Emma Stone in Louis Vuitton
So, first. This. It is not working, right? It is sour lemonade. The dress is average; it feels like she and her team must be asking LV to make her stuff that's not as hideous as its runway collections (perhaps not in so many words), and the yield was this possibly hastily created gown that's halfway to a wrap dress and pulling heavily in the bodice. The color makes her look sallow, though, and clearly everyone also tried jazzing it up with the big neckpiece and all the makeup, but its all just sort of limp and sickly, somehow?
Also what is this hair?
"I KNOW. None of this works. We tried. Then we gave up and watched Marie Kondo, which incidentally is how I will end up disposing of all evidence of this night."
Constance Wu in J. Mendel
OKAY. This is cooking with a lot more gas than her past couple outings.
Regina Hall in Reem Acra
She is so lovely, but that looks like an inexpensive knockoff of something.
Mindy Kaling in Oscar de la Renta
And this ALSO looks impossibly cheap and thoughtless -- by which I meant the dress, but please let's consider it as feedback on the hair, too. I do not know what fell apart here, other than: everything.
Yalitza Aparicio in Dior
Her team cleaned up the cut of the top, compared with how it was shown on the runway, and that's a good edit. She looks super in this pattern.
Linda Cardellini in Georges Chakra
That's fine, right? It's interesting to me that Linda is the only Green Book cast member who came to this. Farrelly had to face the music of some stories about his old gross junk-flashing behavior when he was first starting out, and the Green Book writer got burned by his old tweets, and then Viggo putting his foot in it by saying the actual N-word during a Q&A with Mahershala, so... Linda might have been the only one who was in the mood to be there, for all I know. (It won, too, which has a lot of critics concerned it will take the Oscar. I don't know, though, because Oscar votes were starting right as the headlines did, whereas these were already in, so... you never know. Give it to The Favourite!)
Alison Brie in Brock Collection
"Hi. Yes, this is a lot. Yes, it's like Brock married itself to an old D&G collection. Yes, let's get this over with."
Amy Adams in Dundas
I was hoping for glam, not glum.
Padma Lakshmi
Every time I glance at this, I think for a second that she's holding two dish towels.
Kate Beckinsale in Yanina Couture
Glitter spill, or intentional sparkle? If it looks like the former, then the latter doesn't really matter.
Marin Hinkle
She looks gorgeous, and I want this to be floor-length with a slight slit, or perhaps more mid-calf.
Millicent Simmonds
That's a dress many older ladies would do well to give a try. (I don't mean old, just older; Millicent is 15 so basically everyone is older.)
Octavia Spencer
I want a show where Octavia Spencer arrives looking coolly professional and just fixes it. Whatever it is.
Bradley Cooper and Anthony Ramos
Having just advanced my theory about Green Book's actors, Anthony Ramos -- who has a bit part in A Star Is Born -- is the only actor from that who came, besides B.Coop of course. So maybe this is just a tough sell for the big-name actors, since it's all celebrating the production side. It's not a bad idea to show up and schmooze the money folks, y'all. (Also, if you're a Hamilton fan, Anthony "Laurens/Philip" Ramos is engaged to Jasmine "And Peggy" Cephas-Jones. Congrats, kids! You are VERY CUTE together.)
Jordan Peele
Very dishy.
John David Washington
BlacKkKlansman seems to have fallen out of contention in most categories, but still, what an exciting year for him. And Denzel seems to be BURSTING WITH PRIDE for him. Oscar noms come out on Tuesday, I believe, and if he gets one then I bet we see a LOT more profiles of them as father and son.
Sterling K. Brown
He is wearing that just so, so well.
Tony Shalhoub
And that's a stellar three-piece suit as well.
Ted Danson and Mary Steenburgen
Remember how Ted Danson once wore blackface to his girlfriend Whoopi Goldberg's roast, and used the n-word a bunch? That was back in 1993. I wonder if Ted looks back on that daily and thinks, "Man, what an asshole." Did he come back from that because Whoopi said she wrote most of the jokes and had clearly signed off on it? Or just because he was a popular white celebrity, and it was the early 90s, and accordingly there were not going to be repurcussions for him? (They even put out a statement kind of blaming the audience for not knowing what to expect from a Friars Club Roast.) Because... I don't know, it just seems relevant to wonder vis a vis a lot of the stuff happening in pop culture right now with past and present sins. I figured if anyone could have a civilized and productive conversation about that, it's Fug Nation.