In case you were wondering, this episode involved a lot A LOT of Victoria and Albert kissing before the screen chastely cut to black. At least The Crown gave us some butts!

Baroness Lehzen, however, very nearly DID get some butts, as she burst into Victoria's room to wake her up at a very inopportune time. I know that aristocratic and royal couples often did not share a bedroom -- as Philip and Elizabeth didn't! It was literally newsworthy when Kate and Wills decided to share a master bedroom -- but this must have happened a lot. If I've learned anything from my many years of watching shows about Romantical Dramas in Olden Times, it's that one's lady's maid is ALWAYS just walking in to light the fire or serve breakfast on a tray or whatever. I find it hard to believe that they didn't occasionally walk in on a little early morning lovin'.

NO ONE CARES.

SO HE SAYS. This turns out to be a lie, when Ernest decides he loves the Duchess of Sutherland too much and must return home to save his heart, or whatever. (His sad valet, however, still has to stay to press Albert's ascots, much to his sadness. Sad Valet is becoming friends with Little Footman, though, which is nice, but not nice enough for me to both learning either of their names.)

ALBERT: I can't wait to have babies!

VICTORIA: Hmmm.

ALBERT: Aren't you SO EXCITED for all our babies?!?!?!?!

VICTORIA: Uh. Sure. I mean. It could kill me. And I have a job I need to do. But whatever. Babies. Great.

ALBERT: YOU'RE GONNA BE A GREAT MOM.

VICTORIA: Right.

Spoiler: SHE WAS NOT A GREAT MOM.

Please note that a mere moment ago, when she was canoodling with him in the garden, Victoria was wearing pink. Now she is wearing this blue. In the following scene, she's back in the blue. (I was once called "the continuity Nazi" by a co-worker when I worked in TV. That guy, by the way, was a real jackass. Continuity is important and if you don't care about it as a producer, you're not doing your job.)

ANYWAY, Albert is bored by endless days of blotting Victoria's signature and fastening her necklaces and not walking her into dinner, and that's fair. Which is why it's good he was given a bunch of interesting things to do (he also apparently was responsible for many of the museums currently around Kensington, which makes sense if you think about what some of them are currently named [the V&A is one of my favorite museums in the entire world. I would like to move in]). It actually is really a shame that he died as young as he did.

This episode involves a lot of finagling about the logistics of Who Escorts Whom Into Dinner and while I DO love royal logistics so much, I also wish this show had a bit more...scandalous bodice ripping and cruel revenge. What I REALLY want to know is whether Mr Penge is still selling candles to -- I can't even finish that sentence. No, I don't.

PUPPY! This accessories-loving dog belongs to Lord Alfred Paget, whose Wikipedia DOES NOT mention his love of animal jewelry. (He did, however, have 14 children. With one wife! Almost all of whom lived to adulthood. Aw, man, now I'm invested in this guy.)

I think the scene with Victoria and Albert dealing with her paperwork was supposed to happen on THIS day, as here, she's wearing this dress again. I wonder what happened that they needed to recut so drastically. Anyway: These men are from the Anti-Slavery Society and ask Victoria to open their convention. Although she supports their cause -- slavery had been abolished in the British Empire in 1807 -- she cannot lend them her active support (I assume because it would be considered making a political statement?). Luckily, Albert is a man of principle and he also has time to write a speech. Much of this episode involves him working on said speech, practicing his English, and running ideas past his...secretary? It seems convenient (and I mean that sincerely) that Albert is allowed to go make the speeches that Victoria cannot; obviously, he speaks for the Queen, even if she's technically not allowed to speak for herself.

VICTORIA: I don't want to get pregnant yet. LEHZEN: Jump up and down on the sofa ten times after you do it. Spoiler: This is not effective birth control, and also I've read enough romance novels to know that there WERE things you could do (including, obviously, pulling out). As your lady's maid! THE LADY'S MAID IS ALWAYS THE EXPERT!

I just thought you might like to see the Duke of Sussex's little cap.

If you don't have time to invest in creating a real romance in your television program, just have the dude "adjust" the woman's archery form. Everyone understands this shorthand. FWIW, in real life, the Duchess of Sutherland's name was Harriet Sutherland-Leveson-Gower and she was a staunch abolitionist who worked hard to organize English women to protest American slavery. Gosh, what a shame that this episode doesn't have anything to do with that and couldn't at all have tied two plot lines together. She also was actually quite in love with her husband and had eleven children, one of whom was the model for a character in The Portrait of Dorian Grey. (He was quite interesting.)

She looks lovely here, wherein she basically tells Ernest that she's not that into him, not really, but...you know, good luck and stuff. Poor Ernest. Even though he later gave his wife syphillis and was kind of a dick, I have a weak spot for the roguish younger brother.

I just thought you'd like to see that Chef Whatshisbutt believes in a nice spread of pastries, just like Mayor Lavon Hayes before him. Having said that, Mayor Lavon Hayes is TEN TIMES THE MAN that Chef Whatever is. (Having said that, in short: We were led to believe that he was going to make Miss Skerritt sleep with him in exchange for him helping her...cousin or whatever get out of the cholera-infested slums, but all he wanted in exchange was to know her first name. So that was sorta sweet.)

I thought you might like to see the disguise Victoria wears to Albert's speech, before his Secretary is like, "um, you know we can still see...your FACE, right?" and she turns around and goes home so as not to steal the spotlight from her husband.

His speech goes VERY well. Albert nails the English words he was having issues with, even without Victoria's supportive gaze -- and I have to say that I feel like Tom Hughes's German accent often veers into Corny, but he did well in this scene -- and he literally gets a standing ovation...

...which turns into an actual slow clap from Jonas Barrett, who the show tells us is a former American slave, but who was not -- as far as I can tell -- a real person. An Edward and a Richard Barrett were present at this event, there were no Jonases, so I think this character is a composite? That said, the Wiki page about this event is not the greatest, and even notes that it is incomplete, so I may be wrong here. I will say that I feel that a slow clap is almost always overkill unless you're in an 80s movie.

It won't suprise you to hear that Victoria finds Albert's moral fiber VERY APPEALING. 

But it might surprise you to hear that Chef Whatever has left Miss Nancy Whatsit a very sweet -- literally -- sugar-frosting inital on her pillow. This is touching, but I mostly thought, "THIS ISN'T GOING TO HELP WITH THE PALACE'S RAT INFESTATION."

Recap: Victoria, Season One, Episode 6: The Queen's Husband

Why am I always watching so many shows about men whinging that having a powerful wife is no fun for them and they need something of their own? I mean, I get it: This is a natural point of conflict in a marriage when one spouse is considerably more important (on the global scale) than the other is, and it's even more naturally so in a period piece that requires a husband to take a step behind his wife. I sure this was a conflict for Victoria and Albert for reals, just as I'm sure it was for QE2 and Prince Philip. But I'm not sure how well it really plays for the demographic that really watches this sort of programming, and -- while this is not Victoria's fault -- this episode certainly feels as if we are revisiting stuff we already learned on The Crown. Additionally, I don't know if PBS had to trim this episode more than they usually do (Masterpiece often very slightly edits the episode they air to be slightly shorter than whatever originally aired on British TV; in one notable instance, they edited out an entire scene with Poor Edith in Downton), but this particular hour felt choppy as hell, and was rife with continuity issues -- at one point, Victoria changed out of one outfit when walking between rooms, and then back into her original gown for the next scene. This is particularly odd in that not all that much happened in this episode, when it's all boiled down to its essence: 1. Victoria gives her high-ranking uncle's wife a discretionary title so that Albert can have the right to escort her into dinner and she doesn't have to be escorted by said uncle. (Trivia: Daisy Goodwin, who wrote the book on which this series is based, and has written the teleplays, played the Duchess of Inverness. That title died when she did, but -- fun fact! -- Prince Andrew is currently the Earl of Inverness.) 2. Ernest falls for one of Victoria's ladies in waiting and then flees back to Germany to nurse his broken heart (surely this is a plotline that they could have really invested in, and drawn out a bit longer?) 3. Albert gives a well-received speech at the World Anti-Slavery Convention (I think; there were several major abolitionist meetings in London in 1840, and he was the president of the Society for the Extinction of Slavery, but the World Anti-Slavery Convention seems to have had a huge meeting in London at the same time that Albert gave this speech and I think he was doing so as president of said society for that convention? If I am wrong, please let me know!) and finally feels that he has something to contribute as a person. From what I understand, Real Albert worked hard for the cause of abolition, modernized the royal finances, opposed child labor, and was generally a stand-up dude. 4. And Victoria doesn't want to have any babies yet but she also doesn't want to stop banging Albert, so, shrug! In actuality, Victoria got pregnant two weeks into their marriage. Another issue with this episode is that it's VERY hard to track the passage of time. The World Anti-Slavery Convention was June 12-23rd, 1840. Someone tried to assassinate Victoria and Albert on June 10th, 1840. Victoria had eight assassination attempts, so they might skip one, but Albert's cool head during this one did great stuff for his PR with the British public, so I would be surprised if this show didn't cover that. Maybe they're....moving it to later? I don't know. I think they're playing somewhat fast and loose with history, and trying to cover that up by being purposefully vague about when we are, but I find it distracting not to know how much time has passed. 5. Oh, right, downstairs! I almost forgot about them! It turns out Chef Whatsit isn't gross but is actually in love with Ladies Maid Whosit and blah blah blah helps her cousin with something something cholera something. Let's discuss outfits. There was, at the very least, a dog in a necklace.