The entire left half of this slide is basically brought to you by Draper James -- including, in a sense, Wild, which Reese "Draper James" Witherspoon famously made into a movie. [Can we pause for a sec and note that Reese seems to be trying to pretend Wreath Witherspoon is her own idea, and not something she bit from The Mindy Project?] I suspect that means much of the right side is, too. Also, did we ever see summer in Stars Hollow, or did they treat each TV season like a school year (roughly)? I ask because apparently now it's big enough to have a community pool, yet not so big that it doesn't look like people brought their own deck chairs.

Welcome back, April. Maybe. What's funny about this is that we haven't seen April in 10 years, and in a weird way, it also feels like Luke and Lorelai and Rory haven't either. April is exactly the same, except with the trappings of college pretension ("I only watch silent German films"), and that one time she tried smoking pot and ate a lot of cheese. She exists here only to make Rory feel worse about herself, and also, she's now the age Rory was when the show ended and has zero idea what she wants to do. Between Paris, Rory, and now April... wouldn't it be nice if ONE of our smart girls had kicked ass without also being miserable?

There is something right and charming to me about Lorelai wearing ankle socks. But this outfit does not feel like it's from summer.

Here, I was trying to show you that Lorelai is wearing open-toed slide wedges. I never, ever had her pegged as an open-toed slide wedge person, but maybe that's again because we always saw Stars Hollow in boot and Converse weather. Or we just never saw her feet. Or, I blacked out.

Also, her skirt is fruit. I think it's appropriate that Lorelai has aged into a Draper James kind of preppy style, but where is she getting the Draper James budget? I read an interview in which I BELIEVE the Palladinos referred to Lorelai as someone who is well-off, and I actually said aloud, "REALLY??" Has it been that good a decade at the Inn? I just genuinely never thought we were supposed to believe Lorelai was financially super flush to the point that money was no concern. Ever. I'm glad the Dragonfly is apparently thriving, but she only has two employees and both of them are leaving/have left, so...

I saw this and shrieked. WHAT is Rory wearing. She's dressed like a 12-year old. And from the look on her face, possibly a 12-year old who's about to light everyone in the town hall on fire with her mind. I have to believe this is meant to convey that she had given up on life at this point -- I had to Google it to remind myself Alexis Bledel wasn't secretly pregnant DURING the shoot; she wasn't -- but for real, if Lorelai didn't take one look at Rory in head-to-toe Limited Too and LEAVE THE DAMN MEETING to have a real-talk carefrontation with her, then I think we need to question her skills as a human being.

Carole King got a cameo in which, basically, she offers up a song of hers for the musical and everyone is like, "Ew, no, gross, no talent there." Har. I wonder if throwing her a cameo bone was their way of making up for not using the theme song in any of these episodes. I was going to wonder why Netflix didn't pony up the money, and then I realized it all probably got zapped straight into Melissa McCarthy's bank account once she forced their hand.

The sudden community pool situation has led to some pleasantly amusing screen grabs, but the rest of it was bothersome. These two are sitting there affecting Southern drawls, making two kids hold parasols and fan them off, and fat-shaming people who are hanging around the pool. They even go so far as to put a man in a Speedo just so Lorelai and Rory can make nasty remarks about his size, and the show can play his body for laughs. It was a cruelty I don't expect from Gilmore Girls. I know that actor got paid to do it, presumably willingly, but that doesn't make it okay with me. I do at least hope they paid him WELL. 

At least they compensated by sticking Yanic Truesdale in 1980s NBA team shorts.

Yanic Truesdale is 46. It seemed relevant to note this, on account of how he has a portrait under his bed that looks like Phyllis Diller. 

Well, look, Rory is not committed to furthering her career, but at least she's fully on board with wandering around town in very showy patterns. In the background, Sutton Foster is auditioning for Taylor's musical about Stars Hollow. This all made me think Miss Patty should have been involved. The very little we saw of Liz Torres makes me worried. I hope she's okay.

Oh, Lorelai. I can't stay mad at you. (But WHY are you not having heart-to-hearts with Rory about WTF she is doing, and when she plans to bootstrap herself and get out of your house? You are a self-made woman! You worked your ass off so that Rory could break off a piece of more of the world! AT LEAST LECTURE HER. I guess this is the drawback of being more of a pal than a mom.)(FINE THEN BE HER GET-A-GRIP FRIEND. Nobody needs one more.)(But otherwise I can't stay mad at you.)(I mean. The blouse! The refusal to wear boring shoes! It's divine.)

Speaking of divine. Lorelai mentions multiple times that she cannot possibly expand the Dragonfly at its current location, and Michel seems to think there is not enough for him to do there. Maybe he could... cook? BECAUSE NO ONE ELSE IS DOING THAT APPARENTLY.  Instead, he gently breaks it to Lorelai that he's leaving her for a job at the W. He's going to run the spa, or somesuch, and it's going to fulfill him in ways the Dragonfly's chintz never could. Sniffle. We do get some nice moments where Lorelai conveys just how much Michel means to her, and how much of a mainstay he's been. Also, she's losing another anchor, and yet no current is carrying her away.

There's a LONG montage where Rory and Lorelai have to hand-deliver all the Stars Hollow Gazettes, the central joke being that no one knows which is the east side of town. And no, it's not decided, either. Also, Rory seizing control of the Gazette -- for, presumably, no salary -- has drastically improved her fashion fortunes, for which we can all be thankful.

If I ever ate at this place, I'd be SO CONCERNED by the sheer number of perishable food that's sitting out on the counter at all times, in all weather. Also I might kind of want Luke to wear gloves. I guess he runs a diner and hasn't killed anyone yet, so I should chill. Meanwhile, Lorelai is nailing her pattern game again.

And AGAIN. Also with the coffee. Welcome back, coffee! For so many scenes it was scotch. Or whiskey. Or bourbon. I can't remember and I am not trained in the amber liquids.

Somehow, Rory is the only person concerned that Emily is sleeping in until noon. That should have sounded an alarm across half the state. At least she, too, has patterns on lock.

Raise your hand if you, too, want to shop at Draper James but are horrified by the fact that it's twice the price of Boden.

Okay, so. Sutton Foster and Christian Borle -- two stars of Broadway, and ex-spouses to boot -- are the actors who've won the roles in The Best Little Whorehouse In Stars Hollow, or whatever it's called. As you might expect, it's a rambling and overly sweeping epic that includes pilgrims, ABBA, the Civil War, incest, and a weird domestic abuse opening sight gag. And it will. Not. Stop. Snitches of it in rehearsal amid other dialogue scenes might've been a great running gag, but we are forced to watch WAY TOO MUCH OF IT in service of cutting back to everyone else being enthralled and Lorelai being horrified. It damn near hijacks the whole installment. It's great that Borle and Foster committed to it so completely, but it just wasn't the home run everyone must have assumed it would be. Mostly -- though Sutton is not playing her same character -- I keep thinking that I didn't come back here to relive Bunheads. I came back here for Gilmore Girls.

Sutton's face is kind of what mine was doing as this kept going.

Lorelai and Sutton get one short scene together, in which neurotic Sutton smokes a cigarette and they squabble briefly about how much Lorelai hated the Stars Hollow and the Angry Inch. The whole thing was shot darkly and in profile. Probably not quite what joint fains hoped for when they heard Lorelai and the Lorelai proxy from Bunheads were going to share a scene. Fortunately, they get a moment later.

Rory honestly probably would have worn that exact outfit ten or fifteen years ago. Maybe both.

One of the little touches I really liked: This show launched in the era of colorful iMacs and iBooks, and so it feels true that Lorelai would've graduated to a Bondi Blue cover on her MacBook. And a matching iPhone 5c. That she doesn't have the newest phone of all ALSO rings true to me.

Holy hell, though, Rory looks awesome in this shot. This is how I look pretty much every day when I'm at my desk working, except for the frizz and the bedhead and the pajamas and where is my bra and whoops have I had yesterday's mascara on my face all day and wait a minute no one can see me behind the pyramid of Diet Coke cans anyway.

Hi, Jess. They establish these two haven't seen each other in 4 years. I read a story that said Milo Ventimiglia's swole physique is such an anachronism in This Is Us, and I also feel like it's not right here, either. Jess would not be pumping iron. Jess would, I think, be secretly smoking a lot at night and overstaying his welcome at hostels across France.

I can't decide if I think it's perfect or ABSURD that the Stars Hollow Gazette would have printed a story about a random stranger alighting in their town. Like, the Sherman Oaks Patch isn't printing, "College Dropout Hank Hankerson Moves Here From Westwood, Now Working at 1-Hour Legacy Cleaners." More importantly: I can't decide if the props department MEANT to have the Gazette misspell Lorelai's name THROUGH THE ENTIRE PIECE, or if it was just a really bad day at the office.

All Richard's tombstones had copy editing errors, which is of course my nightmare, so chalk that up to another way in which I relate to Emily Gilmore now. Ray Wise is driving her and Lorelai to the cemetery to meet Rory, and leave flowers on the FIFTH replacement effort; obviously Emily is subconsciously using this as an excuse not to say goodbye, which is sad. Also, I know they all just lost Richard, but WE lost him much longer ago and so I can't help rooting for Emily to GET IT. with Ray Wise. ALSO also, Lorelai looks wonderful.

Emily would be enraged to know Lorelai wore that sweater last night, too. But she might be more blinded by her own irritation that she and Rory forgot to discuss their outfits and now accidentally match.

The look on the undertaker's face here is a hilarious delight. The problem with this one, by the way, is single quotes rather than double. At least that's easily fixed. I personally think she should have gone with something like what Dan Scott bought himself on One Tree Hill -- without actually being dead, by the way -- but whatever. Maybe she'll do that for tombstone No. 7.

You guys, I just want Lane to be happy. Can she REALLY be, in that shirt? 

I wanted Logan to mention that his new stylist is a hotshot lawyer by the name of Cary Agos. They would've had a lot to discuss about ties, and probably also sexy drug dealers with awesome taste in pocket squares. You know Logan's stupid Life and Death Brigade has totally shopped Lemond Bishop's stash.

As the Stars Hollow musical advisory committee is called back to hear one more new number, the star of the show is Sutton Foster but the star of the SHOT is Lorelai's purse. It is both perfect, and I believe a semaphore flag.

Sutton, in a great sweatshirt, is pouring her soul into a lovely if occasionally also sillyish late addition to The Phantom of Stars Hollow that conveniently applies directly to Lorelai. I have no idea how any of it ties into Fiddler on the Stars Hollow Roof, but who cares.  The lyrics are: "I know how everyone else's life // Is supposed to fly by // Then someone turns and says // What about you? // And I stand here // Mouth open // Mind blank // This should have all worked itself out by now // The map of my life should be clear and precise // With little red dashes and circles so nice // Showing roadblocks // And landmines // Oh, I am not unbreakable // I am breaking right now // Maybe everyone can't have the dream // Maybe everyone can't kiss the frog // Maybe it'll be me and a dog // And the little stuffed dolphins on the floor // And a little dog door // Oh, I am not unbreakable // I am breaking right now // I need to be unbreakable // Somehow, it's never // Or now."

And Lauren Graham again performs her usual miracles, as Lorelai sits down prepared to hate this and then realizes that -- without meaning to be -- it's basically the story of her, a person who was forced to buckle down at 16 and make a home for her daughter, and never let up. She never had the freedom of a big, selfish adventure on her own terms, and now she's watching Sookie and Michel seize their moments and all she's been doing is running in place. Surprise gives way to wonder, then to hope, then to heartbreak as she simultaneously feels spoken to and sympathized with and sad. Less than being about dissatisfaction with Luke himself, per se, I think Lorelai sees him and their decade together as the continuation of a rut that began a lifetime ago. The world is happening to everyone but her. Life crescendoed early for Lorelai, and nothing makes you stop in your tracks quite like the death of a person who is so deeply a part of you -- even if her relationship with Richard was never clean-cut. She hasn't given herself permission to cry or grieve, because to do that means to move forward without someone. She hasn't given herself permission to grow or change, or even consider leaving behind any of what she built more for Rory than for herself. Did she choose this, or simply not leave it? There's a difference.  In other words, Lorelai might be having a midlife crisis, and I'm just trying too hard to dress it up. Which is great except that I think Rory also maybe needed a musical catharsis with this song. Because boy, talk about someone who's stuck. How great would this moment have been if mother and daughter experienced it together, wet-eyed and silently but knowingly reaching for each other's hands.

Now THOSE are some good neutral shoes.

This is the moment when Lorelai walks in and announces to Luke that she's going Wild. She's going to hike the Pacific Crest Trail. She is preternaturally calm and flat and unhurried, and Luke is so thrown that he begins rattling off every single thing she's going to have to deal with out there -- no bathrooms, actual hiking, nature -- to which she replies only, "I know," with a tinge of sadness. But the show goes with an episode out rather than an explanation, and so all Lorelai says is, "Because it's never, or now."

And I will say that they sure do PLAY IT like maybe she wants to leave him. In a sense, she does just that, turning on her heel and walking out as Luke remains gobsmacked in the kitchen. Poor dude. He really is not built for episode-outs.

Recap: Gilmore Girls, A Year In The Life, "Summer"

"Summer" feels very much like the episode the Palladinos struggled to flesh out to 90 minutes, because it comes to a grinding halt in the middle for a glorified Bunheads tribute -- and, like Bunheads itself, it's not nearly as adorable as it thinks it is. (I know a lot of people loved Bunheads, but for me it was built on all Amy Sherman-Palladino's worst instincts, like the problems of Gilmore Girls writ large: every scene felt like it was based on an idea someone made her cut out of a Gilmore script, and every character caught the word-vomit flu in ways that made no sense and badly needed editing. Sorry, Bunheads. I didn't realize how much you frustrated me until I had to sit through the Stars Hollow Musical scene.) Anyway: It's getting a bit harder to break the storylines into distinct pieces, and that's a good thing. While this episode still stumbled, Lorelai and Rory are finally doing and saying things that deeply affect each other rather than them simply being each other's scene partners. Rory: Despite insisting all over town that she is not back, which comes off as a vaguely snotty rejection of them as not good enough for her to return to, Rory is back and shows no signs of leaving. Even April, Luke's daughter, sprinkles some salt in the wound by noting that Rory reclaiming her childhood bedroom is a terrifying glimpse at what the future may not hold. (April is a bit more tactful than that, but not much.) So, when the Stars Hollow Gazette shutters after 90 years, Rory decides to take over -- with her two elderly employees, one of whom files all day, and the other of whom naps -- while continuing to declare herself a failure and yet doing nothing else about it. Frustratingly, it takes Jess to fix things: He drops by for 45 seconds and tells her to write a book about her life with Lorelai and then leaves again like the Ghost of Career Advice Present. Given that we've barely seen Rory glance at a book in this reboot except on the above deck chair, I'm wondering why he would think she'd want to write one. But at least he's thinking, and of course he's right, and it only mounts my frustration that Rory is painted as so intellectually powerless here. Ideas are hard. I don't spite her being given this one; that's sometimes how the best ones happen. I just wish she'd tried harder before following these breadcrumbs that someone else scattered. Which leads us to... Lorelai & Rory: Naturally, Rory chooses the worst moment -- their afternoon with Emily at Richard's new tombstone -- to tell Lorelai that she stayed up all night outlining a book based on their life, and it's her new destiny. Her career lobster. But of course it's got to be mostly about Lorelai, because "I was raised by a single mom and then my hugely rich grandparents paid for everything" isn't as interesting as Lorelai's part of the story. And Lorelai is no dummy; she knows the score. And she blurts out, "No. I don't want you to write that. I went through this effort for many, many years making sure people only knew what I wanted them to know. Now you’re going to lay it all out in a book?” Someone better-versed in Gilmore lore than I can vouch whether that's true. Everyone in Stars Hollow seems to know everyone else's business, and Lorelai is hardly a reticent personality, nor has Emily been invisible from the town. Do we really think Lorelai has been closely guarding her life in this manner? The Stars Hollow Gazette ran a story about her moving into the Independence Inn at 16, for heaven's sake. How much privacy does she really still have? That doesn't mean she isn't entitled to want it; just that... I'm not sure I buy THAT as her argument against it. She has much better ones. Anyway, Rory shuts her down: “I’m sorry. I have to. Without this, it’s grad school or groveling for jobs I don’t want.” I... cannot. First of all, GET A JOB. It's what people do. LOTS of people hate their jobs, but they do them so that they can live, even as they search for more, especially because you never know where those roads will lead. Besides which, her mother and Luke are two small-business owners who've worked really hard for their comforts in life, and I don't know where her lack of work ethic is coming from, other than maybe you could argue that being handed Chilton and Yale made her expect to be handed everything else. Second, Rory loved school. Why is she treating grad school like a punishment? Grad school is a freaking privilege, Rory, you jerk. SCHOOL is a privilege. Lots of people don't have it. Please climb in this elevator and take it up high enough that you can get over yourself. When Lorelai pulls an "Oh, fine, whatever" on her, Rory stomps her foot and says, "We don’t do the passive-aggressive thing. That’s how you and your mother work. You’re supposed to be on my side." So she's genetically obligated to be fine with Rory taking ownership of Lorelai's life story? And then spilling into a Word document? I don't think so, but at least it's an honestly immature reaction from someone who clearly got stuck in her early twenties. Luke & Lorelai: Shrug. Basically, Lorelai has let Emily's dismissiveness of their partnership infect her. She and Luke fight when Lorelai finds out he secretly went diner-shopping with Emily (even he got dragged along, didn't want to be, and has no intention of expanding which is I suspect why he didn't say anything -- but of course he doesn't tell Lorelai that, because why choose clarity?), and when Lorelai offers to help troubleshoot something minor going on with April or help pay for something or whatever, Luke casually replies, "April's mine. I got it." I think we're meant to believe that the sum of these incidents has Lorelai worried that they really aren't a unit. And with Sookie having moved on from the Dragonfly and Michel about to follow suit -- more on that in the recap -- and I guess this trust now that enables Luke and only Luke to consider growing his empire, Lorelai feels powerless and left behind and prospectless, and perhaps just generally as if she forgot to realize she still had choices. So she decides to go wild, or rather Wild; to Luke, she explains her need to leave without knowing when she'll come back by quoting Sutton Foster's last song of the episode: "It's never or now." Emily: She's still cranky, grieving, and picking apart every attempt at giving Richard the perfect tombstone. All very realistic. All that's really changing with her is that she's becoming slowly impatient with her D.A.R. group, she's hanging out with Ray Wise (one of Richard's old business associates), and she keeps expanding her employee circle to include more and more of Berta's family, which... well, I've already said I think that storyline feels like a tone-deaf relic, in a way the show may believe Emily Gilmore herself to be, but which isn't convincing enough -- Kelly Bishop is, I think, simply too innately groovy for it -- to be the peg on which it all hangs. Logan: French Odette moves into his apartment, meaning that Rory can't visit without being exiled to a hotel. She's an expensive booty call; he's Richard Gere-ing her, except without offering an actual apartment for his kept mistress. Rory slowly realizes that he's her first, second, and third call in a crisis, which doesn't work if she's not the first woman in his bed. So: "We’re breaking up. Except we can’t break up, because we’re nothing," she sniffles. I feel bad for her, but man, I wish they were breaking up because she didn't want to keep tapping another woman's ass-keg, and not simply because reality stormed in on her and pulled her hair. However, let's be real, it's also probably realistic. It's hard to do the right thing if you believe, as I think Rory did, that eventually things are going to break your way if you hang in long enough. Magical thinking, kid. Dangerous magical thinking.