Malin Akerman

I wonder if she called up Lea Michele, all, "Hey, girl, what's the maximum safe ankle-to-ankle distance for placing my entire thigh on display without also taking a trip to Vulvaville?"

Malin Akerman

Is it even possible to have fun in a gown like that? I feel like I would spend the entire time not breathing, flexing my abs, and praying an errant sneeze didn't compromise my drape.

Malin Akerman

Even her shoes are into partial nudity.

Malin Akerman

I wasn't sure how I felt about this, and then I saw Jessica Chastain's version, and suddenly I'm like, "HOORAY FOR LAUREL LEAVES SCATTERED LIKE CAESAR'S MAN-GARNISH IN A SUMMER BREEZE."

Rock of Fuges

Man. One inauspicious bump into Josh Duhamel's lit cigarette, and Malin Akerman would've been starring in Crotch of Ages. HAHAHAHAHA. Oh my God. It's too early in the week for me to be this embarrassing -- if this is Monday, then by Friday I'll have sunk to writing only filthy limericks and/or strange sounds spelled out in bizarre strings of consonants. [Photos: Getty, WENN]