Joe Burrow

Sean McVay

Sean looks... very handsome. He's been making some noise about whether he'd stop coaching to "focus on family" (he's engaged). He was hired at age 30. He's now a withered old husk of 36 -- yes, I'm joking -- and there's something funny to me about him sweeping into a head coaching gig, winning the Super Bowl in such a short time, and then peacing out forever to do TV commentary because it's stress-free money. But honestly, it's also possible he's just playing the game to get a fat contract boost. And who could blame him? Pay the man.

The Rock

And then... sigh. I muted him when he started yapping. It's not about you, Dwayne. It was cringey to me. (Also, the Joe Rogan support killed my affection for him. He walked it back when he claimed he was unaware of Joe's repeated use of the N word, but I guess Joe's repeated grossness on every other front was just fine with him?!?) But the fashion here is also bad. I am not a fan of his wine blend here -- it's like he has a cabernet and a pinot noir on the table and is swigging from them both at the same time -- and the cut is awful. He looks ridiculous to me. His pants have been TERRIBLE in the last year or two.

The Rock

Oh, Dwayne. I just... it's a weird look, no matter how widely you smile.

Jhene Aiko

She sang America the Beautiful, I think? I missed most of the pregame show because I was watching curling YES YOU HEARD ME but Jhene has a great voice so I assume she was awesome.

Jhene Aiko

She also had a harpist, which you don't see every day. I am pleased to see harpists getting paid.

Mickey Guyton

Mickey did the national anthem, and she can SING. I never like it when they take a ton of liberties with the melody of the national anthem, but I know I'm VERY square in that regard. So I wish she'd sung it more straight, because she can. She has the pipes.

The halftime show was the first one dedicated to hip hop, and several of the headliners are FROM this area, so that had to be special. It was a tribute to a genre that has strong roots in California, and the ground here appears to be a CGI city grid that looks like Los Angeles or a similar city. I guess the compartments are... like apartments in a building? I'm not sure, but I did think that production-wise it was designed more for the home audience than the stadium crowd. Don't get me wrong, the crowd was INTO IT because the playlist was so fantastic, but I thought the box aspect of it was awkward.

All the people performing in the cubes were a little crammed in, and lost.

Dr Dre and Snoop

But! These two were not. They looked great -- who can argue with Dre's classic coat? -- and from the first note this was an incredible blast of nostalgia. I loved it.

50 Cent

He started his performance hanging upside-down, and you could SEE the blood rushing to his head. I was so relieved when he flipped back over. But see what I mean, about him seeming cramped in there? At home we could at least get close-ups, but in the stadium you'd have to stare at the screen to see any of him. Not the end of the world; just an interesting production choice.

Eminem

And Eminem looked like Eminem. I guess Twitter was unsettled by his dark eyebrows? But I think he's sporting dark hair now so they didn't really register for me. "Lose Yourself" is just... a great song. All of these were impossible not to bob your head to, which of course made me look hopelessly dorky in front of my kids, but whatever. I'm not cool, and they know that.

Eminem

Eminem -- who had Anderson.Paak playing drums; I forgot to get a picture -- also took a knee at the end of his performance in a tribute to Colin Kaepernick, something it's rumored the NFL told him not to do, although the NFL tried to deny that by saying it had watched all the rehearsals (which... is not exactly a denial).

Kendrick Lamar

He performed with a bunch of dancers who started out in cardboard boxes, and were wearing Dre Day sashes.

Mary J Blige in Dundas

She finished her set by flopping onto her back, and this photo of that moment is SO GOOD.

Jay Z

Jay Z (Roc Nation produced the halftime show) brought his kids -- the two leaping people are his, and he's taking a pic of them. They seemed to have a good time, and I'm pretty sure Jay Z won't mind anyone publishing this...

Jay Z

... because he held the result up to the camera lens.

Billie Jean King

Billie Jean did the coin toss, and much like the Queen, Ms. King understands the merits of bright dressing. Her signature frames match her jacket perfectly, and you will not miss her even from the cheap seats. I am always happy to see her.

LeBron James

My kids saw LeBron and were like, "Why is he so dressed up?" My answer was, "Because he probably knew he'd be on-camera and he wanted to look nice," which is a bit cynical but also probably true. I also just think LeBron likes to be snazzy, and if you're in a luxury box, I think that's very appropriate.

Joe Jonas and Sophie Turner

Sophie is red again! Did we know this?

Olivia Rodrigo

She looks very cute. I thought that was a box of raisins in the thumbnail, but no, it's her halftime show pass. Maybe she got on the field. (Or backstage.)

Charlize and Matt Damon

Ben and J.Lo were there, but I didn't have a picture, so we'll have to settle for Charlize and Matt high-fiving each other over what I assume is a bet on whether Bennifer will get married this time. I like Charlize's shirt. It feels like upscale Dodgers gear.

Ye, Tyga, YG

Ye showed up in this, which... sir, Kim already did it.

He then watched the game with Antonio Brown, which feels like a meeting of minds that makes sense and yet also may not be great for either of them.

Rebel Wilson and Adam Devine

Was there a Pitch Perfect reunion? (I enjoy that their expressions so starkly contradict Ye's.) Also, I'm sad to report that I don't have the shot of Will Ferrell and Ryan Reynolds together, in which Will is wearing gear from Ryan's hometown BC Lions of the CFL. I assume that really was a lost bet?

Bieber and Hailey

Justin looks just fine! Hailey's shirt is hanging on by the two most optimistic buttons in the world.

Joe Burrow Didn't Win the Super Bowl, But He Did Win The Pregame Show

And that's something?