The Prince Of Wales And Duchess Of Cornwall Attend The Royal Variety Performance

You know he has to be all, "don't look at her nipples. DON'T LOOK IN THE GENERAL VICINITY OF NIPPLES AT ALL."

The Prince Of Wales And Duchess Of Cornwall Attend The Royal Variety Performance

Because this is truly quite distracting. It is WINTERY in the sense that it's like she's wearing a snowflake as a blouse and for that I rather appreciate it -- I love adherence to theme! -- but it seems a bold choice when meeting Old Proper Luminaries.

The Prince Of Wales And Duchess Of Cornwall Attend The Royal Variety Performance

I actually don't even mind the idea of Giant White Formal Slacks -- sure, they are a weeeee bit long -- and, in fact, there is something in me that weirdly sort of embraces this outfit in a way that makes me wonder if maybe my house has a secret gas leak that's melting my brain. Because the non-melted part would like to remind everyone that she is sporting underboob in a shirt that looks inspired by shaving cream.

The Prince Of Wales And Duchess Of Cornwall Attend The Royal Variety Performance

Camilla is like, "MOVING RIGHT ALONG."

Best-Selling British Solo Artist Jessie J Switches On The Oxford Street Christmas Lights

This is switching on the Oxford Street Christmas lights and it is like a bodysuit and an optical illusion had a baby. I do enjoy her short hair, though. It gives everything she does a kind of Chicago-esque flair for me, like she's POSSIBLY going to to snap and murder someone, but he will have had it coming and also she'll look SWELL doing it.

Best-Selling British Solo Artist Jessie J Switches On The Oxford Street Christmas Lights

This was pre-Christmas Light Performance/Turning On and I guess Jessie J is just REALLY into looking topless right now.

Jessie J looking "Red Hot" in Manchester, UK

This, on the other hand, was snapped a month or so ago, but I could not resist the palate cleanser of a lovely red coat.

Recent Fugs, Fabs and WTFs of Jessie J

Yes, you should TOTALLY wear a shirt where your nipples are concealed solely by high-fashion whipped cream to meet Prince Charles and Camilla. That being said, before you, dear reader, delve into the recent assorted craziness of Jessie J, I DO have to draw your attention to the time Charles met the Spice Girls. That link goes to a YouTube video of said meeting, and it is....something that must be experienced. Posh is terrifically smile-y and keeps mugging for the camera, Scary asks herself to dinner at the Palace and is wearing a sherbet-colored suit with a bra top, Baby asks where William is not once but twice, and Ginger is dressed like a deranged figure skater mashed up with a Dallas Cowboys cheerleader and she is OUT OF CONTROL. She even gooses the Royal bum! Sporty just spends the whole time looking that she wants to tell everyone to get a grip. It's amazing. So we can at least be grateful that Jessie J didn't goose anyone. Camilla would NOT HAVE HAD IT. [Photos: Getty, Splash]