Prince Harry

"Look! I am FULLY CLOTHED. I am wearing a SUIT. I appear RELAXED. I am thrilled to be out of THE TOWER. My grandmother isn't speaking to me."

Prince Harry and Nattily Attired Man of Some Military Persuasion

"Listen, boss, lovely to meet you. If you see me going ANYWHERE with ANY WOMEN, or even making a move to loosen my tie, you have my royal permission to tackle me. Just BOWL me right over, mate. Promise me. Promise me you will knock me unconscious if you see me doing anything that implies I might accidentally take off my pants. If Ryan Lochte shows up, I want you to kill him. Wait, that would cause a terrible international incident. Just escort him from the premises. There's a knighthood in it for you."

Prince Harry's Speec

"Thank you for coming out to the WellChild Awards, an event near and dear to my heart, and not only because the rest of the speakers might think it overly cheeky to make a joke about my recent indiscretions in the presence of CHILDREN MY GOD WE LIVE IN A SOCIETY. Also, welcome."

Prince Harry Points At Adorable Moppet

"...and if they say they've given their cell phone to your body guard, kid, my advice is TRUST BUT VERIFY. Also, your little vest is the cutest thing I've ever seen and I want to squeeze you."

WellChild Awards

"Yeah, yeah. I've earned this."

2012 London Paralympics

Meanwhile, over at the Paralympics, Countess Sophie (Mrs Prince Edward) bitterly resents Kate for getting to wear jeans and sneaks while she's in heels and hose. Lady Louise and wee James (technically Viscount Severn, but that is much too heavy a title for such a tiny child, given that it sounds like a title Professor Snape would have eventually earned in Lord Voldythingie's army) are adorably casual in their coordinating sneaks, like regular little kids.

Pointing

"Let's point at things, Louise! It's great fun! I'm going to start by pointing that that dreamy Paralympian. Don't tell your cousin Wills."

The Medal Ceremony

Kate dressed up later, though, because she was taking part in the medal ceremony. I believe everyone who is part of Great Britain's official Olympics squad (as she and Wills and Harry are, as is Princess Anne [who is actually on the IOC, I think]) wears this outfit, but thank God they let her wear her beloved espadrilles. She looks like a very lovely flight attendant.

2012 London Paralympics - Day 4 - Athletics

"I hope you appreciate that I am wearing pantyhose for this. Also, tremendously well done!"

2012 London Paralympics - Day 4 - Athletics

I just thought this was a neat picture, and you might like it. I do it all for you.

Paralympically Played, Kate Middleton, Plus THE TRIUMPHANT RETURN OF PRINCE HARRY.

He's back, he's pointing at people, he's wearing a suit, he's cavorting with adorable children. It's like someone in the Royal Family's press team realizes that the key to recouping Prince Harry after Naked Vegasville is just to have him do all the things Fug Nation loves most. Also, perhaps they've realized that just running around starkers isn't exactly the worst thing anyone has ever done. It isn't even the weirdest thing his immediate family has ever done. Although, in Charles's defense, he had no idea that his phone was tapped and that one day we'd all hear him tell Camilla he wished he could be her tampon so he could always be in her pants (although if you read the actual transcript of that conversation, he is clearly basically joking. Also, that conversation is equal parts GET A ROOM and also sort of sweet in a weird way if one ignores the fact that at least one of them was still married at that point). Also: Kate looks great. [Photos: Getty]