Karlie Kloss
If the Moulin Rouge had been a rodeo...
Gigi Hadid
Like, this is just absurd. I HOPE Kris Jenner wears this. She will look like a tragic clown. More than usual.
Gigi Hadid
I hope Kylie Jenner wears this while vanquishing Tyga. By which I mean actually defeating him at life and then moving onto a more... non-Tyga companion.
Rosie Huntington-Whiteley
I often think a lot of people turn out to look great with darker hair colors, but Rosie HW should stay blond forever. Also, this shot gives you a valuable glimpse at both of these absurdities. I really do feel like Balmain is for an extremely expensive, elite circus. Like "The Night Circus" except without its artistic pride.
Balmain Fall 2016 Runway at Paris Fashion Week
The ringmaster of said circus will enjoy having so many different color palettes from which to choose.
Balmain Fall 2016 Runway at Paris Fashion Week
Someone will step up and into this. Cara Delevingne, or something. Although she would prefer the pants to be see-through.
Balmain Fall 2016 Runway at Paris Fashion Week
Those leggings are serving up some serious day-old polterwang.
Alessandra Ambrosio
COME ON. Nobody is serious about this here. Right? This is a smoking turd that is trying to catch fire from its own ashes.
Balmain Fall 2016 Runway at Paris Fashion Week
Let us all pause to admit that this jacket is fairly sumptuous. Kim will wear it, assuming she doesn't make them give her a full-length one, because Kim -- if nothing else -- does have great taste in luxe coats.
Balmain Fall 2016 Runway at Paris Fashion Week
Fembot Carhop. Which, by the way, sounds like a very feasible pilot candidate for FOX next season.
Balmain Fall 2016 Runway at Paris Fashion Week
I quite like that fabric as pants, though. That model should not be so miserable. She got off easy compared to the rest of these women.
Balmain Fall 2016 Runway at Paris Fashion Week
I mean, look at this. Don't be silly, House of Balmain. You're not supposed to be a comedy.
Balmain Fall 2016 Runway at Paris Fashion Week
Hooray, I can own this in more than just one color!
Joan Smalls
Interesting that most of the name models switched hair colors with each other, but Joan Smalls kept hers. Maybe she refused, and got punished with those leggings. Or maybe Olivier Rousteing didn't ask her. Who knows. I mean, presumably aside from her.
Balmain Fall 2016 Runway at Paris Fashion Week
This also has Kim written all over it. She would LOVE how Neutral Bullfighter this looks.
Balmain Fall 2016 Runway at Paris Fashion Week
Get ready! Planet Kardashia will not be able to resist, assuming Ciara doesn't steal it first.
Balmain Fall 2016 Runway at Paris Fashion Week
It's almost funny -- tragicomic, more like -- how much Rousteing is designing to their strengths. This feels like he's trying to turn into Givenchy.
Balmain Fall 2016 Runway at Paris Fashion Week
What IS the shape that this is giving her pelvis? It's like... it's giving her groin buttocks.
Balmain Fall 2016 Runway at Paris Fashion Week
That's So Kim, coming soon to a fashion blog near you.
Balmain Fall 2016 Runway at Paris Fashion Week
I feel it's possible this model's legs are exactly as long as my entire body. Also, Khloe would look totally, totally disco in this, in a way that I think she would LOVE.
Balmain Fall 2016 Runway at Paris Fashion Week
When this is not the worst thing out there...
Balmain Fall 2016 Runway at Paris Fashion Week
PANTS WHAT?
Balmain Fall 2016 Runway at Paris Fashion Week
Poor Kendall wore some of these already, but I'm sure she's expected to take seven others home in her bag, and this might well be one of them.
Balmain Fall 2016 Runway at Paris Fashion Week
In case you ever wanted a dress that looked like a rabbit's foot collection.
Joan Smalls
Joan Smalls totally got off easy here, and for that I am glad.
Balmain Fall 2016 Runway at Paris Fashion Week
Oh, boy. I think I used that same material to make the feet for my Red Fraggle costume.
Balmain Fall 2016 Runway at Paris Fashion Week
The shape that these skirts give just looks positively excruciating.
Balmain Fall 2016 Runway at Paris Fashion Week
Bad bad bad bad bad bad bad. Kourtney will get stuck with it.
Balmain Fall 2016 Runway at Paris Fashion Week
I mean, at least this fabric is pretty?
Balmain Fall 2016 Runway at Paris Fashion Week
This is also not terrible. Balmain: wringing ALL the hearty compliments out of me today.
Kendall Jenner
I could live with this, if it were required of me. The dress, that is. The bootaloons are just goofy.
Balmain Fall 2016 Runway at Paris Fashion Week
This is at least arresting. It's see-through, yes, and it's 80s on top. But it'll do. Taylor Swift actually would wear this, if she ever sneezed in Balmain's direction (I don't think she would ever go there, now that it's SO yoked to the Kards, who are way way off-brand for Taylor).
Balmain Fall 2016 Runway at Paris Fashion Week
Please don't let Kim see this. It's unkind.
Kendall Jenner
Well, hell. She's going to see it now because Kendall got one too. This is very Kardashian of the Kave Bear.