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Kate Winslet, Michael Shannon, Susan Sarandon

Kate Winslet, Michael Shannon, Susan Sarandon

"Hello, Susan. Sorry you didn't win Breast Actress in an... erm... I didn't win either, I was up for Breast Supporting Bractress... er, I mean. I wasn't even thinking about it. I was nervous for Leo. I have the best mammaries... MEMORIES, memories, of Titanic, and we've really milked that friendship... Shit, you know what? I should cleav. LEAVE. I should leave."

Kate Winslet, Michael Shannon, Susan Sarandon

Kate Winslet, Michael Shannon, Susan Sarandon

Here is a good shot of why Kate might have been fascinated. That is more than cleavage. That is... a bra. It legitimately is an undergarment, period, full stop. Its not a fashionably saucy fashion choice; its what happens when you accidentally, I don't know, spill meatballs down your front in the limo (it being an accepted fact that celebrities circle the block on awards day scarfing down Italian food).

Susan Sarandon and Eva Amurri

susan sarandon eva amurri

And it's not even attached to a good OUTFIT. Those pants are ruinous. (Eva's dress is not my favorite, either, although I can't neg the color.)

Susan Sarandon

susan sarandon

I mean... it's GENUINELY just a bra. It's not even pretending to be anything else. Dear Susan: LOOK AT YOUR HEAD. And your skin. And the rest of your bod. All of those things are majestic. So why are you hell-bent on making the conversation about your BRA? Your other assets are unlimited.

Susan Sarandon

When she laughed at her clip from her nominated performance in That Marilyn Monroe TV Movie No One Saw, I sincerely felt like I was witnessing a private moment in her dressing room.

SAG Awards Fug Carpet: Susan Sarandon in Max Mara
I hope they'd met before this. Or do I? [Photos: Getty]

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