The Duke Of Cambridge Visits Malta - Day 1

It seems like William did a lot of, "I KNOW. I'M SORRY I'M NOT KATE" in Malta, but all reports seem to indicate that Mr Blue Suit #1 did very well.

The Duke Of Cambridge Visits Malta - Day 1

"Hello, hi. Hello. My kingdom for some sunglasses. WAIT. NOT LITERALLY."

The Duke Of Cambridge Visits Malta - Day 1

"Kate is going to be enraged that she missed this. She loves energetic stage fighting and plumed hats."

The Duke Of Cambridge Visits Malta - Day 1

"Dear Malta,

Sorry I didn't wear any fabulous hats or great new outfits. I know that's disappointing. I will try harder next time.

Love, William."

The Duke Of Cambridge Visits Malta - Day 1

"Oh, is this the bit where I stand here and look thoughtful, like on the finale of The Bachelor where the dude is pretending that he's beset with doubts and looking into the middle distance shall bring clarity? I can do that."

Prince William Visits Malta

"I miss Kate. She loves being on a boat."

The Duke Of Cambridge Visits Malta - Day 2

"Also visiting clergy. She LOVES clergy."

The Duke Of Cambridge Visits Malta - Day 2

"I'm pretty sure what these Widely Reviled Casual Dad Pants need is a saucy headscarf. Right? RIGHT. Never let it be said that I cannot pick out my own clothes"

Whatley Manor International Horse Trials

Oh, Princess Anne. She KNOWS what you're up to. She'll get to you later.

The Prince Of Wales & Duchess Of Cornwall Attend Battle Of Britain Fighter Association Service Of Thanksgiving & Rededication

And Camilla, as usual, has been dispatched to make merry and drink with senior citizens whilst wearing a giant hat. (Sincerely, if Harry is good with kids -- he's coming up -- Camilla's great with old men. I assume she's sort of saucy with them. It makes me like her.)

Princess Charlene

Charlene -- with a bunch of other royals, actually -- is in New York, which means it's never been a better time for one of us to go and attempt a daring rescue. I kind of like this outfit? She is (I think) about six months along, and she's so tall, it's easy for her to sort of disguise this pregnancy, if she wants to (there's no reason to, obviously, but if she'd been an actress, she would have been in luck. One big purse and you're set!).

Queen Letizia Of Spain Visits The International Spanish Academies In New York City

I love this color. Could have used some jewelry, perhaps?

Prince Harry Attends The WellChild Awards

Harry, of course, was a total superstar at the WellChild Awards, interacting with kids all night. High-fiving!

Prince Harry Attends The WellChild Awards

And hugging! I CAN'T IT'S TOO CUTE I LOVE EVERYONE!

Prince Harry Attends The WellChild Awards

And showing us how he prevents W from stealing his best footwear.

Prince Harry

He also went to a wedding that didn't require his yellow waistcoat, which is surely crying alone at home, if waistcoats could cry, and I'm sure this one can.

Pippa Middleton and Nico Jackson

Pippa and her criminally handsome potential bounder of a boyfriend also attended, and I have to say that I love that dress on Ol' Pips here.

Queen Maxima

Ahem: "Queen Maxima of the Netherlands hands an annual report on financial inclusion to UN Secretary-General Ban Ki-moon," AS YOU DO. I wish I had a better look at that dress -- it could be great; it might be moldy? -- and I have to say that I love how Maxima's hair often kind of a mess. "I wish I could have worn an enormous hat," she's thinking right now.

King Philippe Of Belgium And Queen Mathilde Of Belgium

Meanwhile, the princes and princesses of Belgium cannot BELIEVE their LAME parents are making them pose for ANOTHER LAME FAMILY PHOTO IT'S SO EMBARRASSING. And their dad is in plaid? THEY CAN'T.

Crown Prince Couple in Canada

Let's close this out with the Danes. I didn't get a chance to show you this hat of Mary's until today. I LOVE it. If only I had more chances to wear hats. Would they give me extra turkey slices at the deli if I showed up in this, do you think?

The Crown Prince Couple in Canada

This is Business Lady Appropriate. I have a Little Jacket like that from J Crew that I used to wear all the time, until I decided that the cut sort of made me look like I was hiding a Uterine Secret, which I was not. HERS does not do that. As ever, CPM pulls off everything better than I do.

The Crown Prince Couple in Canada

I LOVE this on her. Wear more patterns, everyone in the world!

The Crown Prince Couple in Canada

This looks like a catalog shot. In a good way! IS there a catalog for attractive princes in blue suits? WHY AM I NOT ON THAT MAILING LIST?

Royals Round-Up, September 26th 2014

No specific royals coverage on GFY this week means LOADS of royals coverage in this week's round-up. William went to Malta! Harry hugged children! Crown Princess Mary looked gorgeous! Charlene looked totally miserable! AND MORE! But elsewhere, I have found MUCH for you to read and enjoy: This was a very interesting but kind of all-over-the-place and occasionally incorrect Newsweek article about British opinion of Kate Middleton that I think would have been much stronger with a more focused thesis (and if Germaine Greer hadn't spent so much time yapping about Kate's weight, which is not -- I cannot resist -- wholly germane to the topic at hand and certainly is far from the most interesting thing about anyone. Also, apparently no one there fact-checked her statement about Kate not being able to decorate her own home, which anyone who reads the Daily Mail or People knows is not true. She has been decorating the shit out of houses all year! Fact-check your pull quotes, Newsweek, even if they ARE pithy!). Anyway. The Daily Beast goes ahead and calls the above "utter tosh." Speaking of Kate, People has an update on how she is feeling. (Hyperemesis gravidarum sounds awful.) People also has reports from William's trip to Malta (that he took in her place.) It seems that it went over very well. The Daily Beast had an interesting article on the history of child-rearing in the British royal family, which contains all kinds of tidbits from The Heir Apparent, if you read that (and you should!), and boils down to, "William and Kate have decided to be nice, instead." The last of the Mitford sisters died this week, and you should read her obit. It's fascinating and fabulous. You should ALSO read a variety of books from a variety of Mitfords, if you like People Having Problems During Wars and Fancy English People Realizing One of Their Sisters Is a Nazi Sympathizer and SECRET COMMUNISTS and....well, you'd like those books, is what I'm saying. Take this quiz about the Queens of England over at History Extra! It involves a LOT of people making intriguing marital choices. Royal Central helpfully explains how all the titles on Downtown Abbey work. Per The Daily Mail I KNOW, there's going to be a big auction of Diana's dresses, and a variety of other royals paraphernalia -- like a piece of Wills and Kate's wedding cake -- basically right down the street from me and yes Heather and I are totally going. She is under strict orders NOT TO LET ME BUY ANYTHING. Oh, hey, Sophie and Edward went to Canada! (National Post)