The Crown Prince Couple in Greenland

As the embargo on Crown Princess Mary and Crown Prince Frederik's Greenland snaps SLOOOOOOWLY lifts, so therefore can I slowly bring you pictures from the rest of their visit. CPF is VERY dishy in his uniform, and Princess Josephine continues to be a HOOT.

The Crown Prince Couple in Greenland

Mary does NOT need a bracelet.

The Danish Crown Prince couple in Greenland

This was a gala dinner, and Mary looks very nice. We learned last week that this anorak CPF is wearing is traditional gear for the men of Greenland, and white is its most formal iteration. Greenland perhaps did not consider SEXINESS when designing its traditional garb, which is a shame, as I feel that all nations should strive primarily for sexiness. And for peace. IN SEXINESS AND PEACE is, in fact, how I sign of all my emails.

Prince Harry

It was a summer of many a white polo pant. GOD BLESS THEM.

Prince Harry Plays Polo

Pour some out for white polo pants, you guys.

Prince Harry

And these jeans.

Harry and his abs

Also, the time this happened. I liked this time.

Prince Harry Visits Chile

It's like everywhere the royal family sent Harry this summer, he found that place's most adorable children and gamboled with them.

Prince Harry Visits Chile

This was at the behest of some kindergarteners and, as I said at the time, it was not very dignified.

Prince Harry Visits Suffolk

PIZZA!

THE GOAT

NEVER FORGET THE GOAT.

EDWINA

Obviously, the rumor now is that Harry is hooking up with this (very nice, it seems) brunette who works for one of Diana's charities -- she rather looks like Kate, if I may be honest -- but I don't think any of us have given up Hope For Edwina here. At the least, it was fun whilst our fiction lasted.

Harry, Kate, and Wills at Trooping The Colour

All I know is, SOMEONE was VERY jovial once the Cressida thing was settled and whether that was simply a brave face or not, we won't know until he publishes That's When Things Got HARRY sometime in the next ten years.

Kate, George, and Wills (Polo Pony Not Pictured)

I just want to squeeze those thighs! (George's, too.)

Prince George's First Birthday

"Give me that butterfly now, Daddy, please, it's time for me TO EAT IT. THANK YOU."

Wills and Kate at the Wimbledon Mens Tennis Final 2014

There was MUCH cheering at Wimbledon.

Kate

Here's Kate with the trophy the royal family gives out for Glossiest Hair.

Kate at Wimbledon

Where Kate helpfully demonstrated for us that INDEED, everyone looks better in sunglasses.

Wills and Kate and whisky

It's not summer if you don't wriggle your way into "tasting" some booze, I always say.

Becks and Wills

"It's really unfair for you to make me do anything sitting next to this ugly mug."

Wills and his Wetsuit

Like I wasn't going to re-run this photo. PLEASE. Give me some credit.

Princess Anne

Princess Anne spent all summer, of course, solving mysteries and looking stern in her hat, like so.

Princess Anne on D-Day

Or actually stomping about in a proper uniform, like SO.

Princess Beatrice at the Serpentine

Bea comported herself well, sartorially, this summer. I LOVED this.

Princess Beatrice at Ascot

AND this.

Queen Letizia and her Tiara

Letizia -- this is shortly before she got the upgrade to Queen, and by "shortly" I mean, like three days prior -- did not leave us wanting for a tiara this summer. I actually LOVE this tiara.

Letizia and Lalla Salma

Letizia and Felipe also popped over to Morocco where Lalla Salma was FABULOUS and hopefully inspired our favorite Royal ADA to inject some pizzazz into her wardrobe.

King Felipe and Queen Letizia

When this originally happened, I believe I interpreted Letizia's inner monologue as being a Bridget Jonesian, "ding dong." I stand by that.

Felipe and Letizia

This was the actual event where Felipe got the promotion. He looks as dishy as ever, and I think she looks tremendously elegant and lovely.

Maxima and W-A at the World Cup

I just fell in love with these two over this summer.

Queen Maxima and President Obama at D-Day

Both because Willem-Alexander is clearly WHOLLY SMITTEN with her, but also because so is EVERYONE ELSE, and because she loves herself a crazy hat.

Queen Maxima

LOOK AT THIS THING. MAXIMA. WHAT.

Queen Maxima

This looks like a crumpled up bit of packing tissue. W-A is like, "isn't she the BEST!!" there in the background.

Maxima and W-A

I approve of Maxima pulling out a little Lanvin now and then, as she did here. This color is lovely on her.

Queen Maxima

Whereas this is FULL ON INSANE and I cherish her for bringing the drama.

Prince Felix and Princess Claire of Luxembourg with Princess Amalia

These two attractive people looked happy and had a baby. As I said at the time, GOOD FOR YOU, LUXEMBOURG!

Crown Princess Mary and Crown Prince Frederik

Time for a brief eyeball at some of my favorite CPM looks from the last couple of months. I LOVE this dress on her -- and he looks dashing.

Crown Princess Mary and Crown Prince Frederik

And here, I even give the thumbs up to the Dreaded Nude Shoe.

Sophie and her Crazy Pants

Sophie's pants suffer on their own, but especially in comparison with CPM's elegance.

Sophie at Royal Ascot

But I love her for wearing this dramatic hat, and yelling her head off at the horse races.

Prince Charles on D-Day

Speaking of dramatic.

Queen Elizabeth II poses with construction workers

Speaking of very well done photography.

QE2 and the Iron Throne

Speaking of royals.

Royals Round-Up, August 22, 2014

Have you been wondering what the royals of the world are up to? Let me tell you: NOTHING. Well, that's not totally accurate. They're all on vacation and none of them are leaving the house, so we are free to IMAGINE what they are doing, and obviously I have done so. In my mind, Wills and Kate have taken George to Balmoral (this part is actually true, I believe) where he has destroyed nearly every one of the Queen's priceless Faberge eggs in his unsteady reign of toddler terror, and where Kate is despairing of ever getting to catch up on her backlog of Tatler. Charles and Camilla are knee-deep in a lengthy, summer-long gin rummy tournament, the loser of which is forced to refer to the winner as My Supreme Kissyface, in public, for the rest of the year. Anne has the groundskeeper tied up in a shed and is "questioning" him vigorously. Harry stayed home and is currently trying to figure out how to get a really shocking amount of Pimm's out of his grandmother's rug. In Spain, Letizia and Felipe are currently arm-wrestling (the winner gets Majorca), and over in Monaco, Sven is trying to figure out how to smuggle Charlene out of the country before the baby comes, while Charlene is researching poisons...just in case. Maxima is learning how to construct her own crazy hats, and Crown Princess Mary...hey, I have pictures of Crown Princess Mary! We KNOW what CPM was up to. THANK YOU, CROWN PRINCESS MARY. Because it's so boring this week, I've thrown together The Greatest Hits Of Royals Outings This Summer. Hats! Abs! David Beckham! Wills in a scuba suit! Goats! Children! Ceremony! EDWINA! (Don't ask me what I'm going to do next week. I'll worry about that next week.) NOTE: Some of these photos might pop up weirdly sized for you -- that's because of our new slideshow functionality. It will be fixed! Elsewhere: Harry obviously used the time when his grandmother and father are out of town to go to a beer festival. (The Mirror) This is a VERY JUICY piece in the Daily Beast about the ESCANDALO in the Spanish Royal Family. Former King Juan Carlos allegedly had over 1,500 lovers!!!!!!!! Also: "One source says that it was the intensely media-savvy Queen Letizia (in 2000 she was the winner of the Madrid Press Association’s Larra Award for most accomplished journalist under 30) who demanded the King’s abdication as the only way to spike the guns of republicans who are eagerly awaiting Urdangarín’s trial later this year and fully intend to use it to bring down the monarchy.'Doña Letizia lost it and said, 'If you don’t do something, I am divorcing,'' says the source." Princess Margaret would have been 84 this week, and the Court Jeweller takes a look back at her grandest and most famous tiara. Princess Beatrice had a hospital visit this week (no photos on the wires, just from her Twitter); Royalista has the account. She seems to be stepping up her outings; her coat is very cute. This is not really an article BUT I think it's something that some of you might like. I gave this William Or Harry? card to Heather for her birthday this past week, and I suspect it's relevant to your interests if you are reading this. (They also have a variety of cute Kate, and Kate and Wills cards you might need. I just want you to be happy!) On the subject of birthdays, apparently, Kate is allegedly inviting ALL of Harry's exes to the party she and Wills are throwing for his 30th. I hope she's going to force them to compete in feats of strength. (The Mirror) Tatler has a slideshow of Royals PDA that I suspect you will also enjoy. Wills and Kate's are all, like, SECRET SNAPS AT POLO from ages ago. Sigh. those were the days. LEAVE THE HOUSE YOU GUYS. Speaking of leaving the house, The Daily Mail (I Know) has full details of the solo trip Kate is taking to Malta at the end of September. She has 10 events in two days. She and I will both need to eat our Wheaties for that. (Our Weetabix?) [Phot0s: Getty, AKM/GSI, Splash, Fame/Flynet, Pacific Coast News]