Valentino: Runway - Paris Fashion Week Womenswear Spring/Summer 2014
That color is the foxiest thing. The design is very pretty but also SO period that anyone who wears it is going to have to be super careful not to look like she slipped and hit her head and woke up thinking she's Jane Seymour. The Henry VIII bride, not Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman.
Valentino: Runway - Paris Fashion Week Womenswear Spring/Summer 2014
And I feel like this is Anne Boleyn on her way to get her block lopped off. She would want to do it with drama.
Valentino: Runway - Paris Fashion Week Womenswear Spring/Summer 2014
And Anne of Cleves, trying to be like, "Henry, COME HITHER," knowing he found her wanting in that regard and that any overt advances would lead to blissful divorce (although I always did love that he admired her mind and they remained friends -- like, any smart lady would much rather be his pal than his wife).
Valentino: Runway - Paris Fashion Week Womenswear Spring/Summer 2014
I am both fascinated by these, and terrified Adele will get talked into one.
Valentino: Runway - Paris Fashion Week Womenswear Spring/Summer 2014
That is stunning. It's severe and weird and hard to wear, but that is some seriously beautiful work that went into it -- I mean, I WISH someone would wear it, or had worn it years and years ago, so that you could plop it in the V&A where it belongs and let people look at it up close.
Valentino: Runway - Paris Fashion Week Womenswear Spring/Summer 2014
I mean. So dreamy, in totally impractical, museum-quality ways. Katy Perry will probably want to give it a whirl.
Valentino: Runway - Paris Fashion Week Womenswear Spring/Summer 2014
I like this. By which I mean, I don't, at ALL, but the GIANT burgundy H on it is kind of like my scarlet letter, and that makes me laugh and laugh. It also makes a dramatic vagina frame.
Valentino: Runway - Paris Fashion Week Womenswear Spring/Summer 2014
Sweet Hollywood, would you like this in other varieties? Because Valentino really wants to accommodate you and your thighs' greatest naked desires.
Valentino: Runway - Paris Fashion Week Womenswear Spring/Summer 2014
Valentino is all about options this time around.
Valentino: Runway - Paris Fashion Week Womenswear Spring/Summer 2014
"We're TOTALLY FLEXIBLE, HOLLYWOOD. WE PROMISE. YOU HAVE NOTES? SO DO WE."
Valentino: Runway - Paris Fashion Week Womenswear Spring/Summer 2014
"You want a dress? You want a robe? WE'RE YOUR PEEPS."
Valentino: Runway - Paris Fashion Week Womenswear Spring/Summer 2014
"Pants? Cocktail length? WHATEVER YOU WANT JUST PLEASE WEAR US."
Valentino: Runway - Paris Fashion Week Womenswear Spring/Summer 2014
It's weird when your sleeves are the same length as your shorts.
Valentino: Runway - Paris Fashion Week Womenswear Spring/Summer 2014
That is quite cute, and needs several inches.
Valentino: Runway - Paris Fashion Week Womenswear Spring/Summer 2014
This makes me want a cocktail. With fruit in it.
Valentino: Runway - Paris Fashion Week Womenswear Spring/Summer 2014
Take off the coat, and I feel like these colors would not scare Zoe Saldana.
Valentino: Runway - Paris Fashion Week Womenswear Spring/Summer 2014
Hmm. I wish this were sparkly all around. Hack of the sleeves, and... Heidi Klum?
Valentino: Runway - Paris Fashion Week Womenswear Spring/Summer 2014
That is pretty.
Valentino: Runway - Paris Fashion Week Womenswear Spring/Summer 2014
Those pants hurt my heart.
Valentino: Runway - Paris Fashion Week Womenswear Spring/Summer 2014
OH MY GOD THAT SKIRT IS DENIM. Somewhere, a hayride is missing its song leader.
Valentino: Runway - Paris Fashion Week Womenswear Spring/Summer 2014
There is nothing sadder to me than a present-but-unused sleeve.
Valentino: Runway - Paris Fashion Week Womenswear Spring/Summer 2014
Cute but gynecological.
Valentino: Runway - Paris Fashion Week Womenswear Spring/Summer 2014
Shh. Don't disturb her arms while they're hatching.
Valentino: Runway - Paris Fashion Week Womenswear Spring/Summer 2014
She looks like a carpet bag.
Valentino: Runway - Paris Fashion Week Womenswear Spring/Summer 2014
Or just a carpet. Although I also might want to try that on.
Valentino: Runway - Paris Fashion Week Womenswear Spring/Summer 2014
Ooooh, that is a cool pattern. I don't know about the execution, but... damn, I hope someone wears the hell out of it and makes it sing. Keep it off Chastain, though. That would not fly.
Valentino: Runway - Paris Fashion Week Womenswear Spring/Summer 2014
... Not with that shirt. No.
Valentino: Runway - Paris Fashion Week Womenswear Spring/Summer 2014
I'm also a little concerned that the head-styling is a naked appeal to Diane Kruger and how she likes to wear those Heidi braids. Don't wear this, Kruger.
Valentino: Runway - Paris Fashion Week Womenswear Spring/Summer 2014
Oh, God, no. Stay out of casualwear, Valentino. Stay away from Golden Girls marathons.
Valentino: Runway - Paris Fashion Week Womenswear Spring/Summer 2014
I don't even know. Okay coat? Maybe okay dress underneath it? As a two-piece, hell to the no.
Valentino: Runway - Paris Fashion Week Womenswear Spring/Summer 2014
I just got a Kirsten Dunst vibe that put fear into me.
Valentino: Runway - Paris Fashion Week Womenswear Spring/Summer 2014
I'm distracted by how it looks like she's scratching her pelvic bone.
Valentino: Runway - Paris Fashion Week Womenswear Spring/Summer 2014
Ladies, rev your waxers!
Valentino: Runway - Paris Fashion Week Womenswear Spring/Summer 2014
Again, what a color. The greens they're working with are amazing. I also enjoy its stark simplicity compared with everything else, but it'll take some fabulous styling and the right person to make it look alluring on the red carpet. Something about the waist... it seems almost smock-y. Its a Maxi Smock.
Valentino: Runway - Paris Fashion Week Womenswear Spring/Summer 2014
Maxi-Smock with cape.
Valentino: Runway - Paris Fashion Week Womenswear Spring/Summer 2014
Maxi-Smock Sans Smocking.
Valentino: Runway - Paris Fashion Week Womenswear Spring/Summer 2014
Maxi-Smock Sans Smocking, With A Cape. It's the Year of the Maxi-Smock.
Valentino: Runway - Paris Fashion Week Womenswear Spring/Summer 2014
Ooh, a TWO-piece Maxi Smock. VARIETY.
Valentino: Runway - Paris Fashion Week Womenswear Spring/Summer 2014
Oh, god, and a BRIDAL Maxi-Smock. This collection was totally see-through and then totally opaque all in one weirdo bite. I enjoyed looking at it, but... it's having issues figuring out who it is.