Victoria Sleeps

Guess who has a cute dog and sleeps in her mother's bedroom and whose uncle died and made her the Queen?

Victoria Receives The Prime Minister

I'm not going to get HUGELY into plot here -- in short, Victoria's the Queen; Rufus Sewell is handsome; heavy is the head that wears the crown; her mother and uncle and various other related snakes in the grass make various power plays, but she's got plenty of moxie; etcetera etcetera etcetera. That said, we do get a good sense in these two hours that Victoria is very young and headstrong and emotional and very suspectible to the attentions of a handsome man who listens to her and gives measured advice, which makes sense with regards to what I know of her later life. I DO have questions about the terribly interesting china figurines behind her.

Victoria's City

The artistic renderings of London of 1837 are very beautiful and yet also look very fake. I often felt like this entire show was filmed with a slight Instagram filter over it that rendered Jenna Coleman beautiful and everyone else slightly...waxen.

Victoria's Nemesis

In which Victoria's mother, and Lady Flora Hastings -- who meets a rather bad end over the next hour -- prove beyond a reasonable doubt that Victorian hairdos have not translated well to modern times.

Victoria Waves

After greeting a variety of politicians and courtiers (almost all of whom Lord Melbourne needs to identify for her, thanks to the fact that Victoria's mother and John Conroy kept her absolutely sheltered from the world, in part as a way to keep her under their control), the new Queen pops out to wave at the assembled. This is at Kensington Palace and I'm trying to figure out where the balcony is (if it even still exists). The special effects they used to create the exterior here makes it look as her Her Majesty's Loyal Subjects are waving at her from a giant sinkhole in the middle of Kensington Gardens. Like...where IS this?

Victoria's Servants

These are two of the servants who may not be evil, but who are certainly skimming off the top of the household accounts given that they're selling anything vaguely used that they can get their hands on. Mrs Carson WOULD NEVER.

Victoria's Governess

And this is Baroness Louise Lehzen, Victoria's governess who later becomes her private secretary (more or less) and takes a very powerful position at court...FOR NOW. I did a lot of reading on the interpersonal dramz between Baroness Lehzen, John Conroy, Lady Hastings, and Victoria's mother and, dude, you could write a miniseries just about the back-stabbing and rumor-mongoring between the four of them alone

Victoria's Downstairs Staff

Behold, the Vaguely Likeable Errand Boy/Footman Who I'd Kill Off If I Were In Charge Because There's Nothing More Heartrending Than That and the Former Hooker Whose Heart May Still Be Made of Gold But at Least She's Good at Hairdressing. Eventually, the Extravagant Italian Chef figures out the secret of her past, and I can't tell whether or not he's going to fall in love with her or blackmail her but it's for sure one or the other.

Victoria's Buckingham Palace

This is fun to see. It's Buckingham Palace before they added the front facade. The Marble Arch there is THE Marble Arch, which they moved once they added the front bit to the palace.

Victoria's Gallery

It's VERY entertaining to see the inside of the palace as Victora and assorted move in -- there is a scene in the throne room that I forgot to snap, but you know what the throne room looks like. We JUST watched The Crown, after all. It looks THE SAME.

Victoria's Doubtful Team

I will note that Jenna Coleman looks surprisingly cute in the very generally unflattering giant puffed, dropped sleeves of the period, and all her pleasantly patterned day dresses please me.

Victoria's Parliment

What this show wants you to know about Parliament is that it's just basically dudes standing up and yelling at each other on a set that looks kinda thrown together -- which may well be true. But my favorite part of the scenes at Parliament in this show is how AGGRESSIVELY the actors all yell "PEAS AND CARROTS PEAS AND CARROTS" at each other in the background. These extras COMMIT.

Victoria's Lady Flora

I also cannot quite get what the show wants us to feel about Poor Doomed Lady Flora Hastings here. Her dress is HIDEOUS -- especially in comparison to the sharp ensemble Vics wears to review the Household Cavalry -- but her advice seems good and she, at least, seems kind.

Victoria's Mother

I will say that I think these two episodes did a good job of showing that Victoria's mother is MOSTLY power-hungry and kind of rotten but does love her child every now and then. From what I can tell, Victoria's upbringing was AWFUL, which is one of the reasons she herself -- in real life, if not in this show -- was such a cruddy parent.

Victoria's Prime Minister

Does Rufus Sewell spent a lot of time staring at himself in the mirror and having FEELINGS in this show? Yes, he does. It's not wholly uneffective. He also spends a lot of time sadly smelling locks of hair belonging to dead family members.

Victoria's Ride

HIDEOUS.

Victoria's Lighting

Okay, so there was also a long plotline (that I kind of enjoyed; I LOVE Royal Logistics!) about how The Baroness is having gas lighting installed in Buck House instead of candles; this obviously cheeses off the dude who is making a mint selling their used candles to "the pickers," and a power struggle is born. Rats are involved -- unintentionally, but then used to various people's advantages -- when its discovered that the walls of the palace are FULL OF RATS. Just CRAWLING with them. There is a scene later on when the rats attack Victoria's birthday cake and she screams, and Various Nefarious Enemies try to make it seem like this is a sign of her Impending Madness a la King George, but I ALSO screamed when I saw the Rats in the Wall scene. So.

Victoria's Party

I will say that this coronation ball looks LOVELY with the candlelight. And also that this ball seems fun, especially since Victoria gets WASTED. Oh, girl.

Victoria's Grand Duke

In addtition to getting wasted, Victoria dances A LOT with the Russian Grand Duke (I think this one), who is a saucy little minx who keeps very nearly TOUCHING HER BUTT during their dances. SCANDALE!!! I do, however, deeply enjoy his uniform (as I did enjoy the same uniforms in War & Peace).

Victoria's Dancing

You should know that this show loves the overhead shot SO MUCH. There were like 7 in two hours. It's as if the creative team watched Downton and thought, "this would be perfect if it had like 17 more aerial shots into the gallery."

Victoria's Secrets

In which Her Majesty basically admits she is really REALLY reliant on Lord M and also might think he's kinda hot SHE IS BUT ONE WOMEN. (Her behavior at this ball makes it very believable that she would fall so crazy in love with Albert.)

Victoria's Hallways

I just love a good hallway.

Victoria's Candles

...can't you guys just reuse the candles? Apparently, they need permission for that. Which is insane to me. Save your money, British Empire! One hundred and fifty years after this, your palace is going to need a LOT OF REPAIRS.

Victoria's Mother

The idea of trotting around Buckingham Palace to yell at my ungrateful queen daughter with that headpiece wacking me on the forehead with every step gives me a headache.

Victoria's Misstep

So. This wasn't great. Victoria sees that Lady Hastings, who she doesn't trust at all, appears to be pregnant, and assumes that John Conroy is the father, as they spent a long lonely carriage ride together (and, you know, presumably are adults who could also have snuck into each other's rooms or whatever). Lady Hastings says she isn't pregnant, and Victoria demands that she be examined by a doctor -- which is totally painful and humiliating and MEAN, also; just exhile her from court and see if she comes back like six months later way skinner -- to prove her theory. And it turns out Lady Hastings ISN'T pregnant. She has a GIANT TUMOR and she's DYING.

Victoria's Tabloid Problems

This does not go over well with the public. Insanely, all of this actually happened, but Lord Melbourne and Baroness Lehzen had A LOT more of a hand in it. But it was a HUGE scandal and it was really, really bad for Vicky's public image. Which...yeah, don't do that.

Victoria's Apology

"Sorry I told everyone you were having a baby out of wedlock when you're actually dying" "TELL IT TO GOD."

Victoria's Coronation

It's hard to watch these coronation scenes and not compare them to the ones in The Crown, especially since the ceremony is basically unchanged. Victoria does a good job, but it's hard to live up to the sheer amount of money The Crown spent.

Victoria's Overhead

What they lacked in budget, they made up for in overhead shots.

Victoria's Face

And many many MANY many many shots of Jenna Coleman's face. She is not bad in these shots -- her face is very expressive -- but if I later heard that she and the director ran off together, I wouldn't be surprised. Her face gets a tremendous amount of love in this program.

Victoria's Problems

Lord M has to resign because his bill to outlaw slavery in all Commonwealth countries only barely passed; what follows is a lot of back and forth -- including Victoria refusing to allow her Ladies in Waiting to be swapped out so that her companions more equally represent the government -- and then Lord M being like, "never mind, guess I WILL be Prime Minister some more." All I know is, that piano needs some pictures.

Victoria's Military Formations

They spent so much money on this shot, it felt mean not to show it to you.

Victoria's Crown

That crown looks familiar.

Victoria's Other Crown

So does that one! Here, she's sitting for a portrait (it's this one). All I know is, thank god we don't live in Victorian times. For many MANY MANY reasons, the largest of which being that unless we were rich white dudes, we'd be out of luck on several fronts, but ALSO because all of these hairdos are dumb.

Victoria's Tears

So, this happened between when Lord M was like, "I quit!" and when he was like "I'm back!" and it's Victoria dragging herself through a downpour in the gardens, dramatically rolling against the hedges and crying about him. Which you'd THINK was overly dramatic, but the real Queen Victoria was HELLA DRAMATIC. After Albert kicked the bucket, she started giving all her diaries very VERY melodramatic titles. Like, I think the first one was like, The First Year of My Heartbreak, and you're like, "yes, yes, she's so young and sad," and the second was like The Second Year of My Loneliness and you're like, "sure, this is a terrible loss, she is sad," and then it KEEPS GOING FOREVER. Like, I'm talking The Sixty-Seventh Year of My Crushing Distress. So. She was dramatic, is what I am saying.

Victoria's Gas

The issue with installing gas lights is that you have to teach people how to light them or else they'll burn themselves terribly or BLOW UP THE BUILDING, which is what I actually thought was going to happen here.

Victoria's Ladies

Don't worry about Victoria losing any of her ladies, because she does not, but I mostly just wanted to note that the one in violet -- I think she's  -- looks so much like Laura Benanti to me, and I wish it were she. She is Viscountess Portman, who -- fun fact! -- is the great great great great great aunt (or thereabouts) of Tommy "The Mustache" Lascelles.

Victoria's Aunt and Uncle

Behold the Thenardiers! They do both look like they're capable of murder -- and I swear, I think Lady Cumberland looks vaguely like Vicky Gunvelson of Real Housewives of Orange County.

Victoria's Overhead

"I refused to shoot ANYWHERE that doesn't have a floor that lends itself to an artistic overhead shot, Randolf! Do you hear me?!?"

Victoria's Secret

I thought you might want to see some Victorian Undercrackers.

Victoria's Cake

This cake looks great until the rats attacked it. Who WOULDN'T scream?

Victoria's Portrait

It is at this Portrait Unveiling that Lord M sweeps back in and (a) helps his tiny queen take off this curtain and (b) says he supposes he'll be PM again. I feel like I spent a lot of my life writing about pictures of royalty standing in front of curtains.

Victoria's Gambling

And we end at home, Victoria with her friends, playing cards, as Lord M reflects that he now needs to find her someone to marry. If you go visit Kensington Palace, they have a LOT of Victoria exhibits (which makes sense, as she was raised there), including many of her gambling tables, which we saw when we were in the UK last year.

Recap: Victoria, Episode 1, "Doll 123" and 2, "Ladies in Waiting"

Yay, Victoria! First, as ever, some housekeeping: Because Americans can't ever air a British costume drama without doing wacky things to the scheduling, this week's premiere is actually the two episodes bundled together. I understand why they paired these instead of running them separately: the first episode was very strong, but the second was a bit "GUESS WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN oh wait no it's totally not going to happen," and it ends basically right where it began, with the young Queen rather too dependent on her dashing Prime Minister, Lord Melbourne, and surrounded by those who wish to control her, including her Cartoon Villain of an Uncle, Lord Cumberland, who keeps saying things like, "WELL her grandfather was crazy and SHE PROBABLY IS, TOO, YES? RIGHT? In need of a regent? Like...say...her Uncle? RIGHT?" Second: As we did for The Crown, Heather and I will be splitting recapping duties here, so please look forward to her Victorian Song Stylings next week. Third: On the question of spoilers, history is not a spoiler, so don't worry too much about it, but if the show takes shocking and thrilling liberties (like, I don't know, giving Prince Albert a truly scandalous tattoo or whatever), please let us Americans discover it for ourselves. And on with the show. My uppermost thoughts: (1) Between this and The Crown, I feel like I am learning a lot about the relationship between the Prime Minister and the crown. Like 18% more than I am really interested in knowing, although I cannot deny that Rufus Sewell is a very dashing PM and I would probably also fall under his thrall. (Lord Melbourne was married to Lady Caroline Lamb, who ran off with Lord Byron, speaking of falling under people's thralls, and who then came up with the descriptor "mad, bad, and dangerous to know." Fun fact: After Byron and Lady Caroline broke it off, he publicly insulted her at a ball they were both attending and she reacting by breaking a wine glass and using the shards to slit her wrists AT THE BALL. She was fine, but those two sound exhausting.) (2) Every villain in this piece, of which there are many, behaves as it the directive were to act as much like The Thénardiers in Les Miserables as possible. I halfway expected "Master of the House" to begin tinkling in the background during some of the scenes of Victoria's uncle, Lord Cumberland, discussing with her mother and her mother's maybe-lover John Conroy (who, it seems, was totally terrible) the hows and wherebys of assuming a regency, which never comes to pass. (Uncle Cumberland, by the way, was also legit villainous, as the ever-reliable Wikipedia tells me that "there were persistent allegations (reportedly spread by his political foes) that he had murdered his valet and had fathered a son by his sister, Princess Sophia." I mean, who hasn't wanted to murder his valet? And as far as his wife goes, SHE was suspected of poisoning her second husband when he wouldn't divorce her, so they seem like a well-matched pair. (3) Related: I hope you don't have an issue with rats, as they -- both literal and extremely metaphorical -- run rampant throughout these episodes. In the words of the Questionably Ethical Palace Employee Mr Penge, "they're spreading through the palace like a miasma of corruption." In case it was too subtle to just use them as a visual metaphor? (4) Unlike the downstairs residents of Downton Abbey, the employees of first Kensington Palace and later Buckingham Palace appear primarily to be skilled in the art of stealing the Victorian-era equivalent of a shit-ton of office supplies and selling them for profit. They also include a former sex worker who so far does appear to perhaps have a heart of gold, a perhaps loveable errand boy who I assume will die, and a chef with a very dramatic French accent. (5) This show is in love with Jenna Coleman's face. And her face is VERY lovely, indeed, and very well-lit, but I feel like we could have taken down the Loving Lingering Long Close-Ups by about 15% and done very well indeed. Let's take a closer look -- there are many gowns, many tiaras, and MANY fantastic rooms -- and discuss! To the recap!