King Harald and Queen Sonja's 80th Birthday

So! The Royals O' Norway had EVERYONE to town for a series of bashes to celebrate King Harald and Queen Sonja's 80th birthdays. (They celebrate their birthdays the way QE2 does; on a predetermined date and not the actual day of birth, as far as I can tell. Harald's actual b-day is in February, and Sonja's isn't until July.) We will bring you a greater look at most of these gowns without their wraps, but it's not an event if people aren't standing out on a balcony waving and looking delighted and also a bit cold. There are some TIARAS afoot! (Ahead?)

King Harald and Queen Sonja's 80th birthday celebration

If everyone in the previous photo was DELIGHTED, everyone in this one is about to have a fist fight. Crown Princess Mary looks UNIMPRESSED and Marie-Chantal of Greece (in the pattern) even less so. Queen Margrethe is just glad someone got her a chair.

King Harald and Queen Sonja's 80th birthday celebration

Everyone here is just trying really hard not to look at Desiree Kogevinas's nipples. GET THAT WOMAN A COAT, SOMEONE. She is obviously freezing Her mother is...I think her mother is Harald's cousin? These European royals are complex. Anyway. She's a very distant relative but a memorable one! (Everyone is a distant relative, basically. Sophie is here to represent the Brits, and I think QEII is Harald's cousin also. I think Harald's aunt was Mary of Teck who is Elizabeth's paternal grandmother. I think that's right?) 

King Harald and Queen Sonja's 80th birthday celebration

Queen Mathilde looks nice in that color! (If you're looking for extensive Tiara Coverage, btw, I direct you to the fine work of Order of Splendor.) Now, let's take all these wraps and furs off and get inside! (For whatever reason, I couldn't get a good shot of the rest of Mathilde's gown, so enjoy it here. It goes all the way to the floor. Now you're caught up!)

Sophie Wessex and the President of Iceland

Sophie looks GREAT in this. She is wearing the Wessex tiara, which she wears often. Gudni Johannesson, her escort, is president of Iceland and a former historian who is an expert on something called The Cod Wars! He also has translated Stephen King into Icelandic! He met his wife in the UK! He once jokingly threatened to ban pineapple as a pizza topping! He's a very distant relative of Barack Obama! He seems like someone with whom you'd have plenty to talk about at dinner!

Carlos Augster, Stephanie of Luxembourg and Prince Constantijn of the Netherlands

Stephanie of Luxembourg always looks a little Zzzzz to me. (Constantjin is Willem-Alexander's younger brother; Carlos does not have a Wikipedia page and therefore must be a ghost.)

Princess Tatiana of Greece, Princess Sofia and Bernhard Mach

Everyone here ALSO looks great; I actually love the one-shoulder number on Tatiana. 

King Carl Gustaf of Sweden and Crown Princess Mette-Marit

Mette-Marit looks SO BORING in this, although I like the embroidery at the top, and I cannot even tell if she's wearing a tiara. I am confused by the choices she makes with her head like 100% of the time.

Prince Albert of Monaco and Crown Princess Mary of Denmark

Oh, hey! It's Albert -- of course he's there, he's related to all of them too, one way or another. (Charlene did not attend; maybe she and Prince Edward were off gambling in Monte Carlo together.) Mary looks beautiful, but the placement of that seam in her skirt is always weird to me. It makes it look like she's wearing a VERY VERY dropped waist.

Grand Duke Henri of Luxembourg and Queen Maxima of the Netherland

Maxima looks lovely in a dress we've seen before -- it photographs better when it's not in this light -- and a MAJOR PIN. My goodness. I also appreciate her really pulling out the MAJOR JEWELS for this entire thing.

Queen Sonja and King Harald of Norway

OH SONJA I JUST DON'T KNOW.

Carl Philip and Sofia

The next day, when I assume everyone was hungover, everyone got dragged out in the rain for lunch on the royal yacht, "Norge," which I at first misread as "the Royal Yacht NOPE," which also would be a funny name for a ship. ANYWAY, I presume Sofia here was not hungover, and also I thought you'd like to see her sweater/cape. 

King Phillip, Queen Mathilde

These are some of the snazziest shoes Mathilde has ever worn!

King Phillip, Queen Mathilder, Princess Mabel, Princess Beatrix

I appreciate Maxima wearing sailor pants for lunch on a boat; I do NOT know what W-A's suit is, but let's blame the hangover

Prince Guillaume, Princess Stephanie

Stephanie's dowdy wardrobe is a consistent source of emotional pain for me. She's only 33!!

MORE BIRTHDAY SHENANIGANS

And then, after the Rainy Yacht Luncheon, everyone went back to their hotels, changed again, and then came back out for another dinner. (This is Grand Duke Henri and Marie-Theresa of Luxembourg. Luxembourg is getting a lot of play this week.)

Queen Maxima, King Willem-Alexander

Maxima looks fab, but that is a very weird place to put a pin.

Queen Mathilde, King Philippe

Sure, sure, sure. Great! Keep it up!

King Juan Carlos, Queen Sofia

I was wondering where Spain was! And here is the answer. (Felipe and Letizia did not attend.)

Princess Marie-Chantal

In which Princess Marie-Chantal is like, "I WAS going to wear this to Coachella, but it didn't work out, sooooo....

Sophie Wessex and Princess Martha Louise (of Norway)

Sophie looks FAB in this; I even like Martha Louise's dress.  ML is Prince Haakon's older sister, but isn't in line for the throne because of primogeniture in Norway, which was reversed in 1990, but only for kids going forward. She also, per Wikipedia, believes she can speak to spirits and also to animals, and had a big drama because she got mixed up with a British medium that people in Norway thought was a charlatan. I hope they discussed this.

King Harald of Norway, Queen Sonja of Norway

I hope this rain didn't ruin your party, birthday guests of honor!

Princess Beatrix of The Netherlands, Princess Mabel of The Netherlands

THEY are having a perfectly great time. Mabel is the one who MAYBE used to date a drug lord, and whose husband died after being in a coma for a year after getting caught in an avalanche.

Prince Haakon and Princess Mette-Marit

I like M-M's dress here, but what we really need to talk about is how apparently Prince Haakon SHAVED OFF HIS BEARD DURING DINNER THE NIGHT BEFORE. Like, AT THE TABLE. I have many MANY many questions about how any of that came about.

Crown Prince Frederik and Crown Princess Mary of Denmark

I'm glad that Haakon and Fred coordinated their blue tuxes; this Erdem dress on Mary is DIVINE.

Crown Princess Victoria and Crown Prince Daniel of Sweden

I am likewise delighted that Victoria got the memo about patterns.

Prince Carl Philip and Princess Sofia of Sweden

I know she looks a bit like a wedding cake, but I actually love this on Sofia. (Carl Philip looks as handsome as ever.)

Queen Maxima

PREVIOUSLY ON MAXIMA. This was last week, but I only just now got the pictures and OH MY GOD. Sisterwife ladyfriend, I have CONCERNS.

Queen Letizia and King Felipe

Meanwhile, in Spain, these two are hosting Costa Rica president Guillermo Solis Rivera and wife Mercedes Peñas Doming, and Informative Caption tells me that they did "offer a lunch" at this event. Letizia's dress is both pretty and looks like it's creating its own source of penicillin.

An Audience With Queen Elizabeth II

"And what do YOU think of this rug?" [You may be interested in Informative Caption here. "Queen Elizabeth II meets His Holiness Pope Tawadros II, His Grace Bishop Angaelos of the Coptic Church, and Dean of Windsor The Right Reverend David Connor during a private audience at Windsor Castle.... Pope Tawadros II, 118th Pope of Alexandria and Patriarch of the See of Saint Mark, is making his first pastoral visit to the United Kingdom." Pope Tawadros II is making all kinds of visits since becoming Pope of the Coptic Orthodox Church -- he visited Pope Francis, he went to Jerusalem, he went to Jordan, and now the UK.]

The Queen and Duke Of Edinburgh Visit Pangbourne College To Celebrate It's Centenary

Same day! Her Majesty is busy. Here, she "visits Pangbourne College on the occasion of the school's centenary....Founded in 1917 as a training college for officers of the merchant navy, Pangbourne College is now a co-educational boarding and day school for 400 pupils aged between 11-18."

Duke Of Edinburgh Visits Pangbourne College To Celebrate It's Centenary

This is great. "Prince Philip reads a letter he wrote to former naval commander Keith Evans, now aged 97, after the announcement of his engagement to Queen Elizabeth II." They were old friends; Keith says Philip was "a bit randy" in his youth; I am SURE HE WAS.

Prince Of Wales And The Duchess Of Cornwall Visit Northern Ireland

"Let these children out of this jail at once, I say!"

Prince Of Wales And The Duchess Of Cornwall Visit Northern Ireland

AWKWARD. Chaz and Camz popped over to Ireland, and here, Chaz "stops a crown which fell off an actors head with his foot" during the opening of a new theatre. If it were three hundred years ago, people would be murmuring about omens.

Royals Round-Up, May 12th, 2017

Tiaras! Gowns! Omens! Giant crazy trousers!