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Vanessa Marano

Look how cute Vanessa looks here: great hair and makeup, that SKIN, a kick-ass pendant... other than the fact that her zip-front dress might bow when she sits down in a way she will find super annoying, this is all good. It is an auspicious beginning. And then, like so many things, it runs out of steam at the end.

Vanessa Marano

I just really... cannot with these. Did they really need fancy platforms AND crystalline heels AND ballet ankle ties AND their own S&M corsetry? Those are the kinds of shoes some poor schmo pays an obscene hourly rate to have trample his back and then kick him in the face and get spiked into his jugular, all because he likes to be bossed around in his off hours. On Vanessa here, they are just too much for me.

Vanessa Marano

Putting the pieces together, then: I can see why she wanted an edgy shoe; I just wish she had chosen one that didn't seem to come with its own whip.

Teen Choice Awards Scrolldown Fug: Vanessa Marano
Switched at Birth is really a wonderful, wonderful show -- it has great actors, innovative scenes all in sign language, interesting adult characters, and lots of good hair. I'm saying all this now so that when I get to the part where I both hate her shoes and am afraid they will come find me in the night and jam themselves up my nose until I beg for mercy, you will know I MEAN it, and not just that my bile valve is stuck on "geyser." [Photos: Getty]

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