in Helmut Lang (shirt)

Dear Rihanna: You cannot simply MAKE a button-fly skirt by chopping off a button-fly situation from someone else's pants and wrapping it around your waist. It's basically a denim pelvic toupee and WE ALL SEE IT. NO ONE IS FOOLED.

Fergie

Oh, My. What's worse, the pants or the black bra under the blouse? Or the hair? Is this a scene in a movie where her clothes were stolen, so she had to do a quick montage in a costume store in order to make it to the event and seize her triumph?

Cate Blanchett in Armani

Compare that to Cate, and Cate just looks even better. And I DO want these as pajamas now, so score another win for her.

Mindy Kaling

Tremendous.

Bella Thorne

This whole outfit feels like what someone would wear to go hiking, without understanding how much actual walking and, well, hiking is involved.

FKA Twigs in Gaultier

She looks like she just cooked a gladiator dinner and is HELLA PISSED he or she left her to do the dishes too.

Jaime Alexander

These thigh-high boots are often so unflattering on just about everyone. She looks pretty good in this outfit, and then the boots look like she jammed her leg into a fire hydrant.

Mandy Moore in Monse

She has been WAY over bronzed lately. She also put a pic on Instagram of her getting the finishing touches put on this look, and there was one person at her feet for the shoes, and another basically rubbing more stuff onto her legs. Maybe it was gradual tanning lotion that backfired.

Shirley Rumierk

She was on Rise, and had the misfortune of being at this event right after they cancelled it, which is... awkward. Also awkward: How much of her body I can see that I feel like should be between her and her doctor.

Natasha Lyonne

I thought this was Bryce Dallas Howard for a second. The outfit itself has its issues, but the overall look is surprisingly peppy on her.

Rosario Dawson

I just laughed out loud. She is so extra. A noted kook in training. 

Freida Pinto in Bibhu Mohapatra

I feel like she often gets lost in her outfits. This doesn't feel like something she's WEARING, so much as a very busy garment with a head poking out the top.

Issa Rae in Thom Browne

This is kind of the streamlined version, and it works better. That is also the most normal thing Thom Browne has ever put on a person's body.

Yvonne Orji in Naeem Khan (jacket) and Carmen Marc Valvo (pants)

And that is just awesome. The jacket is GORGEOUS, and she looks gorgeous in it. The pants, though, seem designed to look beset with wrinkles, which hurts my feelings.

Jessica Biel

Nice suit, Jessica. WELL DONE.

Yara Shahidi

Yara is with the EIC of Teen Vogue, and looks like she wishes they could trade outfits.

Ashley Graham

I do NOT even know anymore.

Piper Perabo

I mean, I guess when you are wearing The Heart of the Ocean, you keep the rest of it pretty simple.

Kate Mara in Valentino

Love the cape, love the bag. This is the best thing she's worn in a while.

Marin Hinkle, Rachel Brosnahan (in Brandon Maxwell)

Lovely! Rachel's style has been a bit of a struggle -- she seems to wear mostly Miu Miu, which is not usually a good plan for anyone -- and I like that she's going simple here. But she needs a bracelet. SURPRISE. 

Alexis Bledel in Valentino

Oh, my, that's loud. I actually like it, though, but not with the boots. They're too heavy. That is one 80s style -- thick boots with a very long skirt -- that should be in no hurry to come back. Along with... all the other 80s styles.

Rachael Taylor (Gucci), Krysten Ritter (David Koma), Janet McTeer, Eka Darville

Everyone's heads look awesome, and so do most of their bodies -- except for Janet McTeer, whose outfit makes her look like an art teacher who also performs vigilante justice by night.

Jenna Dewan in Monique Lhuillier

Sure! That's pretty good on her.

Madelaine Petsch in David Koma

Okay, I actually LOVE this on her. It's architectural and interesting in a way her wardrobe usually is not, and somehow even the off-center crossed neckline doesn't make her whole body look uneven (usually it does). Bravo, Cheryl Blossom.

Leona Lewis in Prabal Gurung

You cannot convince me she didn't make that with bedsheets and scissors.

Litzy

And: BIG FINISH. I don't know who this is, but I am confident her skirt was constructed on a dare while she was locked inside Target.

Red Carpet Cleanse: Mindy, Cate, Rihanna, Yara, a Mara, and More

Bringing a long week to a close.