Kris Jenner

This photo is... special. Kris is at the mall, dressed like a forgotten Floridian sofa. I seriously think she might've accidentally gone in her PJs.

Kim Kardashian

I... okay. We need to discuss this. Not even the men's shirt, or the fact that only two of the buttons appear to be fastened. No, I'm discussing the boots. Are those... bear with me... ACTUAL PANT LEGS that she has DE-CROTCHED and then turned into pseudo-bootaloons? HOW ARE ANY OF THE WORDS I JUST WROTE A REAL THING.

Kim Kardashian

And then just when you think maybe things will calm down, Kim wears a dress with scarf-sleeves. If you're not sure what THAT means...

Kim Kardashian

... it's that the scarf pieces attached to her straps actually KNOT AROUND HER WRISTS. I honestly want to start designing stuff -- I cannot draw, nor sew -- just to see if I can get it on her.

Kim Kardashian

I'd have thought she saw enough of herself in the other side of her phone, but no.

Kim Kardashian

Amazingly, this is the best she's looked in a long time. It the most basic of tank dresses, and obviously it's still a size too tight at least, but it's also NORMAL.

Khloe Kardashian

This is technically vaguely reasonable.

Kourtney

How To Make Us Less Enamored Of Blue Stripes, by Kourtney Kardashian.

Kylie Jenner

How much do you want to bet that's an American Apparel tank top that she's stretched down into a dress? And badly?

Kendall Jenner

The shirt and the shorts are about 90 percent of a full garment, and then the boots are about 120 percent. I wish they had stopped and tried to take the average of each other.

Kendall Jenner

Yeesh. No. That is HELLA unforgiving.

Kendall Jenner

I like the coat here, though, I hope the rest of the outfit wasn't, like, pants made of actual living goldfish.

Kendall Jenner

Nobody told her "The Carrie Diaries" was cancelled ages ago.

Kendall Jenner (and Gigi Hadid)

And for SURE nobody told her that she's not Brenda Walsh. You will NEVER be Brenda Walsh, milady.

Recent Fugs and Fabs: The Kardashian-Jenners

Okay. So. I was, initially, kidding when I said the first of these posts was like Royals Round-Up; it was intended as a joke about how the KardJenners wrongheadedly appear to think they are the crown princesses of America. But there IS a logic to rolling them all into one periodic slideshow: It's ONE post, as opposed to the twenty we COULD write. Ergo, those of you who don't want to engage with them can skip them more easily. I thought that made sense, but got a lot of disgusted comments anyway because apparently giving them their own slideshow was somehow just as offensive as... I don't even know, y'all. We've already said they are too enmeshed in fashion and pop culture to ignore them. That decision stands. I'm just trying to give EVERYONE what they want: Kards to ogle for those who enjoy the train wrecks -- and there are MANY OF YOU, and yes, I am one of them -- and an easier time SKIPPING the Kards for those who don't. I'M TRYING. Please don't use sexually derogatory language about them in the comments. Thank you. [Photos: Fame/Flynet, Getty]