Salma Hayek in Valentino

Salma's character brief for this party was Rich Socialite Whose Psychic Correctly Predicted Her Gluten Sensitivity.

Scarlett White and Karen Elson

Karen plays the aforementioned psychic, whose embarrassed daughter knows that she's a fraud whose main job is teaching driver's ed. (Scarlett IS Karen's child, and my God, she looks like her father Jack White.)

Damiano David

His character brief: He's returned from The Continent after three years running a division of his father's company, and he has an accent no one can entirely place.

Hari Nef

Her character owns a vintage clothing store and is annoyed that everyone else is acting like they discovered turbans.

Andrew Garfield

Andrew is the younger, idealistic brother who quit the company to teach English to high-school students, but he DID manage to keep his UES apartment because let's not be HASTY now.

Jared Leto

And he's playing Jared Leto.

Colman Domingo

A musician with the philharmonic, Colman is brought to this deadly affair by a clandestine love affair.

with Harry Styles

Harry plays a fashion designer who's recently been FIRED by Damiano David's father, but he hopes nobody else knows that yet.

Bella Thorne, Ice Spice, Normani

So we've got No Shirt, No Pants, and just No.

Meanwhile, someone came dressed as a cross between a cat burglar and The Gimp. And that someone is... Camila Cabello. No, really.

Normani in Vetements

Switching gears! Over at Vetements, which I believe essentially means "clothes," Normani is not wearing any.

Tom Daley

Pass.

Normani in Ottolinger

This woman has hardly worn a single outfit that makes sense for her entire time in Paris. It's almost commendable. She is COMMITTED.

Ashley Graham in Isabel Marant

We're also seeing a lot of coats-as-dresses, which I guess... would be one way to use all my winter wool that otherwise gathers dust in my Los Angeles closet.

Kate Bosworth

She looks so cute and happy!

Diane Kruger in Isabel Marant

Sure, I guess. Something about this feels like 80s Music Video Icon.

Nina Dobrev, Aly Raisman

Everyone here looks fine, but what you really need to know is that the photo house captioned the man in the middle as Barry Keoghan. REPEATEDLY.

Quintessa Swindell in Ann Demeulemeester

I think it surprised them as much as anyone when their jacket crumbled in direct sunlight.

Paris Jacksonin Ann Demeulemeester

When Muppets wash up at sea.

Thalia Besson in Vivienne Westwood

Here is your Genevieve from Emily in Paris. Sylvie Grateau would never.

Lena Mahfouf

I do actually think this plaid is pretty fun, though.

Brooklyn and Nicola Peltz Beckhkam in Victoria Beckham

She looks like the emcee at a sultry Vegas supper club. He looks... like he always looks.

Several People at Valentino Looked Like They Were at a Bad Murder Mystery Party

Sigh.