Chanel: Runway - Paris Fashion Week Womenswear Spring / Summer 2013
This purse makes no sense. It's like slinging a hula hoop over your shoulder. Naturally, I am DYING for Jennifer Lopez to carry it around. Or for somebody to convince Kristin Cavallari that it would make a superior diaper bag. She seems suggestible like that.
Chanel: Runway - Paris Fashion Week Womenswear Spring / Summer 2013
LOOK AT THAT HAT. It's both translucent and somehow reflective, like a visor. It IS. It's like a hybrid hat and visor. It's a vat. No. A hysor. Wow, that sounds like a tear in a lady's internal membrane. Regardless, I will be devastated if Jennifer Lopez doesn't wear this ENTIRE ENSEMBLE in the South of France as she's boarding a yacht.
Chanel: Runway - Paris Fashion Week Womenswear Spring / Summer 2013
Line this sucker, and Emma Stone would totally wear it to a summer movie junket.
Chanel: Runway - Paris Fashion Week Womenswear Spring / Summer 2013
Any of the Emmas would probably wear this -- Stone, Watson, Roberts. It' cute. Karl is apparently really into a blousy sleeve this season.
Chanel: Runway - Paris Fashion Week Womenswear Spring / Summer 2013
Those accessories look a bit like those giant garlands they sell during the holidays at, like, Pottery Barn, or something -- you know, they tell you to stick them around the base of your pillar candle.
Chanel: Runway - Paris Fashion Week Womenswear Spring / Summer 2013
Maybe it's not the sleeve size but the sleeve LENGTH I am finding slightly awkward? Actually, it's probably both. I don't hate it, but I'm just having to get used to whether it's going to flatter anybody or give them linebacker shoulders. This is nice, though -- I love the color.
Chanel: Runway - Paris Fashion Week Womenswear Spring / Summer 2013
I am smelling Alexa Chung. But with flats.
Chanel: Runway - Paris Fashion Week Womenswear Spring / Summer 2013
That skirt is a crotch-seam away from being bloomers.
Chanel: Runway - Paris Fashion Week Womenswear Spring / Summer 2013
This is as close as we're going to get to knowing whether anyone can pull off a burlap sack. I mean, it's a very COLORFUL burlap sack, and possibly a very comfortable one -- not at all scratchy, no scent of potatoes -- but all that stuff on the shoulders isn't hiding the fact that there isn't much other shape to it. It needs somebody pin-thin. A K.Stew, maybe, except that I feel like K.Stew would never actually put this on.
Chanel: Runway - Paris Fashion Week Womenswear Spring / Summer 2013
THIS is totally two out of the three Emmas to me -- Roberts and Watson, I think, more than Stone.
Chanel: Runway - Paris Fashion Week Womenswear Spring / Summer 2013
I don't know why, but I get the sense someone will try a full-length version of the one on the left. It's going to be a challenge to pull off that neck choker. Diane Kruger, maybe, for either or both? Pacey would make a fetching feather-wrangler.
Chanel: Runway - Paris Fashion Week Womenswear Spring / Summer 2013
Loudness wise, it's Katy Perry. Coverage wise, it's... not Katy Perry.
Chanel: Runway - Paris Fashion Week Womenswear Spring / Summer 2013
Dare I breathe Boobs Legsly's name? That jacket is actually quite cute. It's sort of... part bowling shirt, part men's pajamas.
Chanel: Runway - Paris Fashion Week Womenswear Spring / Summer 2013
This whole ensemble is cute, if your work wardrobe budget is in the mid-to-high five figures. I REALLY want that coat.
Chanel: Runway - Paris Fashion Week Womenswear Spring / Summer 2013
Something about the proportions on that outfit on the right look like this should be in Gap Kids.
Chanel: Runway - Paris Fashion Week Womenswear Spring / Summer 2013
I'm feeling Alexa Chung again. Or Serena Van Der Woodsen.
Chanel: Runway - Paris Fashion Week Womenswear Spring / Summer 2013
I figured out what this silhouette reminds me of -- when Marty McFly's sleeves self-blow-dry in Back To The Future II. These don't need dryers, though, as they appear to be quilted quicker picker-uppers.
Chanel: Runway - Paris Fashion Week Womenswear Spring / Summer 2013
The bottom of this dress is pouting in a geometrically similar way to the model's lips.
Chanel: Runway - Paris Fashion Week Womenswear Spring / Summer 2013
Here's the reason I keep saying the words "Alexa Chung": Because stuff like this requires someone who is pin-pin-pin-thin -- the cut here would add volume to anyone else -- and you also have to be pretty petite for those severe and flattening strapless necklines, or else it will squeeze those suckers like toothpaste from a tube.
Chanel: Runway - Paris Fashion Week Womenswear Spring / Summer 2013
Chung, Chung, Chung. CHUNG-CHUNG. Suddenly we're in an episode of Law & Order.
Chanel: Runway - Paris Fashion Week Womenswear Spring / Summer 2013
This is nice, and also mildly nun-like. It's like trying to solve a problem like Maria by giving her a gentle makeover.
Chanel: Runway - Paris Fashion Week Womenswear Spring / Summer 2013
Boob flaps are so hot for spring.
Chanel: Runway - Paris Fashion Week Womenswear Spring / Summer 2013
I mean, I guess women who are above an A cup would just... buy a version of this that isn't so cropped. Because seriously, there is no room in the planned contours of this outfit for any mammarial landscaping at all.
Chanel: Runway - Paris Fashion Week Womenswear Spring / Summer 2013
I mean, right? The coat would just sit on them like a placemat.
Chanel: Runway - Paris Fashion Week Womenswear Spring / Summer 2013
I LOVE the dress on the right; I'm terribly distracted by the lines of the dress on the left -- it feels like there is volume in places where it doesn't flatter. One of these is the linebacker execution, and the other is the after photo from when I unfug the linebacker execution.
Chanel: Runway - Paris Fashion Week Womenswear Spring / Summer 2013
So cute. Also not made for a lady with a chest, but still adorable. Besides, hardly any of these shows include clothes made for a lady with a chest. It's not exactly breaking news.
Chanel: Runway - Paris Fashion Week Womenswear Spring / Summer 2013
That jacket needs to be removed and launched back into 1983 where it belongs.
Chanel: Runway - Paris Fashion Week Womenswear Spring / Summer 2013
Something about this works even with the oddball layering, but I suspect it'll be very cute once it's streamlined for public consumption. Leather sleeves and a shirt over a dress (unless it's ATTACHED to the dress, as part of it?) are a bit like twice-frosting a cake. Which I actually have no problem with when we are talking about ACTUAL cake, and cream-cheese frosting.
Chanel: Runway - Paris Fashion Week Womenswear Spring / Summer 2013
What I'm REALLY dying for is for a celebrity to wear ALL of those accessories at once, like the model is. It veers the whole thing from cute into one of Sandra Lee's tablescapes.
Chanel: Runway - Paris Fashion Week Womenswear Spring / Summer 2013
When Kiernan Shipka grows up a bit more, something tells me Karl will be all OVER dressing her.
Chanel: Runway - Paris Fashion Week Womenswear Spring / Summer 2013
Pretty flowers. The dresses themselves I am torn about, and curious to see how they might end up slightly changed for the red carpet. Emilia Clarke has been wearing a lot of Chanel, and this feels suitably the opposite of Game of Thrones, so maybe she'll take the plunge.
Chanel: Runway - Paris Fashion Week Womenswear Spring / Summer 2013
I mean... it's just a little blah after all the intricacy and the color.
Chanel: Runway - Paris Fashion Week Womenswear Spring / Summer 2013
This is the requisite outfit for old ladies who like to drop beaucoup bucks on what they wear to church.
Chanel: Runway - Paris Fashion Week Womenswear Spring / Summer 2013
I am imagining trying this on, and laughing so hard at the expression that would come over my face when I saw what it did to my hips.
Chanel: Runway - Paris Fashion Week Womenswear Spring / Summer 2013
Frankly, I am not even seeing anything here except those middle pants. Those frighten me. They are for alien crotch terrorists.
Chanel: Runway - Paris Fashion Week Womenswear Spring / Summer 2013
Zzz, I think.
Chanel: Runway - Paris Fashion Week Womenswear Spring / Summer 2013
I just wanted you to see these again. They're like giant reverse records. Or artsy nipples. I am DESPERATE to see one in action, and I wish I had any reason or budget to go to Royal Ascot this year because I would acquire one and then wear the hell out of it. Come on, Middleton. Do it for me.