SURPRISE. There was also a mask. I wanted you to click in and have a LITTLE jolt. Also, I wrote up my whole opinion of the dress before I saw any of the photos with the mask. I'm going to leave that slide -- the next one -- as it was, and then we can pick back up with the mask afterward.

Zendaya in Valentino

So, I didn't love the Rick Owens dress, but this might be making me miss the Rick Owens dress. This is slinky; it's adept; it fits; it's precise. And obviously, she pulls it off. She's Zendaya. A gown that clings like a web itself is always going to be something she can wear. It's sexy, but it's also Zendaya 101. She can do this in her sleep. Zendaya can also carry SO MUCH MORE than just her own skin, and this might've been when I would have called Schiaparelli. (Having said that, Law Roach is in the midst of family tragedy right now and so obviously, I'm not shading him at all here; if he's even doing ANY work, that's amazing, as I would have crawled into a hole. I'm just generally musing.)

Okay! So that was my take pre-mask. Its presence definitely spices things up a little, and turns this into more of a classic Zendaya moment. She didn't wear it for very many of the photos, though, so I have to think maybe it wasn't comfortable, or was just irritating after a while. She looks fantastic in it, but I have to ask: Is it a little too on-the-nose? Aside from it being literally atop her nose, I can't decide if these two Spider-Man moments together were too costumey, or the right mix of whimsy and fashion.

with Tom Holland in Prada

This is the closest we got to a canoodle, by the way, in case you're wondering. Tom looks typically cute.

Tom Holland and his brothers

These three could have been the Jonai in another life.

Corrine Foxx and Jamie Foxx

I have seen their Intel ads so many times that I can practically recite them by memory. His suit is great; she is truly gorgeous but I will go to my grave believing there was a more interesting option for a bodice.

Baddylonglegs Cobwebcorner

This man is in the market for a third yacht.

Sophie Hunter

As usual, she looks sophisticated and streamlined.

Storm Reid

Oh no. No no no. This is a whole pouch pocket section that's CUT to look like the back of pants, and when she shoves her hands into it, things actually look... buttockial. Ladies and gentleman, we have an official sighting of CROTCH BUTT.

Shameik Moore

I love a man who accessorizes with an unapologetically cozy scarf.

Tia Mowery

I think everyone will forget this dress existed by tomorrow, including her.

Marisa Tomei in Zuhair Murad

I always forget she's in these. This is dramatic and great; you know I am never going to resist a gold sheath.

Josh Gad

Yes, he's at the same event. Yes, he looks like his PI business isn't going so great.

Terry and Isaiah Crews

Yes but can he jump, Terry?

Marsai Martin

This is meant to look like two pieces, but I believe it's actually one, given that the zipper goes all the way through both. It looks like something Hot Topic would make for an after-hours hair salon that serves absinthe.

Jared Leto

I assume that's Gucci. I also assume that when he walked into the party, "Stayin' Alive" started playing and he began strutting and cocking some finger guns.

Madison Beer

This has lingerie DNA.

Laurel Marsden

Laurel is in the Ms. Marvel TV show. I don't know how old she is and I have NO natural read on any of that, but she's a relative newcomer and it kind of looks like they didn't give her a stylist and she had to borrow something from a local high-school theatre department.

Benedict Wong

Bless this man, I believe he's in the EXACT same outfit as he was at the Unforgettable Gala, which was only two days before. He's like, "Price per wear, baby!"

Simu Liu

He, on the other hand, went with a totally different look, and unexpected blue suede shoes. He is a dreamboat -- it's hard not to smile back at him.

Nicholas Braun

Cousin Greg is just so TALL. He looks nice.

Paula Newsome

Another chaging neck sling. Hope she brought Vaseline.

Alexis Ren

Is this thing trying to escape itself?

Xochitl Gomez

She looks completely adorable and is showing Alexis Ren how it's done.

Emily V Gordon and Kumail Nanjiani

The last three captions got eaten and I am too tired to remember what they were. I assume this was mostly complimentary and I'm sure I said something about how stoked they must both be to get invitations to every Marvel premiere forevermore because of "The Eternals."

Willem Dafoe

THIS dashing scamp. It's crazy to me that he's playing the same character he played in the Tobey Maguire one?

"Did someone say Tobey Maguire?????" Sigh. THAT would have been a great reveal.

Zendaya Stayed On-Theme Once Again at a Spider-Man Event

Spider-Man? Spiderman? Spider Man? Every time I look it up; every time I forget again. (It's the first one.)