenly having ginormous boobs, but maybe she'll save that one for the Met Ball, assuming she's a) invited, and b) present, and not in a birthing suite somewhere listening to Enya and panting.