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# RED ALERT: What Are These Shoes?!?
- URL: https://go-fug-yourself.ghost.io/red-alert-what-are-these-shoes-08-2021/
- Published: 2021-08-12T14:00:17.000Z
- Updated: 2021-08-12T04:29:46.000Z
- Description: As seen on Rebecca Hall.
- Author: Heather
- Tags: fugs, #wp, #wp-post, #Import 2026-10-07 08:18

This isn't even a scrolldown, because scrolling implies that maybe you spent some time checking out the rest of it, when I'm guessing your eyes bugged out at the sight of her feet and you SCREECHED and leaned into your screen and yelped, "AM I SEEING A LEATHER TOE CONDOM?" I'm here to help:

![](https://static.gofugyourself.com/uploads/2021/08/shutterstock_editorial_12257203y-1628740769.jpg "'The Night House' film screening, Arrivals, New York, USA - 11 Aug 2021")

YES I BELIEVE YOU ARE. Well, they're really more like... a toe codpiece, perhaps, but still not two words that generally make sense in the same sentence, unless that sentence is, "Please use your toe to nudge my codpiece across the floor away from where ye hath spilt thy mead." God bless this orthopenile crackpottery for giving me the best belly laugh I've had in weeks. They're like if the Vibram FiveFingers sneakers tried to become the Dread Pirate Roberts.

###### \[Photos: Shutterstock\]