Paris Front Row Update

Laverne Cox in Mugler

US actress and LGBT advocate Laverne Cox poses ahead of the presentation of creations by Mugler for the Women Ready-to-wear Fall-Winter 2024/2025 collection as part of the Paris Fashion Week, in Paris on March 3, 2024. (Photo by GEOFFROY VAN DER HASSELT / AFP) (Photo by GEOFFROY VAN DER HASSELT/AFP via Getty Images)

I'm sure this is a very expensive custom-crafted torso plate, but I look at the shape of the boobs and all I can think of is that it's the eyes of a Simpsons character.

PARIS, FRANCE - MARCH 03: Laverne Cox attends the Mugler Womenswear Fall/Winter 2024-2025 show as part of Paris Fashion Week on March 03, 2024 in Paris, France. (Photo by Arnold Jerocki/Getty Images)

And make no mistake, it IS a torso plate, not a leotard. Did they use up their materials budget too fast?

Saweetie

Never would I ever have identified her.

Cindy Bruna

Presumably this IS a leotard? A SUIT leotard. For when you must negotiat whilst doing gymanstics.

Emma Chamberlain

I guess? I mean, the floating belt is a little weird, but at least I recognize the clothes AS clothes.

Brooklyn and Nicola Peltz Beckham

PARIS, FRANCE - MARCH 03: (EDITORIAL USE ONLY - For Non-Editorial use please seek approval from Fashion House) Brooklyn Beckham and Nicola Peltz attend the Mugler Womenswear Fall/Winter 2024-2025 show as part of Paris Fashion Week on March 03, 2024 in Paris, France. (Photo by Pascal Le Segretain/Getty Images)

I don't get the hip window pants, either.

Hari Nef

"Just cover her in glue and then shoot the material at her from a t-shirt cannon."

"Okay, fine, and then lace it, IF YOU MUST."

Alton Mason

His shirt looks like a tongue.

Noah Cyrus in Ottolinger

PARIS, FRANCE - MARCH 03: (EDITORIAL USE ONLY - For Non-Editorial use please seek approval from Fashion House) Noah Cyrus attends the Ottolinger Womenswear Fall/Winter 2024-2025 show as part of Paris Fashion Week on March 03, 2024 in Paris, France. (Photo by Francois Durand/Getty Images)

What a regrettable use of jersey.

Tyga at Ottolinger

PARIS, FRANCE - MARCH 03: (EDITORIAL USE ONLY - For Non-Editorial use please seek approval from Fashion House) Tyga attends the Ottolinger Womenswear Fall/Winter 2024-2025 show as part of Paris Fashion Week on March 03, 2024 in Paris, France. (Photo by Francois Durand/Getty Images)

What if he and Noah decide to date now? She may or may not have dated her mother's new fifty-something husband first (Dominic Purcell), and he definitely dated Kylie Jenner when she was way underage... this coupling feels potentially accursed.

Molly Gordon in Valentino

PARIS, FRANCE - MARCH 03: (EDITORIAL USE ONLY - For Non-Editorial use please seek approval from Fashion House) Molly Gordon attends the Valentino Womenswear Fall/Winter 2024-2025 show as part of Paris Fashion Week on March 03, 2024 in Paris, France. (Photo by Pascal Le Segretain/Getty Images)

Very cute, and suddenly she resembles Sadie Sink a bit, to me. They should play sisters.

Rosie Huntington-Whiteley in Valentino

PARIS, FRANCE - MARCH 03: (EDITORIAL USE ONLY - For Non-Editorial use please seek approval from Fashion House) Rosie Huntington-Whiteley attends the Valentino Womenswear Fall/Winter 2024-2025 show as part of Paris Fashion Week on March 03, 2024 in Paris, France. (Photo by Pascal Le Segretain/Getty Images)

Not my FAVORITE use of butterflies? But it does look good on her, so.

Noomi Rapace in McQueen

PARIS, FRANCE - MARCH 02: Noomi Rapace attends the Alexander McQueen Autumn/Winter 2024 show during Paris Fashion Week on March 2, 2024 in Paris, France. (Photo by Dave Benett/Getty Images for Alexander McQueen)

That neck adornment looks EXTREMELY imprisoning.

Emma Chamberlain in McQueen

PARIS, FRANCE - MARCH 02: Emma Chamberlain attends the Alexander McQueen Autumn/Winter 2024 show during Paris Fashion Week on March 2, 2024 in Paris, France. (Photo by Dave Benett/Getty Images for Alexander McQueen)

Those sleeves seem like the most irritating sartorial affectation ever. If she raises her arms, the back will catch on her bum like a swing.

Juliette Binoche

I accidentally typed "Juliette Bunoche" and realized that's her name in a movie about celebrity rabbits.

Nieves Alvarez in Elie Saab

PARIS, FRANCE - MARCH 02: (EDITORIAL USE ONLY - For Non-Editorial use please seek approval from Fashion House) Nieves Alvares attends the Elie Saab Womenswear Fall/Winter 2024-2025 show as part of Paris Fashion Week on March 02, 2024 in Paris, France. (Photo by Stephane Cardinale - Corbis/Corbis via Getty Images)

Her sleeve looks like a third pant leg. Still, that's fairly soothing after much of this.

Emma Chamberlain in Vivienne Westwood

PARIS, FRANCE - MARCH 02: (EDITORIAL USE ONLY - For Non-Editorial use please seek approval from Fashion House) Emma Chamberlain attends the Vivienne Westwood Womenswear Fall/Winter 2024-2025 show as part of Paris Fashion Week on March 02, 2024 in Paris, France. (Photo by Pascal Le Segretain/Getty Images)

She has Resting Sadface, so she might actually have found an extreme makeup look that plays into it.

Celeste in Vivienne Westwood

PARIS, FRANCE - MARCH 02: (EDITORIAL USE ONLY - For Non-Editorial use please seek approval from Fashion House) Celeste Epiphany Waite attends the Vivienne Westwood Womenswear Fall/Winter 2024-2025 show as part of Paris Fashion Week on March 02, 2024 in Paris, France. (Photo by Pascal Le Segretain/Getty Images)

This is SUCH a jumble.

Udo Kier and Samantha Morton in McQueen

PARIS, FRANCE - MARCH 02: Udo Kier and Samantha Morton attend the Alexander McQueen Autumn/Winter 2024 show during Paris Fashion Week on March 2, 2024 in Paris, France. (Photo by Dave Benett/Getty Images for Alexander McQueen)

Okay, but Udo Kier should attend every show.