Julianne Moore

I actually think this dress -- Chanel Couture, don't you know? -- is adorable from the waist down. The detailing on the skirt is charming and unusual in a way that really doesn't come across well in photographs. But from the waist up....oh, GIRL:

Julianne Moore

This simply does not fit. The whole thing needs to be hoisted up two inches. WHO looked at this and thought, "perfect"? Because that person needs to see her eye doctor tomorrow. (Whenever I write something like that, I always imagine the stylist who will get the blame for this but who actually argued with the celebrity only to be overruled, and who has to live with the fact that we will never know that. And in my imagination, she is saying, "I TRIED. YOU SAY NO TO JULIANNE. IT'S IMPOSSIBLE" out loud to her laptop.)

Julianne Moore at the SAGs

Even Julianne seems apologetic here.

SAG Awards Fug Carpet: Julianne Moore

The one thing we need to focus on, you guys, is that Julianne Moore is 52. FIFTY-TWO YEARS OLD. She should just wear a shirt that says, "I AM 52 YEARS OLD." That's a Well Played every day. [Photos: Getty]