Janelle Monae in Annakiki

So, at first, I was like, "Oh, that's sort of fun," but something seemed weird in the boobular region. So I zoomed in, and it would seem that she has, like... swirly discs on her chest, but they're low and facing down and basically in combat with the belt? Which is a weird place for them?!? Unless they really ARE supposed to be boob coasters and not actual nipple adornments??!!!!?

Lupita Nyong'o in Mach & Mach

Good news: This is, from what I can tell, a kicky coat-style minidress with totally normal shoes, and does NOT end in bellbottoms made of ribbon and actual Dutch clogs.

Gabrielle Union in Cong Tri

Gabrielle is impatiently waiting for them to finish her top.

Lizzo in Harry Halim

Lizzo looks like she is a Kleenex heiress preparing for her wedding.

Laverne Cox

That skirt is pretty, and the top is... not UNPRETTY but does feel like someone dared her to wear part of her bridesmaid dress again.

Marsai Martin in Jean-Louis Sabaji

She looks great, even if her abs are dressed as clenched teeth.

Robin Thede

Her gloves are well used here, as a point of interest AND as a lively accessory.

Tan France

That shirt sincerely looks like it started life as a Gymboree dress for a child.

Law Roach

I could not figure out whom Law reminds me of here, and then it hit me: IS IT KEN PAVES? It's Ken Paves, right??!?

Chloe Bailey in LaQuan Smith

This would make a good BACK to the dress.

Michelle Williams in Bishme Cromartie

Listen, when you don't unclog your shower drain, weird things happen.

Reader, I giggled.

Winnie Harlow

This is a very expensive and glam take on Sandy from Grease. Crossed with a dash of Rizzo.

Kevin Aviance

This looks like an EXHAUSTING way to spend an evening.

Normani in Mugler

This feels like it must be an ode to stuff Beyonce would wear on stage, right? Although, who am I kidding, nobody cares about pants anymore. (Except Mugler, I guess, which showed this WITH them.)

Andra Day

This has an open back, and she was so intent on showing that off, it took me a while to find a shot of the front. BUT I PREVAILED. HERO. She looks nice, if a little muted.

Michaela Jae Rodriguez

This reminds me of torn bits of cassette tapes. But, not in a bad way.

Lori Harvey in vintage Mugler

This is the Ice Dance version. She's performing as The Raven.

Jeremy Pope

He is OBVIOUSLY her partner. It's right there in his name. You can't spell it without "Poe."

Halle Bailey

And for her free skate, she's playing the role of a British guard's hat. I can't wait to see that routine. I imagine the plot is that the hat blew away in the wind, and the guard can't corral it to get it back on top of his head. I hope it ends with them united.

Lena Waithe

This all seems correct.

Boris Kodjoe and Nicole Ari Parker

I've decided Nicole just really does not want anyone to recognize her. It took having Boris with her for me to be like, "Okay, I see it...?"

Ava DuVernay

Someone asked for an Ava DuVernay retrospective, so I pulled a bunch of pics for our year-end coverage, and it is SO LONG. So much longer than you'd think. And she's since ADDED OUTFITS. But they're almost all really good, so it's hard to edit. This is great.

Jessica Betts and Niecy Nash-Betts

Niecy looks comfy and yet posh.

Corey Gamble and Kris Jenner, in D&G

Corey looks boring, but Kris looks professional. Like she's there to make a deal.

Terrence Terrell

I hope she makes a deal with this man, for this entire outfit. It's fab.

Kelly Rowland in Gaultier

This is not the best pic of Kelly herself, but it WAS the one that showed the cone-boobs clearly. It's very... gentle Gaultier. Like Gaultier meets The Vampire's Wife meets Jiffy Pop.

LaTavia Roberson

She wanted to build an outfit around her favorite potholder, AND SHE DID.

Issa Rae

This seems reasonable, and comfortable.

Bianca Lawson in Erdem

This is pretty, but almost feels like thematically it befits a different event. Like if this gets nominated for an Oscar. Now I hope it does.

Shangela

This seems hastily made from spare Tin Man parts.

Melina Matsoukas

This is how I learhed she is pregnant. She's being very, ahem, transparent about it.

Kendrick Sampson

Okay, I know this is a movie screening, but it would be hard to imagine turning up at this event in THAT outfit, and looking around, and thinking, "I've made a terrible mistake."

The Renaissance Tour Movie's Starry Premiere Included Beyonce Looking Like... Not Beyonce

(No, that's not her. We'll get to it.)