Demi Lovato Red Carpet

I kind of like this dress for this particular event -- if there is ever a time to bring out the bling, it's Teen Choice Awards -- but I am really scared that we're about to see one of her nipples, and I feel like if your nipple is about to make a run for it, the least you could do is wear a slightly longer skirt. To, like, balance the universe.

Demi Lovato Red Carpet

I would, however, totally wear this if I were to go on Dancing With the Stars, which would NEVER HAPPEN given that I am not a star and also I can't dance and also the entire hypothetical idea of being on a dancing show on television is one of those things that makes me break out into hives, much like the thought of having to correctly do an algebra problem in front of forty people in order to prevent a plane from crashing.

Demi Lovato Red Carpet

I actually think it's the hair where this all falls apart for me. The dress is kooky and potentially a little bit almost indecent, but also kind of sassy fun. The hair is where everything just gets all too ridiculous. I want to walk up behind her and chop it off.

Kevin McHale red carpet

I seriously do not even know what the hell is happening here.

Teen Choice Awards 2012 - Show

This, on the other hand, is what happens when I Love the 80s collides with Lisa Frank's darker works. Although I guess that would be the Teen Choice Awards for MY teen years, which, as we all know, were conducted in an entirely different millennium and therefore are meaningless to The Kids Today.

Teen Choice Awards 2012 - Show

"I'm so confused," Kevin is thinking. "She looks great from the waist up, and like a drive-through car wash from the waist down. Do I want to make out with her, or have her detail my car?"

Teen Choice Awards 2012 - Show

This, on the other hand, is so snappy! Dress like this all the time, Kevin! PLEASE HEED MY WORDS.

Teen Choice Awards Fugs and Funs and Fines: Demi Lovato and Kevin McHale

I think hanging out with Britney too much is starting to seep into Demi's brain. Although, honestly, if BRITNEY were wearing this first look, I would be DYING, y'all. Because Britney would never. Because Britney is kind of snoozy lately, despite the fact that Britney is the Grand Dame of that show, and should J Lo it up a little bit. On the other hand, I DO appreciate Demi's commitment to popping up places looking kind of crazy and be-spangled. At least she's having fun. That being said...is this perhaps TOO MUCH FUN? Or is there such a thing? Let's look at her red carpet look and then examine what she, and noted crackpot-dresser and co-host Kevin McHale wore during the show. Turns out that he cleans up well. [Photos: Getty]