The Porchie
This is Porchie, Elizabeth's lifelong friend and racing manager and -- the show implies -- potentially a person she ought to have married instead of Philip. His obit, in The Guardian, is quite interesting, and things don't always go well for him. (Fun fact: he was born at Highclere, AKA Downton Abbey, as he was an Earl of Carnarvon.) Anyhoos, here he ASSURES his future wife -- an American, in the grand tradition - that he is NOT in love with Her Majesty, nor she with him, no no. In actuality, the show implies that they are best friends and he probably IS somewhat in love with her, and that she might have been much happier had she also been in love with him instead of with that dashing shitheel Philip.
The Nightgown
Speaking of whom, Philip is spending all his time off carousing with his friend Michael The Bad Influence while His Wife The Queen is home alone in her very chaste-looking nightgown, staring out the window and waiting for him, and then pretending to be asleep when he rolls in thusly...
The Wastrel
Can't imagine why. How alluring he is here! Philip watches her sleep for a second, then shuts the door between their bedrooms and (presumably) barfs a couple of times between this moment and the next morning. Related: Remember when Wills and Kate got married and it was a LITERAL NEWS ITEM that they'd decided to share a bedroom in their apartments in Kensington Palace? "So modern! So unprecedented!" (They did decide, allegedly, on separate BATHROOMS, but, as far as I am concerned, that's how you know you're living the dream. "Share a bed, hoard a bathroom" is my own motto.)
The Pond
Over on the other side of our story is one Mr. Winston Churchill, who has spent his entire life trying to paint this pond, and who -- with the help of a wise and also sad painter who has been commissioned to paint a portrait for Winston's 80th birthday -- discovers that it's because this pond came into his life immediately following the extremely tragic death of his toddler (which happened when he was away working for the good of the country at the end of WWI) and he's obviously using his art to work through his loss, whilst knowing that he's never truly going to come to peace with it.
And, in the grand tradition of movies and television throughout time, over the course of the painting of said portrait, Churchill and the painter learn things about themselves...but Churchill hates what he learns, and although he ends up resigning his post at the end of this episode and handing control over to Anthony Eden (whose gallbladder is temporarily not trying to murder him), he also burns the painting that taught him so much, and prompted his resignation. The Wiki entry about said painting is FASCINATING, by the way, and claims that it was Clemmie who had it burned (and that she did this ALL THE TIME with portraits she didn't like). It certainly is a better story for the purposes of this program, however, if Churchill and Graham Sutherland argue about the painting and Churchill destroys it himself. (Sutherland's Wiki is ALSO fascinating.) Overall, I have to say that this entire Churchill storyline was my favorite of his plotlines in this entire season -- REALLY effective and quite moving. Getting old is the pits, you guys.
The Other Nightgown
Elizabeth spends a lot of time moping in virginal-looking nightgowns in this episode. Here, she snaps herself out of her sadness over being left home alone by Philip AGAIN to have a very animated phone call with Porchie about their shared passion -- horse racing -- until he hangs up on her so he can go bang his fiancee. At which point Elizabeth looks sadly over at Philip's empty, unslept-in bed. Poor Elizabeth. Tonight, she shall once again go un-banged.
The Living Room
The Churchill country house living room is my platonic ideal of bed and breakfast decor. Churchill and Sutherland do not discuss home decorating, however, but instead have several scenes wherein they talk about truth, art, reality, the futility of life, and how every day we're one step closer to the cold embrace of the grave. Fun stuff like that. (I jest, but I actually found their scenes to be very moving.)
The TV Room
We get our episode title in this scene, wherein Clemmie tells Winston that she has "the protective instincts of a loving wife, and [Sutherland] is not an assassin," and, ergo, he shouldn't worry that this portrait will make less of a man out of him. May I be wholly honest? I just pulled this shot because I am obsessed with this wallpaper.
The Jealousy
FYI, Philip isn't thrilled by how DELIGHTED Porchie and Elizabeth are when their horse proves to be a big winner, but the only person who notices him glowering so snottily under his brows is Margaret. Here's a suggestion, Phil: Instead of loitering in the back with your ne'er-do-well bestie, try hanging out with your wife once in a while! (I want to note that I love the 1950s version of the nametags that allow you into the royal box [although this is not Ascot; I think it is the Coronation Cup. Yes, you guys, I confirmed that thanks to the fact that the victorious horse in question also has HIS own Wikipedia page.])
The Convo
In fact, this entire episode is full of Porchie and Elizabeth looking gloriously tweedy and happy and talking about horses and racing and whether or not to place their champion out to stud (they do, once they figure out how much money his, er, studliness will make them) and basically it's quite obvious that we're looking at Elizabeth's possible other life and how happy she might have been in it, and not just because all of their conversations are like, "who would have thought this particular horse would be so successful, given that the HORSE'S UNCLE was SUPPOSED to be the star until he fell in love with a COW and ran off to France!" A paraphrase.
The Horsey
Porchie and Liz also have a great conversation about Porchie's fiancee (Liz hopes she has money; why else, after all, would a Brit with a giant pricy estate marry an American?) wherein Elizabeth wants to meet her, and Porchie warns her not to scare Said Fiancee, given that Elizabeth is, you know, the Queen. "Only some of the time," Elizabeth says. "ALL OF THE TIME," Porchie says. "And that makes you terrifying. And she's heard a lot about you. All of it from me. Some of it nice, too." JUST MAKE OUT, YOU TWO.
The Landscape
HIDEOUS. God, this show's budget was well spent. Every single episode looks like a film. Anyway, Margaret trots into the stables as Porchie leaves and off-handedly refers to him as "the one who got away." Elizabeth is all tut-tut about Porchie carrying a torch for her -- a fact which he admitted to Margaret when he was drunk, a spot of intel that Liz ALSO hand-waves as nonsense -- and Margaret smokes glamorously whilst still in the saddle (it's a nasty habit but she does look amazing) and notes that while Porchie and Elizabeth share a passion for horses, PHILIP has OTHER passions IF YOU KNOW WHAT SHE MEANS. Margaret, you deeply gorgeous shit-stirrer.
The Card Game
It is NOT a coincidence that Her Maj is playing solitaire. In case you were wondering. It is herein that she promises to get Porchie his own direct line to her, which is usually reserved for family, because it's so hard for him to get ahold of her when he has important horsey questions. (Philip, when he finds this out, is deeply irritated and totally childish about it, and I'd like to kindly request that he shoot it out his blowhole. But [a] we'll get to that, and [b] I basically always want Philip to shoot whatever his complaint may be out his blowhole, because even on the rare occasion that he is correct, his way of expressing himself invites a variety of items chucked towards his noggin.)
The Argument
This nightgown is HORRIBLE. This is NOT what you should wear while you're arguing with your spouse right before he leaves you alone to go party. At the VERY LEAST show a little shoulder, Elizabeth! You've utterly given up attempting to have the sexual upper hand! Having said that: Philip is unsurprisingly unbearable in this scene, casting doubt on Porchie's parentage (there is a very funny small moment where Elizabeth informs Philip that both Porchie and his father are called Porchie and Claire Foy sounds so ANNOYED that Philip doesn't know this; I laughed out loud) and being basically a completely smarmy jackass, while Elizabeth is sharp and irritable. I cannot blame her. It seems that Philip goes out carousing nightly and leaves her at home, which seems fairly disrespectful and certainly somewhat unkind. I have begun to wish that someone PERHAPS THE EARL OF CARNARVON would accidentally knock him down the well at Highclere.
The Jumpsuit
Somewhere in Brooklyn, Chloe Sevigny is wondering how quickly she can recreate this look. In short: there is a rather lovely interlude in this episode where both Sutherland and Churchill create their own art and study each other's, and talk about paintings, and you'd think it would all end up with them having a greater understanding of each other and moving forward in harmony. But instead it ends with one of them not really caring for the understanding of themselves that they've eventually come to -- which is probably more true to life, actually, anyway.
The TWEED
Honestly, the next time I have a date, maybe I'll show up with a scarf around my neck and a tweed skirt and a Barbour jacket and see what happens.
The B-Roll
I just wanted to give a shout-out to the fantastically lovely B-roll of London in this episode.
The Birthday Cake
I also thought you might appreciate this lovely cake. I demand similar from Heather upon my next, where I too shall at least FEEL 80.
The Wabbey
The service celebrating Churchill's 80th birthday is really moving and I don't mind admitting that I cried a bit (I ALWAYS cry at Elgar's "Pomp and Circumstance," which makes graduation season quite fraught). It will not surprise you to hear that Churchill's speech is gloriously written and slightly snarky -- he basically says, "you all want me to retire in this speech but HA HA HA NEVER I WON'T," after which he then is humorously mean to Artist Sutherland (wondering if being painted by "an ambitious Modernist" is "a gift or a curse") before calling said painting (which I personally LOVE) "a fine patriotic piece of modern art" with great, precise derision. At home, watching on TV, Elizabeth sadly shakes her head.
The Sofa
The Queen Mum has no lines in this episode, but I LOVE her sofa and wanted to talk about it. (Here, she's watching Churchill get his painting that he hates.) Somewhere in Kensington Palace, Kate wonders if she's allowed to burn this.
The Sulk
Whether Churchill likes it or not, it is this painting that finally convinces him that the time has come for him to retire.
This shot is wonderful. Lithgow is great in this part in general, but especially in this episode, where his emotions are all simmering right at the surface and -- at the end -- eventually boil over. He really serves us a potent cocktail of feelings: sadness, anger, longing, childishness, impotence, wistfulness, and, most affecting to me, a real grasp of the pain of aging. I hope he got to keep the prop of this painting that DIDN'T go into the fire.
The Resignation
And so Churchill steps down. He and Elizabeth part ways in a very touching scene that is, like all scenes in The Crown, lit as Buckingham Palace is on delicate fire and slowly filling with smoke. "I have nothing more to teach you," he tells her here, "which is why it is time for me to leave." I ALSO cried at this a little. Apparently I HAVE A LOT OF FEELINGS RIGHT NOW. But, you know. There are a lot of parallels here between Elizabeth losing her father and the men who have guided her in good faith, and it makes me sad for her to be so very alone in the world -- Philip is no help. And it makes me sad for him that he's no longer the young and energetic statesman that once he was. The whole thing feels very bittersweet.
The Hand-Off
I just realized I forgot to get a screengrab of the scene wherein Anthony Eden and Churchill had a screaming fight about whether or not Churchill should resign and which of them is closer to dropping dead, and while I do LOVE fights between old men arguing about whose foot is deeper into the grave, in all honesty I'm ultimately not that interested in the question of Eden v. Churchill. Regardless: this shot is quite beautifully done and now Anthony Eden is in charge. Good for him, and may his gallbladder not explode. (It doesn't, but he...well, we'll see shortly. IT'S NOT GOOD.)
The Barn
Claire Foy looks about twenty years younger in this outfit than she does in her usual Stately Queen Ensembles. I suppose it's only appropriate to look youthful when you're watching your prize stallion mount his handpicked mare. Just making sure: DO YOU GET THE SYMBOLISM? (I go all caps, but I actually thought the parallel between choosing a mare for a prize pony and a mate for a queen was well done in this episode, and fairly subtle. I also would love to know how they filmed the scene in which we literally witness horse sex -- which isn't particularly romantic, in case you were wondering.) And this scene, and the ones hereafter, are QUITE GOOD, as Philip complains about having to go to dinner at Churchill's (certainly, yes, having to trot ten minutes across town upon the retirement of a man who saved the country seems so tiresome), makes all kinds of predictable jokes about horse boning, and gets his knickers in a twist about how Porchie gets a direct phone line to Liz but Carousin' Mike doesn't get one to Philip. Liz says that Porchie is a member of the family, "like the furniture," and Phil goes, "well as long as you don't sit on him any time soon" and stalks off. If it were 200 years earlier, someone would have challenged him to a duel, I assure you.
The Fight
They fight. We cannot hear them, but we can see them, and it's easy to imagine. (The editing in this end sequence is quite good, and Foy's Upset Angry Flushed Face is familiar to any woman who finds that sometimes she cries when she's mad.)
The Queen
And when they get home, Elizabeth puts on some very recognizable finery and gives Philip this speech: "I have nothing to hide from you. Nothing. Porchie is a friend. And, yes, there are those who would have preferred me to marry him. And marriage to him might have been easier. Might have even worked better than ours. But to everyone's regret, and frustration, the only person I have ever loved is you. And can you honestly look me in the eye and say the same?"
Philip looks her in the eye and is silent. "Can you?" she asks. Nothing.
She walks out.
The Speech
Everyone attends the dinner celebrating Churchill at 10 Downing Street, and Churchill cries during Elizabeth's toast and, reader, I also cried. She basically says she's never going to love or trust any prime minister as much as she has her first and it's truly so touching. Seeing Churchill try not to bawl at the table just up-ended me.
The Tiara
And I just sincerely love Harriet Walter deeply, and I think she is very beautiful. I wish she would sit across the table from me and look at ME like this.
The Destruction
The burning of this painting is a tragedy. At least stick it in the attic if you must! (I say this with the full self-knowledge that I would possibly also burn a portrait of myself that I hated if I were in a similar position of power, because I am a petulant child at times.)
The Robe
And it's vital to note that Clementine Churchill is still freaking glam even when she's standing outside watching a masterpiece of modern portraiture burn because her husband is having some issues with aging.
The Apology
Gross. Philip is all mouthing, "I'M SORRY" at Elizabeth across the table when she sits down after giving her touching and wonderful toast to Churchill and everyone at the table is crying about it. Excuse me, but THIS MOMENT IS NOT ABOUT YOU. Like, at all. And that's a TERRIBLE apology. You didn't even use your vocal cords. APOLOGIZE PROPERLY IN PRIVATE LATER. And then think about how you're the worst FOREVER, okay? THANKS.