Sheers at the 2018 VMAs

Rita Ora in Jean Paul Gaultier

-New York, NY - 20180820 - 2018 MTV Video Music Awards at Radio City Music Hall -PICTURED: Rita Ora -PHOTO by: JOHN NACION/startraksphoto.com This is an editorial, rights-managed image. Please contact Startraks Photo for licensing fee and rights information at sales@startraksphoto.com or call +1 212 414 9464 This image may not be published in any way that is, or might be deemed to be, defamatory, libelous, pornographic, or obscene. Please consult our sales department for any clarification needed prior to publication and use. Startraks Photo reserves the right to pursue unauthorized users of this material. If you are in violation of our intellectual property rights or copyright you may be liable for damages, loss of income, any profits you derive from the unauthorized use of this material and, where appropriate, the cost of collection and/or any statutory damages awarded

I ASSUME she's wearing pasties, and not that the flash is gleaming off her chest, but... I guess anything is possible. The scribble pattern on the dress conveniently mirrors the gymnastics my brain is doing trying to come up with an original thought about an aesthetic that is so tired, it makes Rip Van Winkle look like a casual napper.

Dascha Polanco

This is quite possibly THE WORST THING THAT HAS EVER HAPPENED ON HER BODY, although her makeup might be her audition for season three of GLOW. That dress is not even nice workmanship. To quote my idol Lady Holliday, "And you, [Dascha]... that outfit's THE PITS."

Winnie Harlow in Alexander Wang

-New York, NY - 20180820 - 2018 MTV Video Music Awards at Radio City Music Hall -PICTURED: Winnie Harlow -PHOTO by: JOHN NACION/startraksphoto.com This is an editorial, rights-managed image. Please contact Startraks Photo for licensing fee and rights information at sales@startraksphoto.com or call +1 212 414 9464 This image may not be published in any way that is, or might be deemed to be, defamatory, libelous, pornographic, or obscene. Please consult our sales department for any clarification needed prior to publication and use. Startraks Photo reserves the right to pursue unauthorized users of this material. If you are in violation of our intellectual property rights or copyright you may be liable for damages, loss of income, any profits you derive from the unauthorized use of this material and, where appropriate, the cost of collection and/or any statutory damages awarded

She did a whole video with her stylist about picking out clothes for her red-carpet correspondent job, and the both cooed over how "exciting" and "beautiful" this is. It IS delicate, for sure, but that is not the same thing as attractive. Her stylist did, in fairness, tell her not to unzip it all the way up to her hips, but this looks like it was made of the wings of a very grim beetle.

2018 MTV Video Music Awards - Arrivals Featuring: Winnie Harlowe Where: NYC, New York, United States When: 20 Aug 2018 Credit: Patricia Schlein/WENN.com

I am unclear why she needed two outfits for the red carpet, nor why BOTH of them needed to show her underpants. Also, they're not the SAME underpants. That is so much EFFORT. WHERE DID SHE GO TO CHANGE HER UNDERPANTS.

Shanina Shaik in Naeem Khan

-New York, NY - 20180820 - 2018 MTV Video Music Awards at Radio City Music Hall -PICTURED: Shanina Shaik -PHOTO by: JOHN NACION/startraksphoto.com This is an editorial, rights-managed image. Please contact Startraks Photo for licensing fee and rights information at sales@startraksphoto.com or call +1 212 414 9464 This image may not be published in any way that is, or might be deemed to be, defamatory, libelous, pornographic, or obscene. Please consult our sales department for any clarification needed prior to publication and use. Startraks Photo reserves the right to pursue unauthorized users of this material. If you are in violation of our intellectual property rights or copyright you may be liable for damages, loss of income, any profits you derive from the unauthorized use of this material and, where appropriate, the cost of collection and/or any statutory damages awarded

Imagine this lined with something OTHER than granny knickers.

Nicki Minaj in Off White

-New York, NY - 20180820 - 2018 MTV Video Music Awards at Radio City Music Hall -PICTURED: Nicki Minaj -PHOTO by: JOHN NACION/startraksphoto.com This is an editorial, rights-managed image. Please contact Startraks Photo for licensing fee and rights information at sales@startraksphoto.com or call +1 212 414 9464 This image may not be published in any way that is, or might be deemed to be, defamatory, libelous, pornographic, or obscene. Please consult our sales department for any clarification needed prior to publication and use. Startraks Photo reserves the right to pursue unauthorized users of this material. If you are in violation of our intellectual property rights or copyright you may be liable for damages, loss of income, any profits you derive from the unauthorized use of this material and, where appropriate, the cost of collection and/or any statutory damages awarded

I know Virgil Abloh is all the rage right now, but... WHY? This looks more like swimwear Kim Kardashian would design.

Chloe x Halle in Iris Van Herpen

Mandatory Credit: Photo by Matt Baron/REX/Shutterstock (9795340cy) Chloe X Halle MTV Video Music Awards, Arrivals, New York, USA - 20 Aug 2018

Those are very creatively sheer confections. I can appreciate them as such; they're like couture caftans. They seem more Met Gala than VMAs, for that reason, but at least they're taking a swing at this. However, the one on the left -- whom I BELIEVE is Chloe, the slightly older one -- needs a lot less underboob. That is a great rule of thumb, honestly.

Tiffany Haddish in Naeem Khan

-New York, NY - 20180820 - 2018 MTV Video Music Awards at Radio City Music Hall -PICTURED: Tiffany Haddish -PHOTO by: JOHN NACION/startraksphoto.com This is an editorial, rights-managed image. Please contact Startraks Photo for licensing fee and rights information at sales@startraksphoto.com or call +1 212 414 9464 This image may not be published in any way that is, or might be deemed to be, defamatory, libelous, pornographic, or obscene. Please consult our sales department for any clarification needed prior to publication and use. Startraks Photo reserves the right to pursue unauthorized users of this material. If you are in violation of our intellectual property rights or copyright you may be liable for damages, loss of income, any profits you derive from the unauthorized use of this material and, where appropriate, the cost of collection and/or any statutory damages awarded

This one is wantonly framing her vagina. Which I guess... pulls focus from her navel? I'd rather stay away from all holes that aren't nostrils, personally.

Blac Chyna

Real talk: Usually I ignore her, but she's very on-theme for this slideshow. The back is just basically her thong.

Morgan Saint

Are those... thigh-high boots UNDERNEATH the sheer trousers?

Teyana Taylor

WORDS.