Rihanna

I'd suggest you could call this "chapel length," but I suspect there are some chapels that are shorter than this.

So of course, what's a girl to do after she's spent one full night with twenty pounds of skirt?

Rihanna

Illusion netting. Always the illusion netting. But it's not even a very good illusion. It's like a pair of full-support L'Eggs from CVS.

I can't imagine carrying around a two-foot braid pinned to your head is that much more comfortable than a twenty-foot train. It seems like a migraine in the making.

Rihanna

This confused the hell out of me for a second -- I was like, "Can't somebody get Rihanna to coat-check?!", but then I realized it's just the underside of her skirt. I am super observant, no?

I kind of wish i'd seen this as an actual dress, and not just an experiment in shooting someone with a lace cannon and seeing where everything landed.

Rihanna

I'd also line it, because really, unless you are actually IN Greenwich, if you can see the Prime Meridian then it's too sheer.

Rihanna

Oh, Pippi, don't go all coy on us NOW. We've seen all your tricks. And if I'm not mistaken, honey, you have a very small rip on your thigh. So now that we've all seen your longitude, you might want to find the designer and beg for some latitude. O SNAP I LAID DOWN SOME SERIOUS GEOGRAPHY ON YOUR ASS.

Reb'l Fug/Met Ball Fug Carpet: Rihanna

The other day -- or week, I can't tell anymore -- Rihanna wore this gown with a neverending train. It, like Celine Dion's heart, goes on and on. I can't imagine being able to move around in that thing without slinging it over my shoulder like a bodybag. And while I have no practical life experience with lugging corpses hither and yon, I'm going to creep out on this limb over here and suggest that it's probably significantly less comfortable than carrying a purse. Perhaps this explains why RiRi ended up going a tiny bit more minimal with the fabric at the Met Ball. Of course, with Rihanna, even "a tiny bit more minimal" is ... well, maximal.