Mila Kunis

Oh, Mila. Those shoes are great, but where did you find those .... are they capri pants? More of a palazzo cut? What manner of trouser-most-foul have you committed here?

Salma Hayek

Salma here looks like she's performing a song from her upcoming autobiographical cabaret show, called, "If Fug Nation Could See Me Now!!!" We can, Salma, and we very much appreciate how much better this is than EVERY SINGLE OTHER THING you wore in the last, oh, 12 months at least.

Katherine Heigl and Rosario Dawson

These two both went somewhat against their norms and are in a stalker thriller together. Rosario looks cute and fine, and Heigl looks like she is about to buy a plane ticket from Philip and Elizabeth Jennings on The Americans. That is SO frumpyon her.

Heigl

I just felt like a close-up of the blouse was in order. It's just not a very nice piece of clothing, and I mean that in quality and in its probable personality. Like, I think it's a jerk to all the other shirts in her closet.

Alexandra Daddario and Priyanka Chopra

And then suddenly this whole thing starts to look like people giving a huge presentation, a la Macworld or a TED Talk or whatever. This one is all about the pitfalls of asymmetry in skirts, and the merits of deep conditioning.

Jared Leto

"All kidding aside, I really do want to know if VO-5 treatments are okay for beard hair. My spirit wants to lean into gossamer face strands."

Batfleck and Jason Momoa

And this is a pitch for why the world needs Perfect Strangers Meets Encino Man meets Sons of Anarchy meets The Odd Couple.

Jason Momoa

"Ladies and gentlemen, this is much simpler than you're making it. Just take a paring knife and STAB the holes into your t-shirts."

The Rock

"But when you say you can smell what I'm cooking, do you mean what I'm searing over the flames of my loin-fire, or the fact that I've got a bolognese on the stove backstage?"

Nick Jonas and The Rock

"Now let's welcome my friend Nick here, to show you how the wrong use of layers can actually BLOCK what you are cooking from reaching people's noses."

Ryan Gosling

"So, like... bring back video stores. Good night."

Damon and Clooney

"This man here just came up from the audience. I've never met him before, and we haven't talked about what's going to happen. You, ladies and gentlemen, are going to see me pull a suit out of my empty pocket and then put it on him."

Chris Pine

"Welcome to my presentation, 'How To Shave Your Head To Distract From The Gentle Snugness Of Your Pants.'"

Jon Hamm

"And welcome to MY presentation, 'Dress To The Right: How To Do What You Always Do Because, Hey, It's What Everyone Wants To See Anyway, And If You've Got It, Flaunt It.'"

Julianne Moore

"And so the reality of pants now is that they need... uh, on the shins, you have to... shit. Line?"

Hugh Jackman

"And THAT'S why Patrick Stewart calls me Cuddlebug."

Goldie Hawn and Amy Schumer

"Goldie here is going to teach us all how to do yoga on an airplane without even leaving your seat. I play the stewardess who gets called to your row by the other passengers who REALLY aren't into it."

Laura Haddock

"Thank you, yes, I'm pleased to be here representing people who sneak blood-red shoes into an outfit that really needed the help."

Regina Hall

"No, I am not taking questions about whether I regret looking like my shirt is falling off."

Jada Pinkett Smith

"Oh, come on, Regina -- well, fine, if you insist then I'll just talk about How It's Done: The Jada Pinkett Smith Story."

Charlie Hunnam

"Thank you so much for coming to hear my speech, 'Fifty Shades of Relief: How To Turn Down A Movie You've Already Accepted Because You Realized It's Truly Terrible.'" Alternate title: "Yes, You're Right, I Do Look Amazing In This Casual Outfit."

Stars On Parade at CinemaCon

Not gonna lie, Charlie Hunnam looks REALLY GOOD in this sweater.